笑话哦本文目录一览：
- 1、万圣节笑话 英语
- 2、万圣节的新娘经典语录
- 3、万圣节不给糖就捣乱的说说
- 4、治愈不开心的笑话
万圣节笑话 英语
All Saints Day: A Story
ANGELA PNEUMAN
Word was that the missionary kid had a demon, though no one was supposed to know. The Boyd family was visiting East Winder only for the weekend, and already eight-year-old Prudence had heard it from her younger sister, Grace, who heard it from her new friend, Anna, whose father was going to cast it out. Prudence figured that a cast-out demon would look like a puddle of split pea soup the size of a welcome mat, and that it would move around the room, blob-like, trying to absorb its way into people. Her own father, the Reverend Yancey Boyd, didn't believe in demons or in talking about demons except to say he didn't believe in them, end of discussion.
"The demon made Ryan Kitter paint himself purple all over," Grace said.
"All over?" Prudence asked, "even his privates?"
"That's how they found him," Grace said. She was six. "The paint dried up and he was crying because it hurt him to pee."
The girls stood in front of the mirror in the spare room at the Moberlys' house. It was the afternoon of November first, and that night there was an All Saints Day party for kids at the First United Methodist, where the Reverend Yancey Boyd might be the new minister. Prudence was busy cutting a slit for Grace's head in a piece of old brown sheet. Everyone had to go as someone from the Bible, so she was turning Grace into John the Baptist with his head on a platter.
"There's no such thing as demons," Prudence said, only because she hadn't been the one to hear the story first. She hacked at the sheet with scissors, the blades dull as butter knives. When she managed a hole, she threw the sheet over Grace's head.
Ryan Kitter's whole family were missionaries. They had returned from Africa ahead of schedule, due to the demon, and were camping in the church basement until they found a house. They got to cook on hot plates and take sponge baths. Prudence thought that if anyone deserved to camp in the church basement it was her own family, since her father was the one who might be the minister. He'd been ordained in three states. At the Moberlys' house, the girls were stuck in a dark, damp room that smelled like motor oil. Before the Moberlys had done it over for their daughter, who was grown, it had been a garage, and twice already Prudence had seen centipedes, one rippling into a crack between cement blocks, one behind the framed picture of Jesus over the bed.
"Ryan likes to be in a dark room," Grace said, pushing her head through the hole in the sheet. "And he doesn't talk to anyone except his mother."
"Well, maybe he doesn't have anything to say," said Prudence, regarding her with a frown. Grace still looked like herself, only in a brown sheet, now, blond hair coming out of her braid, and nothing like John the Baptist.
In the picture over the bed Jesus wore a robe with billowing sleeves and a rope belt, and Prudence needed something to tie around Grace's waist. She rummaged through the cardboard box of odds and ends that Mrs. Moberly had provided. At home in North Carolina, their mother kept old towels and drapes in a trunk, and a drapery cord would have done the trick. But at home they would not be dressing like Bible characters for a party; instead they would have already gone trick-or-treating the night before. They would have worn last year's outfits switched around—Prudence as a floor lamp, Grace as a blue crayon—since their mother wasn't in any kind of shape to make new ones. Here in East Winder, Kentucky, no one was of a mind to trick-or-treat, because Halloween was pagan.
"Ryan's father thinks he has a demon and his mother isn't sure," Grace said. "They took him to doctors, but a doctor can't do anything against a demon. Anna saw a man with a demon swallow a sword in Tennessee. She saw another demon bend a man in half when her dad tried to cast it out."
Prudence made it a point not to be interested. She said, "Really?" and "Hmmm," as she unearthed a scarf and tied it around Grace's waist, so that the ends hung down, then pulled and tucked at the sheet. She put her hands on her hips and stepped back to look. "Not bad," she said. "We'll draw you a beard with eye pencil, but you've got to have a knife or a hatchet or something to make it look real. And a platter."
Mrs. Moberly stood barefoot in front of the kitchen sink, peeling apples for a pie. Her feet were puffy, and they smooched against the linoleum. It looked like she'd picked her baby toenails clean away. Prudence's mother, who was still sleeping upstairs in the Moberlys' bedroom, had always told Prudence to keep her shoes on; if anyone wanted to see her bare feet, they would ask.
