笑话哦本文目录一览：
有没有短又易懂的英语笑话
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇瓶子了
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
Stranger: Catch any fish?
陌生人：钓到鱼了吗？
Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning.
钓鱼者：我是谁？一早晨我就在这条小溪钓到了40多条鱼呢。
Stranger: Know who I am? I'm the game warden
陌生人：你知道我是谁吗？我是这里的渔猎执行官。
Fisherman: Know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the state
钓鱼者：那你知道我是谁吗？我是全国最大的说谎者。
3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....
老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？
汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？
汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本……
Who Was Disgusting?
Simon said to his friend,"My new neighbor was very disgusting.He rang the bell of my house late at night.""It was really disgusting.Did you call the police?"said his
friend.Simon said,"No.I just took him as a mad man,and continued to play the piano".
谁是恶心的？
西蒙对他的朋友说，“我对我的新邻居是很反感的。他老在深夜按我家的门铃。”“真恶心。你报警了吗？”他说朋友。西蒙说，“我只是把他当作一个疯子，继续弹钢琴”。
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
男: This seat empty?（这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）【我立马走人】
男：Haven't I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：Can I have your name?（我能知道你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don't you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）【长的真丑】
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些？
1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”
“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does
your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”
一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”
店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”
店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”
4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙
6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”
“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
英语的搞笑短句大全
1.幽默的英文句子
【第一条】英文：Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating.中文：考试害了多少个孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。
【第二条】英文：For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.中文：对于美女，看两眼就行，转身告诉自己，我老婆比她们都好。【第三条】英文：Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.中文：你有没有发现，那些讨厌你的人，长得都特别丑。
【第四条】英文：Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.中文：自从会玩QQ后，我发现我拼音越来越好了，读书都没这效果。【第五条】英文：I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.中文：我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是个妞。
【第六条】英文：I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke！中文：我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！【第七条】英文：Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.中文：考试有人靠的是实力，而我靠的是丰富的想象力。【第八条】英文：Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run.中文：国外：思想和才能才是王道，国内：关系和马屁才能横行。
【第九条】英文：The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.中文：听到老师说又要开始罚钱，我就知道是他工资花完了。【第十条】英文：The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.中文：男人情史丰富那叫风流，女人情史丰富那叫风骚。
【第十一条】英文：One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.中文：一个人快活，两个人生活，三个人就是你死我活。【第十二条】英文：Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying.中文：毛爷爷说，不以结婚为目的的搞对象都是耍流氓。
【第十三条】英文：Brother, you have to face the resolution is good？中文：大哥，把你脸上的分辨率调低点好吗？【第十四条】英文：In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.中文：天上没有白掉的馅饼，倒有白掉的砖头。【第十五条】英文：Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have！中文：理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！【第十六条】英文：More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.中文：再多各自牛逼的时光 也比不上一起傻逼的岁月。
【第十七条】英文：Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.中文：思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。【第十八条】英文：Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.中文：中国人就两大特点：一，不爱说实话；二，不爱听实话。
【第十九条】英文：You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.中文：你长的很爱国，很敬业，很有骨气。【第二十条】英文：Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.中文：女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
【第二十一条】英文：If you don't like brother talk about conscience, I did not, a few days just donated.中文：你丫别跟哥谈良心，哥没有，上几天刚捐了。【第二十二条】英文：Go go go, don't waste the youth the two words, you are already the beginning of autumn.中文：去去去，别糟蹋青春那两字了，你都已经立秋了。
