笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

让你死心的笑话英文(我不会笑话你的,放心吧英文)

本文目录一览:

送你八个笑话,小心笑掉大牙

01

在公交车上听到一母亲教儿子背诗:“锄禾日当午,妈妈最辛苦;下午打麻将,晚上斗地主。”

02

朋友说他的媳妇特别懒,我问咋了,他说他家住三楼,他媳妇每次在网上买东西的时候都在备注上写:“孕妇,行动不便,请送货上门!”

前些天,送快递的小哥终于忍不住了,在楼下大喊:“三年了!我忍了你三年了!你怀的是哪吒么? ”

03

有天跟儿子聊天。

我:儿子,你知道你出身的时候哭的特别凶吗?把你爹我吵死了。

儿子白了我一眼:唉,我第一眼看到你,我就知道投错胎了,我能不伤心的哭吗?

我:……

04

一兄弟问:“穿什么裤子显得人年轻?”

我回答到:“我实在是想不出有什么能比穿纸尿裤更年轻的了!”

05

一个兄弟买了眼药水,回家后点了两滴,闭上眼睛转了转眼珠,睁开眼,一片漆黑,突然什么都看不到了。

我的天啊,这是买了什么眼药水?两滴致瞎!他顿时从椅子上摔倒了,桌子也踢翻了,嚎啕大哭。

这时,他老婆在一旁骂道:“越来越神经了,停个电都把你吓成这样!”

06

全面放开二胎以后……某学生在学校犯错误了,老师让其把家长叫来,学生说家长不在家,舅舅可以么?老师说行。

第二天,他背上刚满周岁的小舅奔向学校……

07

老伴特别爱打麻将,爱到什么程度呢?

有一次,他病了,吃药吃不好,打针打不好,拿个“发财”煮了一碗汤,趁热一喝,好了!

08

小寒当天,气温骤降,一哥们衣服穿少了,路过一家店,看到门口上面写着:貂皮50元一件,羽绒服20元一件,夏装10元一件,童装5元一件......

便走进去挑了三件羽绒服、两件貂皮,甩给老板娘200元不用找了,就走了!

老板娘跟疯了似的,骑个大破自行车手里拿个大砖头子嗷嗷的撵啊:你给我站住,我这是干洗店……!

笑掉大牙的经典短语

1、曾经我抛了块砖,没引来玉,却引来了

2、我太佩服我自己了,有时候照镜子的时候都给自己磕头!

3、有的人相信命运,有的人不信。这并不奇怪,但不同的是:相信命运的大多碌碌无为,不相信命运的却常能有所成。

4、你离开,我不挽留;你回来,我不收留!

5、在感情遇到的挫折,都是揽到自己身上,淡淡的说声:是我没有爱情的天分。

6、叶子的离开,不是风的追求,也不是树的挽留,而是命运的安排,自然的选择;该来的会来,该走的会走,有时候离开并不意味着结束,而是--另一种开始。

7、对于阳痿的人说,早泄只是一种奢望。

8、我知道喜欢你的人很多,不缺我一个。可我喜欢的人很少,除了你就没了。

9、不要拿过去的记忆,来折磨现在的自己。

10、这社会很残酷,当你犯了错,没人告诉你,只会偷偷修理你,只要你不发现,你就吃亏一辈……

11、理解你的人,不需要解释。不理解你的人,不配你解释。淡薄那些无关紧要的评论,好好走自己的路

12、一觉醒来觉得自己像双面胶,一不小心就粘住了。

13、山穷水尽疑无路,一路堪比一路苦。

14、晚上没事的时候,喜欢一个人出去走走,一个人行走在夜色中,看着路灯下拉出的长长的影子,感觉是那么的落寞。

15、虽然我不能菩度众生,但我可以祸害苍生。

16、看到食堂的饭菜、觉得、要是吃了、委屈自己、要是不吃苦了自己。

17、故事的开始:“我会给你幸福。”,故事的结局:“祝你幸福。”