"How're the costumes coming?" asked Mrs. Moberly through a mouthful of apple peel. She wore a blue and white checked apron and had made covers of the same material for the toaster, coffee-maker and some other small appliance that Prudence couldn't make out by its shape.
"Fine," Prudence said. "Could we please borrow a meat cleaver?"
"A meat cleaver?" Mrs. Moberly's hands stopped, knife poised over a peeled, cored apple. It looked naked and cold. "What Biblical character used a meat cleaver?"
"It's a secret," Prudence said, before Grace could open her mouth.
"A meat cleaver in church? I don't think so," said Mrs. Moberly. "Someone could get hurt. How about another idea? How about you go as a shepherd? Mr. Moberly has an old cane somewhere. Or Mary? Mary never used a meat cleaver."
"No one's using it," Prudence said.
"Meat cleavers are sharp," said Mrs. Moberly. "Meat cleavers are not toys. I don't think your mother would be happy if I allowed you to go to church with a meat cleaver. She's not feeling very well as it is." Mrs. Moberly sliced the apple into eighths in four deft strokes. "Your father tells me she likes apple pie."
"She's feeling fine," Prudence said. "She's just tired."
Mrs. Moberly looked at Prudence and smiled in the way adults sometimes smiled at Prudence, lips peeling back from patiently clenched teeth. Then Mrs. Moberly smiled at Grace, who looked at her feet. "What's that you're wearing, Grace?" Mrs. Moberly said. "Let me guess. You're Mary Magdalene, or Ruth."
Grace shook her head.
"Esther?"
"A man," Grace said.
"Moses?"
"It's a surprise," Prudence said again. "How about some tin foil? We could save it and you could use it again to cover something."
"Tin foil I can do," said Mrs. Moberly, and handed her the box. "Listen, girls," she said, smiling again. "What do you think of your visit so far? Think you might like to live here?"
"We won't live here," Prudence said. "We'll have a parsonage like at home."
"Well, yes," said Mrs. Moberly. "That's what I meant. East Winder's quite a town. I think living here would do your mother a world of good."
Prudence stared at Mrs. Moberly and raised her left eyebrow, something she'd taught herself how to do. Mrs. Moberly's eyes did not seem to be any real color. Under one eye, Prudence could see a tiny length of blue vein beneath Mrs. Moberly's skin, like a fading pen mark.
Mrs. Moberly blinked at her once and turned to Grace. "How about you, dear? Wouldn't you like to live here?"
Prudence answered for Grace as she pulled her towards the kitchen door. "We don't care," she said in her boredest voice.
I don't care was what their mother had to say about moving. Her name was Joyce, and I don't care was what she said about many things, usually at the end of a long, tired sigh. Then she'd talk on the phone to her sister, Char—who wasn't saved—and go to bed in the middle of the day, sometimes for days in a row, and when Prudence went in to lass her goodnight she'd already be asleep and smelling like damp books. Yancey said it had to do with the baby who died before he was born in August, but when Aunt Char came to stay for a week she said no. She said this was Joyce in college all over again, or just Joyce waking up, finally, and coming apart, which he should have expected. Yancey said what's that supposed to mean, and Aunt Char said it means nothing, nothing at all, and that Joyce had made her bed. (Joyce used to testify, proudly, that her family in Greenville thought she was crazy for loving the Lord. She'd been raised a twice-a-year churchgoing Methodist, not evangelical. Yancey's preaching had been what saved her before they got married, and Prudence could tell that Aunt Char didn't like that fact one bit.)
Back in the spare room Prudence emptied out the cardboard box of odds and ends. She cut the box apart at the folds, traced the top of Grace's head in the center of one of the long sides, cut out the circle and finally taped on sheets of tin foil. Then she fitted the whole platter over Grace's head and bunched part of the sheet into the hole at her neck to hold it steady.
Grace squinted at herself in the mirror.
"Do your head this way," Prudence said, leaning her head to the side and fluttering her eyelids. "Try to look like you just got your head cut off."
