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生日最悲伤的笑话英文(关于生日快乐英文短语)

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英语笑话

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

没事偷着乐 职业赌徒

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.

After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

爱的罗曼史

A Little Nuts About Love

Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. "Why the new sign?" I asked. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old one," she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: "Local Honey Dates Nuts"

Check Out a Romance

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn't answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books. "Since I couldn't find the right engagement ring," he said, "this will have to do," and he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read "NOT FOR CIRCULATION."

Sweet Nothings

My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, "I just used a regular 56K modem."

男人们的悖论

We guys always hear the rules from ... 我们男人总是听到自己女人制订的规则,以下是我们的规则。注意!所有的规则都被列为“第一”,这是有意的。

#1 Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see ... 生日、情人节、以及周年纪念日,并不是用来验证我们是否会再给你们买最理想的节日礼物!

#1 Sometimes we are not thinking ... 有时我们并没有想你们。将就着过吧。

#1 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on ... 想要什么就说。让我们清楚地知道你们想要什么。微妙的暗示没有用!强烈的暗示没有用!明显的暗示没有用!就是要说出来!

#1 "Yes" or "No" is perfectly ... “是”和“不”几乎是回答一切问题的最佳答案。

#1 If something we said could be ... 如果我们说过的话可以被解释成两种意思,而其中一种意思会使你悲伤或者愤怒,那么我们应该选取另一种“解释”。

#1 We are not mind readers and we ... 我们不是你们肚子的蛔虫,永远都不是。我们不善于揣摩你们的心思,但这并不能证明我们对你们不够关心。

#1 If you ask a question you ... 如果你们问了一个你们并不想得到答案的问题,那就得准备听到一个你们不想听到的回答。 阅读全文

#1 If we ask what is wrong and ... 如果我们问你们怎么了,而你们说“没事”,那我们就会表现得好像没事一样。我们不是不知道你们在说谎,只是觉得不值得为此小题大做而已。

#1 Thank you for reading this. Yes. I know. I have to ... 谢谢你们阅读此规则。是的,我们知道今晚我们得睡沙发,但是你们知道我们真的不在乎这个。睡沙发犹如露营。

大学生重写的圣经

1. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

2. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.

3. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.

4. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

5. Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.

6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.

7. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.

8. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.

9. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

10. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

1. 最后的晚餐是第二天早上的冷饭。

2. 十诫只有五条,排版时用大字体、双倍行距。

3. 每两年出一套新版,以防有人倒卖。

4. 禁果被偷吃的原因是那不是从食堂买的。

5. 保罗给罗马人写的信成了保罗发到abuse@romans.gov的e-mail。

6. 该隐杀掉亚伯的原因:这俩人住一个宿舍。

7. 世界末日的发生地:期末考场,而不是善恶大决战的战场。

8. 删掉所有的骡子,改成山地自行车。

9. 摩西和追随者在沙漠里走了40年的原因:他们不想因为问路显得像一群新生。

10. 上帝并不是花六天创造了世界然后在第七天休息的,他一直拖到最后一天晚上才动手,熬了个通宵搞定

生日最悲伤的笑话英文(关于生日快乐英文短语)插图

经典英语笑话大全

下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇,欢迎大家阅读!

经典英语笑话一:咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆,要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说:"或许我可以做的到,但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道:“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

经典英语笑话二:世界各地的蹩脚英语

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅馆:如果您想调节您房间的温度,请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

匈牙利动物园:请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品,请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧:女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮货商店:为女士们制作的皮大衣,是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科诊所:由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰国的干洗店:在这里脱掉您的裤子,等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

意大利妇科诊所:我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓:欢迎访问这个公墓,许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里,但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麦机场:我们将拿走您的行李,送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅馆:旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

经典英语笑话三:送出去还有的东西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去,自己却也还留着?

答案:感冒。

经典英语笑话四:圣诞老人的 爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案:用原子笔

经典英语笑话五:1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节 前夕,圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物,以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯,门还未开前,三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票,猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案:当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

经典英语笑话六:Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

“没事儿,妈妈,”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我帮他吃完时,他也哭了。”

经典英语笑话七:可怜的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里,伤心至极。

酒吧招待:“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

男人:“我们吵了一架,她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

酒吧招待:“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

男人:“不,今天是这个月的最后一天。”

10个英文笑话。

Jack

feell

off

his

bicycle

and

got

hurt.

A

beautiful

young

nurse

asked

him

to

fill

forms.

Jack

finished

them

and

gave

them

back.'Anything

else?'

The

nurse

asked.

'Yes,'Jack

thinks

for

a

while

and

said,'I'm

a

bachelor.'

杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格'还有什么漏填的?'护士问.

'有!'杰克想了想说,'我是个单身汉.'

Wife:You

see.According

to

te

statistics

on

thepaper,80%

of

those

who

have

died

of

liver

cancer

have

drunk

alcohol.

Husband:It's

okey.

To

my

investigation,all

Thespeopleeat

meals.

妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.

丈夫:那有什么?据我调查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃饭的.

'Excuse

me,but

the

seat

you've

taken

is

mine.'

'Yours?Can

you

prove

it?'

'Yes,I

put

a

cup

of

ice

cream

on

it.'

'请原谅,你占了我的位置.'

'你的位置?你能征明这点吗?'

'能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌.'

One

day,Eve

asked

Adam,'Doyou

really

love

me?'

Adam

said

helplessly,'Do

I

have

any

other

choice?'

一天,夏娃问亚当:'你当真爱我吗?'

亚当无可奈何地回答:'我还有的选择吗?'

Always

Thirsty

'I

had

an

operation,'

said

a

man

to

his

friend,

'and

the

doctor

lefta

sponge

in

me.'

'That's

terrible!'

said

the

friend.

'Got

any

pain?'

'No,

but

I

am

always

thirsty!'

总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说:“我动了一次手术,手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”

“真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道:“你觉得疼吗?”

“不疼,可是我总感到口渴。”

A

Useful

Way

Father:

Jack,

why

do

you

drink

so

much

water?

Jack:

I

have

just

had

an

apple,

Dad.

Father:

What's

that

got

to

do

with

it?

Jack:

I

forgot

to

wash

the

apple.

一个有效的方法

爸爸:杰克,你干嘛喝这么多水呀?

杰克:我刚才吃了个苹果,爸爸。

爸爸:可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢?

杰克:我忘了洗苹果呀。

A

Present

Kate:

Mom,

do

you

know

what

I'm

going

to

give

you

for

your

birthday?

Mom:

No,

Honey,

what?

Kate:

A

nice

teapot.

Mom:

But

I've

got

a

nice

teapot.

Kate:

No,

you

haven't.

I've

just

dropped

it.

凯特的礼物

凯特:妈妈,你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?

妈妈:不知道,宝贝,是什么呀?

凯特:一把漂亮的茶壶。

妈妈:可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。

凯特:不,你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

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