18、如果婚姻是爱情的坟墓,那么--相亲是为坟墓看风水,表白是自掘坟墓,结婚是双双殉情,移情别恋是迁坟,第三者是盗墓。

19、有时候女人和你不讲道理,基本上是因为她爱你。

20、没本事当爹,就别让自己的女人怀孕

21、国与国之间靠的是枪炮,人与人之间靠的是钞票,男人与女人之间靠的是睡觉。

22、这鬼天气,有什么想吃的、拿出来晒晒就熟了~~

23、穷人的孩子早当家,富人的孩子早当官。说说心情短语

24、你在没有我的世界里安然无恙,我在没有你的世界里故作坚强。

25、登QQ,貌似为了等一个人,可等到了,却又是无言以对……

26、小三,你手里握着我的男人是不是很骄傲?让我轻轻的告诉你,你那,是我玩剩的了。

27、英文歌听的是节奏、中文歌听的是心情

28、过去谈朋友是先问别人有朋友没有,现在得问别人是不是同性恋。

29、多谢你的绝情,让我学会死心。

30、进你空间之前我还在想着要不要删除访问记录,进去之后才发现我根本进不去。

31、这个时代爱傻子都可以,千万别爱书呆子。因为傻子可能是某方面的天才,但书呆子绝对是傻子。

32、生活真他妈好玩,因为生活老他妈玩我

33、下辈子做只猪,就算被宰,也痛快

34、每个大学门口,最多的就是旅馆和网吧,高富帅晚上去宾馆,屌丝晚上去网吧。早上同时出来,都撑着腰,不同的是,一个是做的,一个是坐的……

笑掉大牙的心情短语

1、把廉价的东西变得无价,才是真正的王道。

2、开往地狱的火车,已启程。请勿扰。

3、我们穿越别人的路,让他们停在半路。

4、跟我逛街,你只许看商品,不许看美女,我除外。

5、我和脂肪作斗争,差点没牺牲

6、我娘说浪子回头金不换,谁给我金子?我换。

7、这世界是你的,这时代是你的,可惜你是我的。

8、别以为你拿把刀,就是刀郎

9、风光的背后,不是沧桑,就是肮脏。

10、我的精神分裂治好了,我和我很开心。

11、你是疯子,他是傻子,缠缠绵绵跳悬崖。

12、你长的外形不准,比例没打好。

13、都什么年代了,一点流氓意识都没有。

14、傻子不说傻子傻,坏蛋不说坏蛋坏

15、不懂心的是你,却让我背负了千年的等待!

16、曾经过度依赖的,现在变的嫉妒陌生着。

17、太阳出来我爬山坡,爬完山坡我想唱歌。

18、等有一天我修成正果,把你们这些妖孽全收了。

19、我不是lady gaga,我不会哦啦啦。

20、今天什么都宣泄了一番,我们都倒了一遍垃圾。

21、说过的话可以不算,喜欢的人天天要换。

22、矮个子的好处就是能把九分裤当长裤穿。

23、主宰是我自己,随便人家如何想,我还是我 。

24、被生活压抑着的我,突然有了出家的念头。

25、古言云:三人行,必有电灯泡。

雷人短语笑掉大牙

引导语:有脚气,自己都受不了,一日去买鞋。店里妹子不知是训练有素还是店长要求,一定要蹲下帮我换鞋。试了第一双,又试了第二双。当我要求试第三双时,妹子眼含热泪说:“大哥,这里的鞋子不太适合你的气质,你要么隔壁去看看?”

1、女朋友在街边给我买了个烤红薯,我问她:“要是我以后我和卖红薯的一样没出息,你还会陪在我身边吗?”她淡淡的回答:“那个卖红薯的就是我前男友。”

2、领导台上作报告,一大胸服务员过来斟茶,领导看得出神。秘书咳嗽提醒,领导回神尴尬地一拍脑袋,说到:“瞧我这奶子,刚刚说到哪了!”

