笑话哦本文目录一览：
求英语课上用来演讲的笑话
分类: 休闲/爱好 幽默滑稽
问题描述:
2分钟左右，中英对照
解析:
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the *** allest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you."
While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then o in a grave."
Lawyer Jokes :
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
__________________________________
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your hu *** and said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A:Nice to meet you.
B:Nice to meet you,too.
C:Nice to meet you,three.
An Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you
BUYING A HAT
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the sale *** an was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his di *** ay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF.
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
The difference beeen men and women
Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.
As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!!"
Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road....
The Clock
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved ice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
In the morning Mr.Smith es into the garden at the back of his house. He sees much snow(雪) in the garden.Mr.Smith wants to take his car out, so he asks a man to clean the road from his garage(车库)to the gate(大门). He says to the man,”Don't throw any snow on that side. It will damage(损坏) flowers in the street, or the policeman will e.”Then he goes out.
When he es back, the road is clean.There is no snow on the flowers, on the wall or in the street. But when he open the garage, he sees the garage is full of snow(被雪充满), the snow from the road, and his car is under the snow!
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more fortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a motion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
英语幽默笑话：
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then plete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn"t say anything.”
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her hu *** and, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 co *** etology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery pletes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看：
sxuu/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000
英语幽默
双关歇后语：）~
sxszjzx/~t207/wht_2
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
更多的请点击参考资料链接。
谢谢！
英语小笑话，越短越好，带翻译
1、Goldfish金鱼
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”
6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。
7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
8、TwoBirds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
中英文的短笑话
1. Money is not the problem, the problem is money!
2. Drunk who has not satisfied me, I will help the wall!
3. I leaned on the glass like a fly, the future is bright, but can not find the way out.
4. Big Brother, you know? Two brothers and the meat is more expensive than the master of all
5. If the fish can Bunao make people more intelligent, then you should eat at least one pair of children whales ... ...
6. The water is clear there are no fish, people are invincible to the base.
7. Youth is like toilet paper, looking at Tingzhi may, with the use of forward to not enough ~
8. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.
9. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~
10. Colleagues went to see the customer, may be tight, a opening is: "Mr Lau Hello, may I ask your name ah?" Khan ah ~~~~~~
11. A bit of a black female students, her boyfriend has Taibai some, there are days, days after the dorm was poisonous tongue suddenly blurting her: "You did not, you will give birth to a zebra"
12. Aging mother has always been as handsome and money as dirt, and they have been to see me like this
13. Do not, and I am better than lazy, I'm too lazy and you're better than
14. I am not a casual person and I can be up and not human
15. God said, Let there be light, I said that I oppose, from the world, with the dark
16. Today a bad mood. I have only four sentences say. Include this and the previous two. I finished saying ......
17. A man to do a cow wandering in between A and C who beef
18. My great name of God, little Jesus, the English name of God, Buddhist name, is the Tathagata ...
19. People can not hang in a tree, near the trees at the tree to die several times more to try
20. Trees do not skin, certain death; were shameless, invincible.
21. Farmer 3 boxing a little pain
22. In fact, I have been very popular: a child of my cute now, I love people slut
23. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid that the same team-mate pigs
24. Go its own way, let others go by taxi
25. Mice carry the knife, the streets looking for the cat
26. As long as the effort deep shit too seriously
27. Chinese, who ran the fastest? Is Cao Cao (non Liu Xiang). Because that Cao Cao Cao Cao to
28. Thinking of how far, how far you go away
29. Only when long lines at the train station, can we truly realize that they are "descendants of the dragon."
30. Lovers and eventually became a family
31. Spring arrived, a group of geese are flying north, while arranged in B fonts T fonts arranged in a while ..
32. Where, where to lie down on the fall
33. Tiger does not shout at you when I was a HELLO KITTY!
34. The donkey is the idea came back ~
◆ woman fat or plump thin is thin high slender dwarf is petite; men fat or thin is ribs pig dwarf bamboo is high is Professor of melon ◆: 90% of adult women in China was not a virgin do send a letter to the President of the other 10% Have you heard of this woman do? Public girls shaking his head. "So you have not received the letter!" ◆ "I have a sort of love you?" "As much as a dime." "Only so little?" "Not a dime is 'very' me?" ◆ You long creative, living your courage, ugly is not your intention, God made a temper, live, without you, who set off the beauty of the world!
