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大学生英语搞笑话(英语搞笑笑话)

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大学生搞笑英语话剧剧本

荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

旁白(Aside )/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! (面对观众) I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三:Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)

太子:Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状) Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三:Yes.

Action II

(《十面埋伏》中刘德华金成武决斗时的音乐)

荆轲

Are you Li mochou?

李莫愁

Yes.

荆轲

OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.

李莫愁

Are you challenging me?

荆轲

Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意

李莫愁

Come on!

音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。。。”

李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? (赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?)

李莫愁:Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.

荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上(抱拳):How are you?

荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹:Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯:Sure!

太子丹:How are you?

荆柯:Fine, thank you, and your wife?

太子丹晕倒

荆柯:Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹:Oh, I’m kidding too!(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三:Hero,we need your help.

荆柯:I am busy now!

太子丹:You can get a lot of money.

荆柯:I am very busy now!

阿三:IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯:I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三:What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三:Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲:TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹:I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯(激动):Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三:You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗……

(《No matter》音乐起,荆轲先与阿三跳探戈,拥入怀中,又甩出去,阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴,最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型,向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿,荆轲做调戏状。)

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.

太子丹与阿三(撞胯,击掌)Yeah!

Action Ш

(《大话西游》主题曲响起)

荆珂挽着妻子,太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三:Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂:Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹:I will miss you, baby.

(太子丹,阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起,荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过,向荆轲抛媚眼,并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看,妻子发觉不对,扭过头来。)

荆珂(急忙收敛):Darling, I love you.

妻子:I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)

荆珂(流泪) :I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)

妻子:Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

(荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。)

妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪,

荆珂上船,渐渐远去

妻子:It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……

妻子(掏出手机拨号,阿三接手机): Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.

阿三:Okay okay!

旁白:Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

大学生3分钟英语搞笑故事带翻译

The Policeman and the Thief

Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.

The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.

The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.

Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷

一次, 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷,他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上,他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的,呆会儿肯定会饿的,让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。

警察同意了,并在街上等了很长一段时间,但是,小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了,他跑进商店,除了一扇开着的后门,他什么也没看见。

警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。

幸运的是第二天,他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街,同一家商店时,“在这等着我,”警察说道,“上次,你从这家商店溜了,这次,我去买面包,你必须在这等我!”

大学生英语搞笑话(英语搞笑笑话)插图

大学英语搞笑情景对话5分钟左右

A: Tell me a little bit about yourself.请介绍一下你自己。

B: My name is David and I live in Shanghai, I was born in 1980. My major was electrical engineering.我叫David, 住在上海,出身于1980年。我的专业是电子工程。

A: What kind of personality do you think you have?你认为你有怎样的性格?

B: Well, I approach things very enthusiastically, I think, and I don't like to leave things half-done.I'm very organized and extremely capable.嗯,我做事非常热心,我不喜欢把事情做一半。我非常有组织能力,也很能干。

A: What would you say are your weaknesses and strengths?你的弱点和优点是什么?

B: Well, I'm afraid I'm a poor speaker, however I'm fully aware of this, so I've been studying how to speak in public. I suppose my strengths are I'm persistent and a fast-learner.嗯,我不太擅长说话,我已经意识到这点,因此正在学习如何在公众场所说话。我想我的优点是很执着,而且学东西很快。

A: Do you have any licenses or certificates?你有执照或资格证书吗?

B: I have a driver's license, and I am a CPA (Certified Public Accountant).我有驾驶执照,我是注册会计师。

A: How do you relate to others?你和别人相处如何?

B: I'm very co-operative and have good teamwork spirit.我能与人合作,富有团队精

急需一篇大学英语搞笑话剧4~5个人时间不要超过10分钟 谢了

英文:

Scene1(At Salesman’s home)

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!

S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示),I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)

Now press, press……

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)

Press, press……

Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……

Now let me cut it into pieces!

翻译:

Scene1(At Salesman’s home)

N : 在一个黑暗的肮脏的房子里,那里居住一位小,肮脏的推销员。 他总是做不健康的糖果并且卖他们给学生。 他现在有很多金钱。 但是他怎么做糖果? 噢, xu ……他来临!

S : 你好,您是否认识我? 否? 噢,让我告诉您。I’m学校门的著名糖果推销员。 我的糖果为什么是非常普遍的, (展示) ,I don’t知道。 愚蠢学生总是来这里。 I’ll很快是上司! 糖果,金钱,糖果, money……

Oops! It’s时间现在做糖果。(看表)

First,在桌上把面粉放。

Then,水,糖,面粉。(边说边做)

Now新闻, press……

Oh,我肮脏的手! 不要介意! 请做它! (满不在意的神情)

Press, press……

Oh,我的神! 不要介意! 请做它!

Press,新闻,孩子不会知道它, it’s好, hehehe……

Now让我切开它成片断!

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