3、老公属鸡,我拉着他的手说这是鸡爪,指着他的头说这是鸡头。指着他的眼说这是鸡眼,说到脖子的时候顿了一下我说这是鸡颈。老公听到这突然就急了,气急败坏的跳起来纠正我:你是不是没文化啊,这个叫鸡脖!等等…好像有什么不对劲……

4、午休时间在宿舍里、所有人都在床上坐着聊天突然、我一舍友问:“男人和女人的最大差别是什么、请用一个成语概括出来?”另一舍友想都不想直接用一种很凝重的语气回答说:“凹凸不平。”然后,他坐在那10分钟没说话。

5、本人是名人民警察,今天下班回家刚开门,五岁儿子就拉着他妈大喊:“条子来了,快跑……”熊孩子,你过来,爹保证不打死你!

6、随着网络购物的兴起,一些实体商家的利益受到了损害,于是有实体商家发起了一次反电商游行。记者采访游行队伍中的一名老汉:“大爷,请问你是做什么的?”老汉:“我是个农民!”记者奇怪道:“农民?那您卖的应该是蔬菜水果,电商不可能损害到您的利益吧!”老汉道:“谁说没有!我卖的是黄瓜…”记者插嘴:“黄瓜那也…”老汉打断他道:“现在姑娘们都上网匿名购买玩具了,我这黄瓜的生意一落千丈。这还没损害我的利益么!!”记者:……

7、问:“你对北京雾霾情况有什么看法?”答:“我认为北京雾霾还是又好处的……”问:“比如说……”答:“以前尿急的时候还要找卫生间,现在吗!根本不用顾虑很多……”

8、一个漂亮学妹问我:学长,你有女朋友吗?我心一激动,如实回答:没有。学妹拎起裙脚,原地转了一圈,问道我:学长,漂亮吗?我心跳加速,狂点头说:漂亮。学妹开心的说:我男朋友送我的。

9、男子在北京什刹海边捡到一盏神灯,擦了擦,出来一个精灵。精灵说“谢谢你救了我,我可以满足你三个愿望。”男子一惊,失声道:“谁。谁。谁在说话?”

10、过几天我因为要出差,晕车啊,去药店吧。我骑着电动车,老板在药店门口,我就问:“有晕车药吗?”老板说:“你坐这车都晕?是该吃药了!”

11、一冬天和一妹子上厕所,妹子说,下辈子一定不当女人,我说是啊,又要来大姨妈又要生孩子,谁知那人来一句,冬天尿个尿还要脱裤子,冻pp…

12、吃过晚饭,我紧张的对媳妇说:“媳妇,为什么每次都是我洗碗,我想要民主。”媳妇考虑了一下:“好,以后咱家猜拳,谁输了谁洗碗,民主吧?”我连忙点头。媳妇又说:“现在开始猜拳吧。不过我警告你,你只能出拳头,你如果敢出别的,你就死定了。”

13、我问老妈:“如何才能成为一个有原则的人?”老妈说:“有钱才有原则。”我不禁陷入了沉思,然后深深的叹了口气:“想不到,我们全家都是没有原则的人。”

14、喜欢一个女孩子很久,今天跟她表白,我说:“我喜欢你,虽然我没什么能够给你,但我会让你幸福的,做我女朋友吧!”看她犹豫不决的样子,我坚定的说:“我还有两个肾!”

15、室友割完包皮之后回来,我们都安慰他要好好卧床休息,别看乱七八糟的东西把线撑开了。第二天一早起床的时候,我们的手机闹铃都换成了苍老师的娇喘。

16、手机游戏玩腻了,我说:“老公,太无聊了,有啥好玩的国产游戏吗?”二货老公伸出爪子:“来, 石头剪子布!”我竟然无言以对!

17、跟老妈走在路上看到一对对情侣走来走去,亲妈开口了:“瞧,好菜都让猪拱了。”单身的我怎么听起来似乎连猪都不如!