Grace stuck out her tongue and said, "Blllhh." Her head lolled to the side. Then she shrugged her head out of the platter and began cutting out a long, curved knife shape Prudence had drawn on another piece of cardboard. "They tried sending Ryan Kitter to regular school last week," Grace said. "He went to first grade with Anna King."
"Hmmm," said Prudence. She peered into the Moberlys' closet where she'd already found her own costume. Behind the coats and jackets and Mr. Moberly's old suits hung several leotards clipped to hangers with clothespins, and one pink tutu, the tulle gone flat and limp as a newspaper, all from when their daughter had taken ballet. Inside a box underneath the pink tutu, Prudence had found a spangly halter top with matching tights and a long, gauzy skirt, store tags still attached.
Now Prudence took out the costume and laid it on the bed. The halter was red with long sleeves and tiny round mirrors sewn on and yellow embroidery everywhere. The neck and sleeves had silky yellow fringe, and at the bottom edge, just above where her belly button would show, the fringe ended in tiny wooden beads that clacked softly against each other.
"In the lunchroom he stood at the trash can and ate all the bread pudding and creamed spinach that nobody wanted, and when the teacher caught him and made him stop, he cried. Then he threw up, then he threw a fit and they took him right out of school." Grace stopped cutting, her scissors wedged deep in the cardboard, and eyed the costume. "Ooooh. Who are you again?"
"Salome," Prudence said. "The one who asked for your head on a platter."
Prudence slipped off her pants and pulled on the tights and skirt. She did a practice kick out to the side, and the gauzy material traveled up into the air with her leg then floated down. It was see-through. In the picture Prudence had seen in a book in her father's study, Salome was a dark-skinned, smiling, barefoot girl with her hair pulled back, wearing an outfit a lot like this one. Her arms had been raised high above her head, her body in mid-sway, a gentle version of the bump-and-grind Prudence had perfected from a dance show on television, before her father found out she was watching.
No wonder the king had wanted to give Salome anything she wanted. Prudence had curly dark hair, too—almost black—and now she pulled it into a ponytail so tight it made her eyes slanty. She moved her hips in a little circle and waved her arms, first out in front of her, then to her sides, then over her head.
"Does Mrs. Moberly know you're wearing that?" Grace said.
"Mrs. Moberly is a pain."
"I want to be someone who dances."
"You can't dance if your head's cut off."
"You're not even supposed to dance," said Grace, and it was true, though the Reverend Yancey Boyd said it wasn't because of dancing itself, but what dancing led to.
"This is different," said Prudence. "It's pretend."
Grace crimped tin foil onto the blade of the cardboard knife and began coloring the handle black with a magic marker. "Once a demon gets in, you act different," she said. "They get in when you get cut open and bleed. Anna's not allowed to have her ears pierced. In Africa, Ryan was crossing the street with their house woman and they got hit by heathens in a truck. They were holding hands and she died and he broke his arm. The bone was sticking out through his skin, and that's when it happened. Demons sneak in wherever they can, and someone has to get them out so you can go back to the way you were. Tonight Anna's dad is going to get the demon out of Ryan. It's a secret, because it's not that kind of church, but Anna's dad says it should be."
Prudence had the halter on over her shirt, and she was stuffing the bosom with Grace's dirty undershirt from the day before. "Stop talking about that," she said. "At the party they'll have to guess who we are, so I'll go first and do my dance, then I'll stop and say, "Cut off the head of John the Baptist, voice crying in the wilderness, who eats locusts and honey, and give it to me on a silver platter." Then you come on up and stand beside me."
"What do I say?"
"You don't say anything. We'll have the knife on the platter and ketchup for blood and you just walk like this," Prudence staggered around the bed. "You could collapse, maybe, or just follow me away. Wait and see. Everyone else will be Mary and Joseph and Noah or some other dumb thing."
"A demon could have gotten into Mom when the baby came out," Grace said.
Prudence stopped staggering. "No," she said. "She is just very tired. She just needs her rest." Prudence kept looking at Grace until Grace nodded. Then Prudence pulled up her shirt to see what the halter would look like against her stomach.
"Ryan has a demon of shock," Grace said.