01. The early bird catches the worm, Early Riser, eaten by birds!
02. And a whale MM argument is not a fish, finally, I said, "say the word, I also take personal," she agreed to a whale That was not the fish.
03. Tiechu to grind needles, but can only be ground into a toothpick Mu Chu, material does not, more effort is useless.
04. If Replies is a virtue, then I would become a saint.
05. Life can not be like cooking, all the materials are ready before the pot.
06. I heard a woman such as clothing, brother of brotherhood. Looking back, I actually busy divvying up the streaker for 20 years!
07. Wear someone else's shoes, go its own way, let them go play in the search.
08. There is a very ancient legend, said to be in the XX beautiful campus to see who will live forever ... ...
09. Are the eggs all over the world together can break stones? ! So life is still to be realistic ... ...
10. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid of pigs as teammates!
11. Summer is not good, poor northwest wind when I could not even get to drink ... no ...
12. I've had a pair of wings, but I did not use it in the sky, but on the stew pot ... ...
13. The water is clear there are no fish were to base the invincible!
14. I am not a casual person, and I can not man up.
15. Today, I say to my school group visits - to tell the truth, this is the first time I said, I see the clothes!
16. Thinking of how far, how far you roll! ! !
17. I am poor, my family's servants also very poor, my family's gardener is also very poor, very poor drivers of my home ... ...
18. Bank charges, said: "This is in line with international practice!" Service, said: "To consider the situation of China!"
19. On the horse, not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Monk; with angel wings are not necessarily, he may be a bird person.
20. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.
21. Points higher, farther urine.
22. A minimum goal of Students: peasant woman, spring, a bit field
23. I phone a friend in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...
24. Nothing matters not to me, and something not to me!
25. Do you think I will watch you die you go to? I will close my eyes to!
26. Buddha said: "Looking back only 500 of past lives this life in exchange for a pass." I would prefer to pass to a world in exchange for life's 500 Review.
27. What shall I love you to death ... ...
28. Network is like a prison, stole a purse originally came in, so when anything out of the learned.
29. Angels fly the reason is because they themselves see very light ... ...
30. I want to puppy love, but it is too late ... ...
31. Shitai! You from the old monk it!
32. I love you! None of your business?
33. Xuehaiwuya, repent and be saved!
34. Life tmd fun, because life is to play my old tmd!
35. This world, I believe two people, one is me and the other is not you.
36. I do not know who bed-law, daughter-I do not know who's bed!
37. I wish I could personally control your grandfather cry: Daddy!
38. NTUT lied to me four years in college, so I'm going to teach me the knowledge of fraud Greeley social life!
39. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~
40. When you put on love, wedding, and I put on a monk's robe ... ...
41. Never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is set at May 8! ! ! (Cover up)
42. Prices higher and higher, so fewer and fewer good men ... ...
43. If I do the emperor, on the seal when you Prince!
44. I have a friend phone in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...
45. Has never become a good student, is strong and reliable quality!
46. Damn, I been complaints against the! Customers say the mp3 files I gave him no images!
47. Life sometimes is like eunuchs **** it - resistance is painful, do not resist or pain!
48. Will each reduce the number of girls to boys behind the 6!
49. East say the west side of the rain, I am enthusiastic teacher mercilessly. So when I test the door to the common struggle and students!
50. What a strange thing to embrace, clearly depend on so close, but not see each other face
1.钱不是问题，问题是没钱！
2.喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!
3.我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，但又找不到出路．
4.大师兄，你知道吗？二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了
5.如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话，那么你至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼……
6.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌。
7.青春就像卫生纸，看着挺多得，用着用着就不够了~
8.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。
9.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~
10.同事去见客户,可能是紧张,一开口便是：“刘先生你好,请问你贵姓啊?”汗啊~~~~~~
11.一女同学黑了些,她男友又太白了些,有天宿舍里得毒舌天后突然对她冒出一句：“你们这样不行,你们会生出斑马来的”
12.老娘一向视帅哥与金钱如粪土，而他们也一直是这样看我的
13.不要和我比懒,我懒得和你比
14.我不是个随便的人 我随便起来不是人
15.上帝说,要有光,我说我反对,从此世界上有了黑暗
16.今天心情不好.我只有四句话想说.包括这句和前面的两句.我的话说完了......
17.做人就要做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人
18.我的大名叫上帝，小名叫耶稣，英文名God， 法号是如来...