18、本人女,晚上突然想吃黄瓜,就去公共水房洗了两根,正巧有几个女生在那里洗衣服,她们看看我又看看我手里的黄瓜,看的我这个紧张!为了还黄瓜一个清白,我楞是站在水房把两根黄瓜都吃了!回到宿舍舍友问我:“不是去洗黄瓜了吗,黄瓜呢?”别问了,这个世界太乱了!

19、我一哥们烟瘾特大,一次这货喝酒喝多了骑摩托车被摔了个半死,到医院看他时,这货头上缠满了绷带,见面第一句话却是“先给我点上一颗”。烟点上后就出现了这样一幅画面: 在暖暖的阳光下,一尊缠满绷带的香炉正透过层层绷带向外袅袅的飘着青烟!

20、王思聪:“爸,你看那…”“买买买”“那是天安门…”“啊哈哈哈哈…霾霾霾…”北京的雾霾这么严重,你妈造吗?

21、高中生物课上,老师问:“受精过程是在哪里进行的?”一二货同学直接大声回答:“在床上……床上!”

22、出差在外,人地两生,想买消炎药。遇一大姐问其曰:大姐,这附近哪有药店啊?大姐:买套啊?我:啊,不是,我买药!大姐:买套多好啊,药伤身体。我:我买消炎药。大姐:肿了啊?

23、去一个富二代哥们儿家玩,我不想错过这个难得的机会,于是我把自己打扮得很土气,言行举止娘得飞起。饭间,哥们儿去上厕所,他妈妈突然严肃地对我说:“说吧,你要多少钱才肯离开我儿子?”

24、北京又从卫星地图上消失了,奥巴马愤怒的把绝密报告摔在桌上,“到底是什么先进武器,这么大的城市说不见就不见啦?北京雾霾究竟有多可怕?连你们都不敢去?”钢铁侠、绿巨人、蝙蝠侠等羞愧的低下头。忽然,金刚狼提议:“擎天柱可以!他不需呼吸!”擎天柱默默的说:“我尼玛的限号!”

25、“医生,为什么我每天早上坐起来,一条腿伸直,一条腿弯曲,两手往前伸感觉腰疼!”医生问:“你每天早上为什么要做那么高难度的动作呢?”“这,这每天早上穿裤子也算高难度动作?”

26、陪同事去法院旁听,第一次去,挺紧张的。进去后大家都正襟危坐很严肃的样子,法官出庭后突然有人喊“全体起立”!这时脑子一抽,站起来大喊:“老师好”!全场顿时哄笑一片。

27、我和妻子半夜被楼下传来的声音吵醒,我抽出床下的棒球棍,紧握在手中,两人悄悄地走下楼梯,发现有一个超漂亮的姑娘在我们的客厅里。我妻子的头部突然遭到一记重击,之后的事她就什么也不记得了。

28、刚下楼吃宵夜,在电梯里放了个又响又臭的屁。为了掩饰自己内心的尴尬,我恶狠狠瞪着旁边那个老兄。我一直瞪着他,那哥们终于不耐烦了说:“TMD装什么B,这里就咱俩人!”

29、单身太久了,好不容易找个女朋友,陪她去买衣服,她进换衣间换衣服,我一迷糊,以为自己一个人出来转呢,就回去了,回去了……

30、凌晨,老婆发朋友圈:老公出差了,人家的老公却折腾了我一个晚上。我不就出个差吗!至于把带儿子说得那么有伤大雅嘛!

编后语:清晨,我正在洗脸,儿子突然间大吼一声“无敌铁头功”然后低着头向我冲来,我脑子一抽,随手拿起不锈钢脸盆挡住自己。“砰”紧接着,响起了儿子的哭声,与老婆的怒吼。

让你死心的笑话英文(我不会笑话你的,放心吧英文)插图

伤感的句子说说心情英文

1、你的眼睛,如花般斑斓。

Your eyes, like beautiful flowers.