Prudence sucked in her stomach until it looked hollow. Sexy. She turned her back to the mirror and looked over her shoulder for the rear view.
"Mom could have a demon of tiredness," Grace said.
Prudence kept sucking in her stomach until it hurt. "Don't say that anymore," she said, gritting her teeth. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
The Reverend Yancey Boyd had eyes so light they almost weren't blue at all, and wavy hair close to his head, and when he talked he sounded wise. Aunt Char said that Joyce married him because he looked like Paul Newman, and because he was sincere, though she said it was no excuse. Prudence was used to women going weepy around him, so it was no surprise when at dinner Mrs. Moberly started sharing the heartache of their daughter.
Belinda Moberly had grown up and gone to college, began Mr. Moberly (a good, evangelical college, put in Mrs. Moberly), and under the influence of a philosophy professor, said Mr. Moberly (who was later fired, said Mrs. Moberly), she'd first become a Unitarian, and then an atheist. And she was living in sin, out of wedlock, with a firelighter.
"We did our best," said Mrs. Moberly. "I don't know what else we could have done."
Over the table hung a low, stained-glass chandelier that Mrs. Moberly had made in a class, which cast a ring of tiny yellow crosses around the walls of the wood-paneled dining room.
"She has a good foundation," the Reverend Yancey Boyd said to Mrs. Moberly, and he patted her hand. The patting of hands was usually Joyce's department. She took care of the comforting while Yancey did the talking. It wasn't a good idea for him to touch too many women. He was that handsome. "When children have been brought up in the Lord, He marks them for life. Children—" Yancey passed a hand over Grace's blond head—"have their own kind of openness to the Lord. They may grow up and try other roads, but something inside them always knows better. I believe your daughter has a great advantage."
The Reverend Yancey Boyd sounded encouraging, but he looked sad. Before supper Prudence had found him sitting on the bed beside Joyce, trying to make her eat some crackers from the tray Mrs. Moberly had fixed. Prudence couldn't see her mother's face, but she could hear her whispering how she shouldn't have tried to come, and Prudence had seen how the curl she'd put in her hair the day before, for the trip, had flattened out against her head.
"I don't understand it," Mr. Moberly was saying about his daughter. He was a plumber with shoulders so wide that Prudence didn't see how he could crawl under any sink. He split a biscuit in half and buttered it, and when he finished he put the whole bottom of the biscuit into his mouth.
"I tell her we want her to be happy," Mrs. Moberly said, "and she tells me happiness is overrated. She says she's as happy as she can be and live with herself. I ask her, but do you know Jesus as a personal savior, Belinda, that's real happiness—you know, Reverend—and she tells me she would believe if she could, but she can't. I don't know what to do with her." When Mrs. Moberly paused to drink her water, her hand shook a little. "I guess we're not promised we'll always understand, are we, Reverend?"
The Reverend Yancey Boyd smiled in a way that made him look even sadder. "No," he said, "we are not."
Grace picked at her food. She had the nervous hiccups, which didn't sound like regular hiccups at all, but like breathing with little coughs. And she was chewing at the inside of her mouth, which she wasn't supposed to do. Once she'd made herself bleed. Prudence nudged Grace with her elbow, and Grace stopped.
By the time they reached the church parking lot that evening, it was dark and cold. The leaves smelled like fall turning into winter. Prudence had stuffed the platter down the front of Grace's long pink parka like a shield, to hide it, and she'd hidden eye pencil and lipstick and ketchup packets from Burger King in the pockets of her own coat. She'd put pants on over her tights and rolled up the gauzy skirt, too, because she thought Mrs. Moberly might recognize it before their turn.
"Where are the Kitters staying?" Prudence asked, as they walked through the parking lot towards the back entrance.
"Who?" asked Mrs. Moberly.
"The boy with the demon," said Grace, stomping up the cement steps to the door.
"What?" Mrs. Moberly said. She shifted a Tupperware container of cookies to her other hand and held open the church door. Inside she squatted down beside Grace and peered into her face. "What demon?"
"Never mind," Prudence said. "What do the Kitters sleep on? Do they have a bed or just nap mats? Do they have a sofa and chair and television or just Sunday school furniture?"
