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「小笑话英语」幽默英语小笑话...

发布时间:2020-10-15 07:00作者:笑话哦阅读()

幽默英语小笑话...

1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.Mum:There is no electricity tonight.Mike:Then lets watch TVwith a candie on.迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。妈妈:今晚停电了。迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。2.The Fish NetCan you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered.Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?She is the one who sells the candy.好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。”4. Ive Just Bitten My TongueAre we poisonous? the young snake asked his mother.Yes, dear, she replied - Why do you ask?Cause Ive just bitten my tongue! 我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”5. A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York Citys Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?摔倒的女人上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”6. He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?-- 墓地守墓人。7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America.它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”8.my little dog cant readMrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”9. Bring me the winner—- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.-- Im sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.-- Well, bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧-- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。10. Advice for KidA bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid.忠告“年轻者”这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语小笑话

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother. Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, theres only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese? In the rat-trap, sir, replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师:谁能回到我下一个问题,谁就可以回家了。One boy throws his bag out the window.一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。Teacher: who just threw that?!老师:谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?Boy: Me! I’m going home now.男孩:我!我现在要回家了。2、What dog can jump higher than a building?什么狗比大楼跳的还高?Anydog, buildings cant jump!任何一只狗,大楼又跳不起来。3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾,但是没有身体?A coin!硬币。4、What has one eye but cannot see?什么有一只眼睛,却看不见?A needle.针。5、Wife: How would you describe me?妻子:你会怎么形容我呢?Husband: ABCDEFGHIJK.丈夫:ABCDEFGHIJK.Wife: What does that mean?妻子:那是什么意思?Husband: Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.丈夫:迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。Wife: Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?妻子:哇,谢谢,但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?Husband: Im just kidding!丈夫:开个玩笑!6、Boy: Is this seat empty?男孩:这个座位是空的么?Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.女孩:是的,如果你坐下,我的座位也将是空的。7、My little dog cant read我的狗不识字Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”8、My Wife Will Exchange Them反正我太太明天会来换的A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.“您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问。″Makes no difference ″replied customer.“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.“那您要什么颜色的呢?”售货员又问。″Any″ he responded.“什么颜色都成。”他回答。″Size﹖″“号码呢?”″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″“您就随便给我拿一副吧,”这位顾客有点不耐烦了,“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

英语小笑话带翻译100个

Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea cant have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧? Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢? Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话(二) He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话(三) Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话(四)my little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人:哦, 亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了! 史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊! 布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- Im sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话(六)The mean mans party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot. Why use my elbow and foot? Well, gosh, was the reply, Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you? 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。 英语笑话(七)Advice for Kid A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid. 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话, 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。” 英语笑话(八)Which woman? One evening I drove my husbands car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield. My husband looked up and said, Moms here? 哪一位女人? 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?” 英语笑话(九)The doctor lives downstairs Doctor, she said loudly, bouncing into the room, I want you to say frankly whats wrong with me. He surveyed her from head to foot. Madam, he said at length, Ive just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, Im an artist---the doctor lives downstairs. 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变。第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 英语笑话(十)One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult. Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captains voice again, Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. At this point, one passenger became furious. For Petes sake, he shouted, If we lose another engine, well be up here all night! 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”回答者:lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08提问者对于答案的评价:嘻嘻评价已经被关闭 目前有 8 个人评价 好50% (4) 不好50% (4) 对最佳答案的评论GOOD!评论者: YABNV - 魔法学徒 一级 其他回答共 2 条Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. Here is the situation, she said. a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he cant swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank? A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings? 逻辑推理 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?” [注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思。 Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?你停止打你老婆了吗? This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses. One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations. “I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!” “But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness. “There are not!” snapped the lawyer. “Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?” 这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。 有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。 “我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道: “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。” “可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。 “不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他。 “噢,”证人说:“那么请你回答这个问题:“你停止打你老婆了吗?” Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗? 学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。 老师:请说说看。 学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl. 鱼网 你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。 把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。 昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打” Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys? 体育老师:孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗? Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night. 尼克:见过,老师,经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢! Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it. 老师:那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。 Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, Domestic shame should not be published.” 尼克:啊,对不起,老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(抄的..