【第二十三条】英文：Women have two mouths, a mouth is a, a mouth to eat.中文：女人有俩张嘴，一张嘴道是非，一张嘴会吃人。【第二十四条】英文：In fact, the day classes can be short, the computer opening and closing the past.中文：其实，一天班可短暂了，电脑一开一关就过去了。
【第二十五条】英文：You have learned at school all forget, the rest is quality.中文：把你们在学校所学的知识统统忘掉，剩下的就是素质。【第二十六条】英文：Living half are bad luck, the other half is how to handle it.中文：活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。
【第二十七条】英文：Life can not cook, all the materials are ready was the pot.中文：人生不能像做菜，把所有的料都准备好才下锅。【第二十八条】英文：First scroll: Live meaningless, the second line of a couplet: Dutch act no courage, horizontal batch: white go back.中文：上联：活着没意义，下联：自杀没勇气，横批：白走一回。
【第二十九条】英文：My principle is: the person does not make me, I do not prisoners; if the person make me, I will get angry！中文：我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！【第三十条】英文：After today, do not meet again, I am afraid to wake up every day to beat you many times.中文：过完了今天，就不要再见面，我害怕每天醒来揍你好几遍。【第三十一条】英文：What I want, is shameless. What to eat, is not lose.中文：我什么都要，。
2.跪求有趣的英文句子,如Canyoucanacanasacannercancanacan
1.Can you can a can as a canner can can a can？你能够像罐头工人一样装罐头吗？2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish,but if you wish the wish the witch wishes,I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.我希望梦想着你梦想中的梦想，但是如果你梦想着女巫的梦想，我就不想梦想着你梦想中的梦想.3.I scream,you scream,we all scream for ice-cream！我叫喊，你叫喊，我们都喊着要冰淇淋！4.How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.如果一个好的厨师能做小甜饼，那么他能做多少小甜饼呢？一个好的厨师能做出和其它好厨师一样多的小甜饼.5.The driver was drunk and drove the doctor's car directly into the deep ditch.这个司机喝醉了，他把医生的车开进了一个大深沟里.6.Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not.Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot.We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not.无论是晴天或是阴天.无论是冷或是暖，不管喜欢与否，我们都要经受风霜雨露.7.Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked？彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜.彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜.那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪儿？8.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,I wouldn't have thought so much.我有一种想法，但是我的这种想法不是我曾经想到的那种想法.如果这种想法是我曾经想到的想法，我就不会想那么多了.9.Amid the mists and coldest frosts,With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,He thrusts his fists against the posts,And still insists he sees the ghosts.雾蒙蒙，冰霜冻，手腕儿空空，话儿涌，只见他猛所拳头往柱子上砸，直说自己把鬼碰.10.Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards,but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton.巴德明在台球上能够打败比尔，但是打羽毛球比尔常常大败巴德明.11.Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better butter.贝蒂敲打一小块黄油要做一块更好的奶油面.12.Rita repeated what Reardon recited when Reardon read the remarks.当里尔登读评论时，丽塔重复里尔登背诵的东西.13.Few free fruit flies fly from flames.没有几只果蝇从火焰中飞过去.14.Fifty-five flags freely flutter from the floating frigate.五十五面旗子在轻轻漂浮的战舰上自由的飘扬.15.There is no need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.for a bright night light is just like a slight light.像今夜这样明亮的夜晚，就不需要点一盏夜灯，因为明亮的夜灯也会变得微弱.17.A pleasant peasant keeps a pleasant pheasant and both the peasant and the pheasant are having a pleasant time together.一位和气的农民养了一只伶俐的野鸡，而且这位和气的农民和这只伶俐的野鸡在一起度过了一段很美好的时光18.How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets？如果裁纸机能裁纸的话，一个裁纸机能裁多少张纸呢？19.Mr.See owned a saw and Mr.Soar owned a seesaw.Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See.西先生有一个锯，萨先生有一个秋千.现在在萨先生看见西先生之前，西先生的锯锯断了萨先生的秋千.20.If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.如果你非常相要好的风筝和精彩的表演，就去买一只漂亮的，灵巧的风筝吧.21.Ted sent Fred ten hens yesterday so Fred's fresh bread is ready already.特德昨天给弗莱德送去了十只母鸡，所以弗莱德的新鲜面包已经准备好了.22.A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing net.一个名叫费希尔的芬兰渔民在一个星期五的下午未能捕捉到任何鱼，结果他民现他的渔网上有一个大裂口.23.Franc's father is frying French fries for his five fire-fighter friends after they finished a fire-fighting in a factory.在结束对一家工厂的灭火战斗以后，弗兰克的父亲在为他的五个消防队员朋友炸制法式土豆（炸薯条）。
3.英语搞笑句子
Moneyisnoteverything.There'sMastercardVisa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
Oneshouldloveanimals.Theyaresotasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Savewater.Showerwithyourgirlfriend.