"I wouldn't know," Mrs. Moberly said. "I haven't seen it. It's their home, you know, for now, until they find a house. You can't just go charging into people's homes unannounced, even if they do live in the church."
"I wouldn't go charging in," Prudence said.
"You're going to have a great time at the party," said Mrs. Moberly, steering them down the basement steps. "Just think of all the new friends you'll make here." Mrs. Moberly spoke in a bright voice and smiled so forcefully her jaw muscles bulged.
They moved down a wide, dim hall towards the fellowship room at the far end, an open door full of light and spilling out muted voices. Three narrow halls branched off on either side of this wide hall, and at these dark openings the air came cool and quiet. Prudence lagged behind and slipped down the last hall before the fellowship room. She tried two doors, but they were locked. She peered through the long narrow windows over the doorknobs, but it was too dark to see anything.
Mrs. Moberly appeared silhouetted at the mouth of the hall. "Did we lose you?"
"No," said Prudence.
The fellowship room was full of lads and parents. A girl wearing a dingy white sheep hood with ears, her straight hair sticking stiffly out around her face, came right up to Grace and hugged her.
"Hi, Anna," Grace said.
万圣节的新娘经典语录
1、潇洒迎万圣，装鬼也疯狂，南瓜祝福灯，满街送吉祥。
2、今天万圣节，你认命吧，把烦恼交出来，跟快乐幸福向前。
3、今天小鬼会偷偷跑出来，快来我怀里，我保护你。
4、万圣节将来到，大鬼小鬼一起来报道。
5、别再难过了，你看有人在笑话你呢，他就站在窗户外面。
6、别忘了，你曾经也被人叫做“小鬼”。
7、万圣节别随便乱出门了，你万一把鬼吓死了怎么办？
8、节没有国界，但过节的人有；鬼没有国界，但装鬼的人有。
9、万圣节快到了，送你个开心鬼，愿你开心每一天。
10、只要心里有鬼，每天都是万圣节。
万圣节不给糖就捣乱的说说
万圣趴，不给糖就捣乱！信一班委们在万圣节给大家准备的装满魔鬼糖的小南瓜，你们还喜欢吗？
万圣节不给糖就捣乱的说说
一、不给糖就捣乱妖魔鬼怪全出动。
二、给糖么~不给糖就捣乱~篮球场的奇妙夜~你来了么~
三、万圣节快乐＾0＾~可是，我好像已经过了不给糖就捣乱的年纪了啊。
四、昨天是不给糖就捣乱的暴走萝莉。
五、万圣节我都说了好几次不给糖就捣乱了，快给我次核桃啦。
六、万圣节孩们给的糖果我可能是个不给糖就捣乱的老师吧。
七、不给糖就捣乱，好了，好了给你一大包糖，晚安！
八、不给糖就捣乱！哈哈哈哈哈哈画完了！
九、这个小鬼头说：爸爸！爸爸！看出来我在cos谁了么？我是你的小天使，也是你的小恶魔哟！不给糖就捣乱了哦！
十、陈佳人阿姨，给糖给糖，不给糖就捣乱哈。
十一、不给糖就捣乱的一群小恐龙被抓了个正着。
十二、不给糖就捣乱早知道就给你了。
十三、重阳节与万圣节临近，朋友圈里发很多学校组织关于节日的活动，有的是重阳节组织孩子给爷爷奶奶洗脚聊表孝心，有的是装扮得千奇百怪不给糖就捣乱的自我放飞，中西方文化的碰撞，人性的压抑与释放，挺热闹的。然后想想他们班什么活动都没有组织，没给我增添任何麻烦，特别棒，我心甚至欢喜，俏皮。
十四、不给糖就捣乱，我们就去巡逻到你家。
十五、不给糖就捣乱想和你一起去第一个游乐场。
十六、不给糖就捣乱,小主们的糖糖呢~!嘤嘤嘤。
十七、原来是万圣节，我也想过节呀，不给糖就捣乱。
十八、在外吃饭，有个戴魔鬼角的萝莉兴奋地跑来桌前说：不给糖就捣乱。我说：我没有糖，只有大鸡腿。萝莉一呆，然后她妈妈过来向我们点头致意，对萝莉说：不是糖我们不能要喔。就把她牵走了。萝莉边走边说：妈妈，鸡腿更好吃呀
十九、不给糖就捣乱，嘿嘿哈哈，红红火火恍恍惚惚。
二十、万圣节！？不给糖就捣乱！？算了不如跳舞晚安。
二十一、不给糖就捣乱今天还吃了嘉兴第一家全家晚安各位。
万圣节的说说 关于万圣节的空间说说
1、万圣节你准备好了吗?是不是有点忧郁呢?没关系的，相信雨天过后会有彩虹!一起过个快乐的万圣节一起狂欢吧!把一切不顺利都收起来。祝万圣节快乐!