小笑话,用英语怎么说

小笑话 a little joke 如:Today Ill tell a little joke to you.Today Ill tell you a little joke.今天我给大家讲一个小笑话。英语笑话故事 He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother. Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, theres only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese? In the rat-trap, sir, replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话,越短越好,带翻译

1、Goldfish金鱼Stan: I won 92 goldfish.Fred: Where are you going to keep them?Stan: In the bathroom 。Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛)them!斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?斯丹:浴室。弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: When Im dead I want you to marry farmerJones. Wife: No, I cant marry anyone after you. Johnson:But I want you to. Wife: But why? Johnson: Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说:“我死后,我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说:“不,在你死后,我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊:“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子:“为什么?” 约翰逊:“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”3、I think that Im a chicken 我想我是一只鸡Psychiatrist: Whats your problem? Patient: I think Im a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! 精神病医师:你哪里不舒服?病人:我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师:这种情况从什么时候开始的?病人:从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, Im meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears? 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候,她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后,一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前,说道:“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? Yes, the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, you are in your car, sir. 一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路,他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民:“劳驾,您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他,然后说道:“你现在在你的车子里,先生。”6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.But officer, the man said, I can explain. Just be quiet, snapped the officer.Im going to put you injail until the chief gets back. But ,officer, I …. I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughters wedding. Hell be in a goodmood when he gets back. Are you sure? answered the man in the cell. Im thegroom. 大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道,“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”,警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱,直到长官回来。“但是,警察,我,,,”。“我说过了保持安静,你要到监狱了。”几小时后,警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好,因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I dont know, father.Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father. 父亲:哎,汤姆,今天我跟你们老师谈过,现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?汤姆:我不知道,爸爸。父亲:啊,不对,你知道!想想看,当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时,谁在课堂上坐着,只是看人家做功课?汤姆:我们老师,爸爸。8、TwoBirds 两只鸟Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow. 老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。老师:请说说看。学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

关于英语的小笑话带翻译

1 那就更糟了 Much WorseMuch WorsePoliceman: Why didnt you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?Man: If I had opened my mouth, theyd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.中文:警察:有人抢你的手表时,你为什么不呼救呢?男子:要是我张口的话,他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。2林肯过生日 Great EventTeacher: What great event happened in 1809?Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件?小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。老师:正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢?小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。3 Talking clock会说话的钟While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. What is the big brass gong and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. Hows it work?Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! Its two oclock in the morning!一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问。“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋。突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”4The Mean Mans Party吝啬鬼的聚会The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.Why use my elbow and foot?Well, gosh, was the reply, Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后,再用你的脚把门推开。”“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答,“你总不会空着手来吧?”

简单的英语小笑话

我这有几个英语小笑话: 校园幽默四则 1.Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。老师:请说说看。学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。2.The Fish NetCan you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。3.The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September.George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she saidthat two and four were six too.....新老师9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。4.A physics ExaminationOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmateswere thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, thenhear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

要一个非常简单的英语小笑话

1A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents.What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered.Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?She is the one who sells the candy.好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”“她是个卖糖果的。”2EssayTeacher had set his class an essay in A Game of Cricket. After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: Rain stopped play.作文老师给学生出了个作文题:“一场板球赛”。两分钟后,西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文,老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道:“下雨,比赛终止。”3Who Discovered Australia?Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.Johnny: Its there, sir.Teacher: Thats right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?Sammy: Johnny, sir.谁发现了澳大利亚?老师:约翰尼,在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。约翰尼:先生,在这儿。老师:对了。萨默,你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚?萨默:先生,是约翰尼。4LightningTeacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice?Roy: Because after its struck once the same place isnt there any more!闪电老师:为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方?罗伊:因为它击中一个地方一次以后,那个地方就不存在了。5The Climate of New ZealandTeacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?Matthew: Very Cold, sir.Teacher: Wrong.Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!新西兰的气候老师:马修,新西兰的气候怎么样?马修:先生,那里的天气很冷。老师:错了。马修:可是,先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

跪求一些关于一个英语单词的小笑话。。。。

明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?小明说:你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感,于是对着男友说:“SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”男的答道:“IT!”--------------------------------------------------------------------------------一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转。他不放心的问道:turn left?监考官回答:right。于是他立刻向右转……--------------------------------------------------------------------------------某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙说:I am sorry。老外应道:I am sorry too。某人听后又道:I am sorry three。老外不解,问:What are you sorry for? 某人无奈,道:I am sorry five。X登录 · · · · · ·Email:密 码: 忘记密码了在这台电脑上记住我还没有注册...

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