笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

看英文笑话(看英文笑话简短二三句)

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经典英语笑话大全

下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇,欢迎大家阅读!

经典英语笑话一:咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆,要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说:"或许我可以做的到,但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道:“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

经典英语笑话二:世界各地的蹩脚英语

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅馆:如果您想调节您房间的温度,请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

匈牙利动物园:请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品,请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧:女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮货商店:为女士们制作的皮大衣,是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科诊所:由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰国的干洗店:在这里脱掉您的裤子,等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

意大利妇科诊所:我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓:欢迎访问这个公墓,许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里,但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麦机场:我们将拿走您的行李,送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅馆:旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

经典英语笑话三:送出去还有的东西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去,自己却也还留着?

答案:感冒。

经典英语笑话四:圣诞老人的 爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案:用原子笔

经典英语笑话五:1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节 前夕,圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物,以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯,门还未开前,三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票,猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案:当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

经典英语笑话六:Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

“没事儿,妈妈,”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我帮他吃完时,他也哭了。”

经典英语笑话七:可怜的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里,伤心至极。

酒吧招待:“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

男人:“我们吵了一架,她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

酒吧招待:“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

男人:“不,今天是这个月的最后一天。”

英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.

老师:谁能回到我下一个问题,谁就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window.

一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that?!

老师:谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?

Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

男孩:我!我现在要回家了。

2、What dog can jump higher than a building?

什么狗比大楼跳的还高?

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

任何一只狗,大楼又跳不起来。

3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?

什么有头、有尾,但是没有身体?

A coin!

硬币。

4、What has one eye but cannot see?

什么有一只眼睛,却看不见?

A needle.

针。

5、Wife: "How would you describe me?"

妻子:你会怎么形容我呢?

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

丈夫:ABCDEFGHIJK.

Wife: "What does that mean?"

妻子:那是什么意思?

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

丈夫:迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

妻子:哇,谢谢,但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

丈夫:开个玩笑!

6、Boy: Is this seat empty?

男孩:这个座位是空的么?

Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

女孩:是的,如果你坐下,我的座位也将是空的。

7、My little dog can't read

我的狗不识字

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

8、My Wife Will Exchange Them

反正我太太明天会来换的

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.

一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。

″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.

“您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问。

″Makes no difference ″replied customer.

“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。

″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.

“那您要什么颜色的呢?”售货员又问。

″Any″ he responded.

“什么颜色都成。”他回答。

″Size﹖″

“号码呢?”

″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″

“您就随便给我拿一副吧,”这位顾客有点不耐烦了,“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

看英文笑话(看英文笑话简短二三句)插图

英语小笑话带翻译100个

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人:哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话(八)Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人?

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

英语笑话(九)The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变。第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话(十)One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

回答者:lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08

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其他回答共 2 条

Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道: “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他。

“噢,”证人说:“那么请你回答这个问题:“你停止打你老婆了吗?”

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys?

体育老师:孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗?

Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克:见过,老师,经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢!

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师:那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克:啊,对不起,老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(

抄的..

经典幽默英语笑话8篇

下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ,欢迎大家阅读!

经典幽默英语笑话:The New Baby

Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.

Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.

One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,said Mr.Taylor.

Pat came into the room just then and said,What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,his mother answered.

It's no use,said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.

新生儿

泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩,名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。

帕特在别人家看见过婴儿,他不太喜欢他们,所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。

一天晚上,泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说:有了婴儿,我们的房子就太小,不够住了。

帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋,他问:你们在说什么?他的母亲回答说:我们在说我们现在得搬家,因为婴儿就要诞生了。

那没用,帕特绝望地说。他会跟我们到那儿去的。

经典幽默英语笑话:What Are The Two Words?

A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear, said the old lady,I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?

Why,sure,Granny,said the girl.What are the two words?

是哪两个词?

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的,老夫人说:我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’,另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?

噢,当然,奶奶。女孩说:是哪两个词?

经典幽默英语笑话:What's your name?

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together

Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.

Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?

The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.

你叫什么名字?

有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵,于是他开始 自我介绍 :我的名字叫Stone(石头),事实上,我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招,这样我们就能很好相处了。

接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点,让每个人都能听清楚。另外,不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。

每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时,这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫,当我问你问题的时候,要回答!我再问一遍,你的名字,士兵?

那个新兵很不高兴,但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机),长官。他紧张的说。

经典幽默英语笑话:No Problem

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.

No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.

没问题

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问:有什么可以帮你吗?那个人解释说:我本来去做头发移植,但实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样,而且没有任何痛苦,我将付给你5000美元。

没问题,发型师说,然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

经典幽默英语笑话:

The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced,a hitch arose over the fee,and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted, the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact,the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.

What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.

That's it,replied Hogarth.

But,where are the Israelites?

They are all gone over.

Where are the Egyptians?

They're all drowned.

一天,有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久,酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现,完成这幅画后,他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后,那位主顾被请来看画。其实,这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。

这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海,是那次著名的航海。

这就是,霍迦斯回答说。

可是以色列人在哪儿?

他们都已经渡过去了。

埃及人在哪儿?

他们全都淹死了。

经典幽默英语笑话:人们什么时候说话最少?

Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

汤姆:男人们。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。

经典幽默英语笑话:我丈夫刚进来

The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table,their waiter suddenly rushed over.

在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇,他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时,服务员马上跑了过来。

“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

“夫人,您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

“不,他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”

经典幽默英语笑话:有两条裤子

A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

丈夫下班回到家里,发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了,”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”

“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

“没事儿,”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”

“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

“是的,”妻子高兴地说,“幸亏你还有一条,我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”

英语搞笑笑话8篇

下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话:Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。

一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。

你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

英语搞笑笑话: Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”

英语搞笑笑话:I've Just Bitten My Tongue

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

英语搞笑笑话:我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。

而且,他只会说几个 英语单词 。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

英语搞笑笑话:He Won 他赢了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

英语搞笑笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

英语搞笑笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。

一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

英语搞笑笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会 游泳 ,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些?

1、爆笑英语小笑话1:Who are stupid?谁蠢?

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2:A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师:如果莎士比亚还活着,他会是一名伟人吗?

学生:当然。因为到目前为止,还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3:Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店,看到了一个可爱的小狗,于是他问店主:“你的狗咬人吗?”

店主说:“不,我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗,然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说:“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢!”

店主和他说:“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4:Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察:有人抢你的手表时,你为什么不呼救呢?

男子:要是我张口的话,他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5:Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”

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