2、工资是吝啬鬼，物价是大头鬼，房价是吸血鬼，银行是讨债鬼，心情是讨厌鬼，命运是捣蛋鬼，万圣节到了，快扔出你的烦恼，让他们统统去见鬼！
3、睡了吗？都这点了还是早点上床睡觉去吧，今天可是万圣节喔，小心遇到不可思议的事，嘿嘿……万圣节快乐！！
4、等待你的是我无奈的眼神，呼唤你的是我冰冷的气息，没有你我的世界苍白不堪，没有你我的笑容都带阴影，你就是我这个孤魂要附体的不二人选。
5、为了迎接万圣节的到来，我给你准备了一个大惊喜，我请来了孙悟空，为你表演72变，他可是个捣蛋鬼，这下，你不开心都不行了。嘿嘿，玩得愉快！
6、昨夜满天星光灿烂，你在哪里浪漫？万圣之夜鬼火点点，你在哪里丢人现眼？大鬼小鬼通通听我召唤，收到短信快快回电！万圣节快乐！
7、谢谢你给我的关怀，把我宠坏，宠得我不知不觉飞起来，才知道冥冥之中有安排。这个万圣节，让我带你一起飞上天好吗？别怕，有我在你不会掉下来的!
8、感激感谢你给我的关怀，把我宠坏，宠得我不知不觉飞起来，才知道冥冥之中有安排。这个万圣节，让我带你一起飞上天好吗？别怕，有我在你不会掉下来的！
9、万圣节忠督，远离撒旦的方法：只要你心存正念，就算撒旦在你身边，他也不能拿你怎样的……万圣节快乐！
10、阿弥陀佛，万圣节你要这样度过：手机屏幕提醒语：“阿弥陀佛”，短信互传递，开头结尾都要：“阿弥陀佛”，念佛能抵不净物，无论是否是临时，万圣节快乐，阿弥陀佛!
11、万圣节到了，要强调的一点是你们可以去装鬼吓人，但是装鬼也要讲品味，我们的原则是让所有的鬼在见到你都开心，包括正在看短信的那个人。
12、三个金叫“鑫”，三个木叫“森”，三个口叫“品”，三个人叫“众”，那么，三个鬼叫什么？……叫“救命”啊。万圣节快乐!
13、风在吼，鬼在叫，南瓜不停在闪耀；灯伴奏，人狂跳，万圣节里好热闹；穿鬼衣，戴鬼帽，誓把今天搞乱套。呵呵，万圣节愉快！
14、万圣节：我把南瓜做成灯，驱走你心里的‘鬼’;我把南瓜做成汤，灭掉你心里的‘魔’;我把好运的咒语，放在祝福的短信里;愿收到的你万圣节快乐如意!
15、万圣节到了，留神敲门人，不确定对象请不要开门，历年万圣节入室抢劫案频发，留神短信息，不明借款一定要警惕，被骗钱财被骗美色大有人在!
16、万圣节到了，会有人穿上鬼怪服，戴上骷髅面具，拿着南瓜灯，坐上幽灵马车，来到你家吓唬你。别怕，只要你拿出我给你发的祝福短信，你将免受被吓之灾。我祝你在万圣节开开心心，快快乐乐，不被鬼吓!