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
Lovetheneighbor.Butdon'tgetcaught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
Behindeverysuccessfulman,thereisawoman.Andbehindeveryunsuccessfulman,therearetwo.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
Everymanshouldmarry.Afterall,happinessisnottheonlythinginlife.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
Childreninbackseatscauseaccidents.Accidentsinbackseatscausechildren.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
"Yourfuturedependsonyourdreams."Sogotosleep.
“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。
Thereshouldbeabetterwaytostartadaythanwakingupeverymorning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
"Hardworkneverkilledanybody."Butwhytaketherisk?"
“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
"Workfascinatesme."Icanlookatitforhours!"
“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。
Whentwo'scompany,three'stheresult!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是
4.请告诉我一个英文幽默故事
ME TOO One day Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary went to an african country。
The president of this country don't speak English, so he learned a little greeting sentence from his translater。 His translater told him when first meet a person you can say:"How are you?" the probably answer maybe:"I am fine, and you?" then you should say:"Me too!" When he meet Bill Clinton at airport he was so excited that forgot the sentence he have learned before。
He want to say:"How are you" but he said:"Who are you?" Bill was puzzled but he want to show his humour and he said:"I am Hillary's husband, and you？…" The african president finally remembered what to say and said:"Me too!"。
5.英语幽默短句
1) I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
我爱你，不是因为你是一个怎样的人，而是因为我喜欢与你在一起时的感觉。
2) No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。
3) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
失去某人，最糟糕的莫过于，他近在身旁，却犹如远在天边。
4) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。
5) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
6) Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间。
7) Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你，那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。
8) Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
9) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
在遇到梦中人之前，上天也许会安排我们先遇到别的人；在我们终于遇见心仪的人时，便应当心存感激。
10) Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。
6.能给几个搞笑又经典的英文句子
The nice men are ugly.好男人不帅。
The handsome men are not nice.帅男人不好。The handsome and nice men are gay.又帅又好的男人是同性恋。
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.又帅又好又不是同性恋的男人都结婚了。Men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.不是很帅但是很好的男人却没有钱。
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.不是很帅但是又好又有钱的男人会认为我们看上的是他们的钱。The handsome men without money are after our money.而没有钱但是很帅的男人看上的是我们的钱。
The handsome men, who are not so nice and some what heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.不是很好但是很帅又是异性恋的男人却嫌我们不够漂亮。The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.又好又有钱又是异性恋又觉得我们漂亮的男人却又没胆量。
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE！又好又帅又有点钱而且是个异性恋的男人偏偏害羞而且从不采取行动。The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest on us when we take the initiative.那些从不主动的男人一旦我们采取主动就对我们失去兴趣。
NOW。WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTaNDS MEN？现在。
到底有谁了解男人这东西？。
7.英语经典笑话
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.""That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。
“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。
我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too。.."新老师9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6， 可后来又说2加4也得6。
"Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
Excuse for SpeedingExcuse for SpeedingHarry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃超速的理由哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”Send the Bill to My FatherDoctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father,please.〃把账单给我父亲医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。
那是遗传病。”病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.Girl: Father, I have sinned.Preacher: What did you do, little girl?Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?Girl: He touched my breast.Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.Girl: But he also took off my cloth.Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)Girl: Yes, that's what he did.Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what。Preacher: (evil laugh。
) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)Girl: (After a few minutes。) Ugh。
Yeah, that's what he did。Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a。
Girl: But he had AIDS!!Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH小建议：英语笑话通常都是很短的，要是长了就达不到效果了。越是经典的就越短。
老外的幽默和我们的不一样的。十句以上都可以算作阅读段了，怎么表演啊，听众本来听英语就费劲，句子又多又长，肯定没兴趣了，还是找些短的来表演吧，BODY LANGUAGE 到位，EXPRESSION 到位就OK了。
但是有关动物的确实找不到了，对不起。
8.英语幽默短句
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard and Visa.
钞票不是万能的，毕竟有时还需要信用卡。
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水，所以尽量和女友一起洗澡。
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个或更多。
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，毕竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
The wise never marry.
聪明人都是未婚的。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，它会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚。
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就像照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后座上的小孩会生出意外，后座上的意外会生出小孩。
"Your future depends on your dreams."So go to sleep.
现在的梦想决定着你的将来，所以，还是再睡一会吧。
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新的一天，而不是千篇一律地在每个上午都醒来。
"Hard work never killed any body."But why take the risk?
努力工作不会导致死亡。但为什么要冒险呢？