2、一次的邂逅,一辈子的伤。

A chance encounter, a lifetime of injury.

3、曾经相遇,总胜过从未碰头。

Once met, total than never to meet.

4、原先笑靥如花,后来满是伤疤。

The original smile, then full of scars.

5、删了一个好友,空了一个分组。

Delete a friend, a group of empty.

6、电影散场,你等的人却仍然没有来。

The movie, you and other people still do not have to.

7、太怕失去你,所以笑里都写满孤寂。

Too afraid to lose you, so smile all write full of loneliness.

8、无人与我立黄昏,无人问我粥可温。

No one with me in the evening, no one asked me porridge.

9、后来我继续喜欢你,继续心酸与孤独。

Then I continue to love you, to sad and lonely.

10、我还留在原地等待,你却从未回头看。

I still stay where you are, but you never look back.

11、曾被爱伤得彻底才把自己关的那么紧。

Once you have to completely shut myself so tight.

12、你的世界如此辽阔,我会在哪个角落。

Your world is so vast, I will be in the corner.

13、你真幽默,用分手来试探我有多爱你。

You really humorous, with the break up to test how much I love you.

14、你不要再回来了我已经没有力气讨好。

You don't want to come back, I have no strength to please.

15、你微笑着站在远方,我在这里寂寞流浪。

You smiled and stood in the distance, I am here lonely wandering.

16、若未来你能想起我,希望那是温暖瞬间。

If you can think of me in the future, I hope it is a warm moment.

17、最恐惧寂寞、却总是被这种恐惧缠绕着。

The most afraid of loneliness, but is always haunted by this fear.

18、如果你不能爱我,就不该打扰我的平静。

If you can't love me, don't disturb my peace.

19、老师唯一没骗我们的就是,三年真的很短!

The only teacher didn't deceive us is that three years is really short!

20、你若对我沉默,对不起,我只好对你冷漠。

If you are silent to me, I am sorry, I have to be indifferent to you.

21、我只能任凭回忆,嘲笑我自己到底有多孤单

I can only let the memories, laugh at me in the end how lonely

22、陪你走完这一段路,你也变成我路过的路。

Accompany you to go through this section of the road, you have become my way through the road.

23、黑白色的心底最柔软的地方也被你击碎了。

The black and white color of the bottom of the heart of the most soft place you have shattered.

24、其实,我一直都在你身后,就差你一个回头。

In fact, I have been behind you, you will be sent back.

25、我若不爱你,又怎会允许你践踏我的自尊心?

If I don't love you, how can I allow you to trample on my pride?

26、你想要一个关于永久的承诺,我真的给不起。

You want a permanent commitment, I really can not afford to.

27、对于你,我始终只能以陌生人的身份去怀念。

For you, I always can only to the identity of a stranger to miss.

28、不要接近我,熟悉我,心疼我,然后离开我。

Don't be close to me, know me, love me, then leave me.

29、我没有饮过最烈的酒,但我放弃过最爱的人。

I have never drunk the strongest wine, but I have given up on the most loved one.

30、我就是一个笑话,逗笑了别人,笑疼了自己。

I was a joke, laugh others, smile hurt yourself.

31、承受自己能承受住的,忍受自己不能承受的。

Bear oneself can bear, bear oneself can not bear.

32、喜欢喝白开水,因为这样可以温暖我冰凉的心。

Like drinking water, because it can warm my cold heart.

33、我喜欢笑,因为我想把悲伤融合在我的笑容里。

I like to laugh, because I want to put the sadness in my smile.

34、远离对你忽冷忽热的人,别做别人寂寞时的玩伴。

Apart from the people you don't do what others sometimes hot and sometimes cold, lonely playmates.

35、据说,一个男孩喜欢你,他会一直不叫你的名字。

It is said that a boy likes you, he will not call you by name.