19.人不能在一棵树上吊死，要在附近几棵树上多死几次试试
20.树不要皮，必死无疑；人不要脸，天下无敌。
21.农夫三拳有点疼
22.其实我一直很受人欢迎的：小时候的我人见人爱，如今的我人贱人爱
23.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友
24.走自己的路，让别人打车去吧
25.老鼠扛刀，满街找猫
26.只要功夫深，拉屎也认真
27.中国人谁跑的最快？是曹操（非刘翔）。因为说曹操曹操到
28.思想有多远，你就给我滚多远
29.只有在火车站大排长龙时，才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。
30.有情人终成家属
31.春天来了,一群大雁正向北飞,一会儿排成B字型,一会儿排成T字型..
32.在哪里跌倒 就在哪里躺下
33.老虎不发威 你当我是HELLO KITTY！
34.驴是的念来过倒~
◆女人胖是丰满 瘦是苗条 高是修长 矮是娇小；男人胖是肥猪 瘦是排骨 高是竹竿矮是冬瓜 ◆教授：我国成年女性有90%不是处女 总统为此寄信给其他10%的女性 你们听说过此事吗？众女生摇头。“那么说你们都没有收到信！” ◆“你爱我有几分？”“一毛钱之多。”“只有这么一点吗？”“一毛钱不就是‘十分’吗？” ◆你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
01.早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃！
02.和一MM争论鲸鱼是不是鱼，最后我说“曰本人也带个人字”，她这才同意鲸鱼不是鱼。
03.铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签，材料不对，再努力也没用。
04.如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。
05.人生不能像做菜、把所有的料都准备好才下锅。
06.听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年！
07.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们打的找去吧。
08.有一个很古老的传说，说是在XX校园内能看到美女的人会长生不老……
09.难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗？！所以做人还是要现实些……
10.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友！
11.夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……
12.我也曾有过一双翅膀，不过我没用它在天上翱翔，而是放在锅里炖汤……
13.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌！
14.我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。
15.今天一群曰本人来我校参观——说实话，这是我第一次看到穿衣服的曰本人！
16.思想有多远，你就滚多远！！！
17.我很穷，我家的佣人也很穷，我家的园丁也很穷，我家的司机也很穷……
18.银行收费时说：“这符合国际惯例！”服务时却说：“要考虑中国国情！”
19.骑白马的不一定是王子，他可能是唐僧；带翅膀的也不一定是天使，他可能是鸟人。
20.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。
21.站的更高，尿的更远。
22.一大学生 最低奋斗目标：农妇，山泉，有点田
23.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……
24.没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我！
25.你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死吗？我会闭上眼睛的！
26.佛曰：“前世的500次回眸才换来今生的一次擦肩而过”。我宁愿用来世的一次擦肩而过来换得今生的500次回眸。
27.我拿什么整死你的爱人……
28.网络就像是监狱，本来是偷了个钱包进来的，等出去的时候就什么都学会了。
29.天使之所以会飞，是因为她们把自己看得很轻……
30.我想早恋，但是已经晚了……
31.师太！你就从了老衲吧！
32.我爱你！关你什么事？
33.学海无涯，回头是岸！
34.生活tmd好玩，因为生活老tmd玩我！
35.这个世界上我只相信两个人，一个是我，另一个不是你。
36.我床上的不知道是谁媳妇，我媳妇不知道在谁的床上！
37.我真想亲口管你爷爷叫声：爹！
38.北科大骗了我大学四年，所以我打算用北科大教我的知识骗社会一辈子！
39.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~
40.当你穿上了爱情的婚纱，我也披上了和尚的袈裟……
41.没见过这么恶心的学校——把期中考试订在5月8号！！！（隐讳）
42.房价越来越高，所以，好男人越来越少……
43.如果我做了皇帝，就封你当太子！
44.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……
45.始终没有沦为一名优秀的大学生，靠的就是坚强品质！
46.妈的，我被人投诉了！客户说我给他的mp3文件没有图像！
47.生活有时就像被太监****一样——反抗是痛苦，不反抗还是痛苦！
48.将每个女生后面的男生数减少到6名！
49.东边曰出西边雨，导师无情我有情。所以考试时我要和同学门共同奋战！
50.拥抱真是个奇怪的东西，明明靠的那么近，却看不见彼此的脸