36、要么一直骄傲的单身,要么全心全意只为一个人。

Either have been proud of single, or heart and soul only for a person.

37、曾经我爱你爱到骨子里,如今我恨你恨进血液里。

I love you, love to the bones, now I hate you into the blood.

38、能不能。有那么一个肩膀。让我可以一辈子依靠。

Can not. There is a shoulder. Let me be able to depend on.

39、以前觉得撕心裂肺的事,变成回忆后就成了笑话。

I think the piercing thing, become a memory after a joke.

40、你是我的可遇不可求,可遇不可留,可遇不可有。

You are my can not seek, can not stay, can not have.

41、我多想画个圈,把自己关在里面,把一切挡在外面。

I want to draw a circle, put myself in it, and put everything in the outside.

42、幸福的事不是有很多人爱你,而是你爱的人也爱你。

The happy thing is not that there are many people love you, but you love the people who love you.

43、错爱,是喜欢却不合适的鞋,穿了脚疼,扔了心疼。

So, love is not the right shoes, wearing foot pain, threw distressed.

44、我拒绝了所有暧昧,只为等你的一个不确定的未来。

I refused all ambiguous, only to wait for you an uncertain future.

45、上学换座位的时候,和喜欢的人一桌,是最幸福的事。

Go to school for a seat, and like a table, is the most happy thing.

46、曾经莪以为念念不忘?人,也就在一念之间都忘记了。

Once I thought about the people, also it have forgotten.

47、少走了弯路,也就错过了风景。无论如何,感谢经历。

Less detours, but also missed the scenery. Anyway, thanks for the experience.

48、幸福请了假,漂流在何方;若不曾迷茫,又何来悲伤?

Happiness please leave, drifting in where; if not lost, and what to sad?

49、相遇,是一种美丽,像一座小城向晚,映着夕阳的绚烂。

Meet, is a kind of beauty, like a small town in the evening, reflecting the splendid sunset.

50、时光你总是那么自以为是,我的心却被你伤的零零落落。

The time you are always so opinionated, but my heart was hurt you and zero zero.

51、孤单不是与生俱来,而是由你爱上一个人的那一刻开始。

Alone is not born, but by the moment you fall in love with a person.

52、我说我爱他。他说他也爱我。那么。这样可以继续很久吧。

I said I loved him. He said he loved me too. Then. This will continue for a long time.

53、害怕太主动反而被敷衍,只好把自己的想念和热情都收敛。

Fear too much initiative but be put to a superficial, have their own thoughts and enthusiasm are converging.

54、如果时光是记忆的橡皮擦,我希望自己从来没有使用过它。

If time is a memory eraser, I hope I never used it.

55、我不会再继续喜欢你了,这段文字打完后我就准备离开你了。

I will not continue to like you, this section of the text after I was ready to leave you.

56、终于如你所愿,我已将你视为平常,连看你一眼都觉得多余。

Finally, as you wish, I have seen you as a normal, even if you have a look at the excess.

57、明知道你的说说写的不是为我,而我却自欺欺人的对号入座。

You know about writing is not for me, but I was talking.

58、疼吗?疼也不要说,有事自己扛着,别人不是你,不会懂你。

Does it hurt? Don't say, you have to carry, others are not you, will not understand you.

59、哭的再歇斯底里也代表不了有多伤心,只有笑的灿烂才最坚强。

Cry again the hysteria can not rePsent how sad, only the brilliant smile is the most strong.

60、能不能告诉我,你和我的关系,要么让我安心,或者,让我死心!

Can you tell me the relationship between you and me, or let me, or let me up!

61、当你看惯了任何人的忽冷忽热,你也就习惯了所有人的渐行渐远。

When you see anyone you are accustomed to sometimes hot and sometimes cold, drifting away all the people.

62、真希望自己变回小孩,因为,摔破的膝盖总比破碎的心要容易修补。

I hope to be a child, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

63、眼泪的存在是为了证明一切都不是幻觉,好想让我想得都成为现实。

The existence of tears is to prove that everything is not illusion, want to make me want to be a reality.

64、男人喜欢漂亮脸蛋,女人喜欢甜言蜜语。所以女人化妆,男人撒谎。

Men like beautiful face, women like sweet. So women make up, men lie.

65、走着走着,就散了,回忆都淡了;回头发现,你不见了,忽然我乱了。

Walk, walk, walk away, the recollection is weak; turn head to discover, you are gone, suddenly my disorderly.

66、世界上最远的距离,不是爱,也不是恨,而是熟悉的人,渐渐得陌生。

The furthest distance in the world, is not love, not hate, but familiar with people, gradually unfamiliar.

67、真的想成为你的遗憾,等你老了,想起我来,如我现在这般,苦笑不堪。

I want to be your regret when you are old, I think, as I do now, smile.

68、我不敢奢求太多,只想把瞬间当成永远,把现在都变成回忆,一点一滴。

I dare not to expect too much, just the moment as always, to now become memories, every little bit.

69、该走的人迟早会走,与其费力勒紧手里的线,不如等风来的时候就放手。

The right people will go sooner or later, its effort to tighten his line, such as when the wind comes to let go.

70、知道什么叫多余吗?夏天的棉袄,冬天的风扇,还有已经心冷后的殷勤。

Do you know what is redundant? Summer cotton padded jacket, winter fan, and have the heart after the hospitality.

71、有没有过班主任不在班上时教室声音很大,可是有时会诡异的安静几秒。

There is not a class teacher is not in class when the classroom sounds great, but sometimes the strange quiet a few seconds.

72、华丽的姿态,能有几人知其内幕?逞强的成熟,又有谁能知其内心的幼稚?

Gorgeous posture, can have a few people know its insider? To mature, and who can know the inner childish?

73、很多人不需要再见,因为只是路过而已。遗忘就是我们给彼此最好的纪念。

A lot of people don't need good-bye, because it's just passing by. Forgetting is the best memorial to each other.

74、曾经我以为真心对待一个自己爱的人就能永远,现在想来,不过就是个笑话。

Once I thought to be true to one's own love can be forever, and now want to come, but is a joke.

75、对不起,没长成你喜欢的样子,没养成你喜欢的性格,没有让你心动的感觉。

Sorry, not the way you like, did not develop your favorite character, did not make you feel the heart.

76、我什么都没有忘,但是有些事只适合收藏,不能说,也不能想,却又不能放。

I have nothing to forget, but some things are only suitable for collection, can not say, can not think, but can not put.

77、以后的岁月还那么漫长,漫长到我可以重新喜欢上别人,就像当初喜欢你那样。

After the years is so long, long to I can love others, just like you do.

78、我希望你幸福,因为那是我最大的心愿;我又怕你幸福,因为那样你就会忘了我。

I hope you are happy, because it is my biggest wish; I'm afraid you happiness, because then you will forget me.

79、我不知道异地恋能坚持多久,不能见面,不能拥抱,不能亲吻,就连牵手都是奢侈。

I do not know how long distance love can persist, can not meet, can not hug, can not kiss, even in hand is a luxury.

分了就分了吧,你已经让我死心了。 麻烦把这句话翻译成英文谢谢!

分了就分了吧,你已经让我死心了。

Break up with me, just you've let me down.

Dawes, pale with rage and mortification

谁能给我一些笑话(最好英语)中文也行

The Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.

Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: You have a gun in there?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?

The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure, Officer.

Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun.

Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.

Driver: No problem.

The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire.

Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!

Best Way

Mary loved Tom, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. "How can I stop Tom from spending so much money on me?"She asked her mother.

"Marry him!"

Dating for Mother

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he.

One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

A New Drug 一种新药

Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.

Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?

Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.

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未经允许不得转载:笑话哦 » 让你死心的笑话英文(我不会笑话你的,放心吧英文)

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