17、你准备好欢快的心情了么，在万圣节的夜晚，我们一起去狂欢，忘记心中的烦恼，让真心在交流中释放。
18、风吹过街上的落叶，迎来一群步伐轻盈的小鬼，让我们在今夜群魔乱舞、鬼话连篇吧！万圣节快乐！
19、冬瓜皮西瓜皮，万圣节里要换皮。你的头我的头，万圣节里换个头。恐吓你吓吓你，万圣节里逗逗你。呵呵，不要怕，万圣节到了，祝你万圣节里hold住！
20、为了你的人身安全，请先确定您已成年，胆子够大，没有心脏病，血压正常，……慎重……慎重……慎重……别翻了，万圣节快乐!
21、当你看到这条信息时你必须按照下面的要求去做一件事，在手机里输入万圣节快乐四个字发送给你喜欢的人，因为今天是鬼的节日他们需要祝福。
22、疯狂是今天的主调，吓人是为了热闹，尖叫是你的声调，不变是你我的欢笑，装鬼要装到高潮，万圣节来到，穿出不一样的样貌，玩到鬼哭狼嚎，活出快乐的味道！
23、别再难过了，你看有人在笑话你呢，他就站在窗户外面，出门让他进来吧，他会哄你开心的。要问我他是谁？鬼才会告诉你。万圣节快乐。
24、情意深，短信祝福表关怀：莫贪莫恋酒和烟，烟鬼酒鬼皆无缘，见到美女莫发直，做人别学好色鬼，生活多彩莫吝啬，千万莫做小气鬼，祝万圣节愉快！
25、还记得去年的今天吗?我不是成心吓你的!但那一次是我第一次拥你在怀中!
26、白天活见鬼，晚上到处都是鬼，怎么会有这么多的鬼呢，因为今天是万圣节嘛，让我们一起装鬼吧，开心的狂欢一夜
27、万圣节，短信奉上。回信息的是好鬼，不回的是坏鬼；保存的是帅鬼，删除的是坏鬼；独自偷乐是自私鬼，和大家分享的是开心鬼。
28、为了表示我对你真诚的祝福，三十六路妖魔，七十二路鬼怪，听我号令，立刻给正在看短信的好朋友送一个巧克力蛋糕，送去我的祝福，万圣节快乐！
29、你的一笑，狼都上吊，你的一叫，鸡飞狗跳，你的一站，臭味弥漫，你一出汗，虱子灾难，你不打扮，比鬼难看，你一打扮，鬼吓瘫痪！献给万圣节的你！
30、点亮南瓜灯，照你美梦到清晨；启动魔力帚，载你敲开幸福门；关心无时无刻，呵护每分每秒，亲爱的朋友：真心祝愿你：万圣节愉快，知足常乐！ 万圣节的祝福短信
31、西方有耶稣，东方有如来，学唐僧降服悟空，学悟空斩妖除魔，学魔鬼惊动天地，万圣节，万圣夜，祝你有圣经的祈祷，有佛经的保佑，西方的节日东方过，万圣快乐!
32、八戒喜欢万圣节，可扮成唐僧得到爱慕;唐僧喜欢万圣节，可扮成八戒躲开纷扰;悟空喜欢万圣节，可扮成如来五指掌权，如来喜欢万圣节，可扮成悟空想闹就闹。祝万圣节快乐!
33、万圣节，为迎接鬼宾光临，欢迎观赏我自编自导的一个节目，名字叫一个小鬼为你表演用手机看短信，表演者：正在看短信的小鬼!呵呵，万圣节快乐!
34、万圣节一日游：过奈何桥，喝孟婆汤，参观阎王殿，畅游十八层地狱。含免费娱乐节目：上刀山下油锅。资深导游：牛头马面、黑白无常。欢迎踊跃报名。
35、送你一份礼物：第一件：吉祥护身符！第二件：照妖降魔镜！第三件：除鬼斩怪剑！祝你万圣节平安又快乐！
36、送你三件吉祥物，第一件：吉祥护身符;第二件：降妖伏魔剑;第三件：无敌照妖镜。有了这三样宝物什么妖魔鬼怪都拿你没辙了，万圣节可以平安度过了，祝：万圣节快乐!
37、外面的夜好黑，我一个人好害怕，他们说今天是万圣节，所有孤单的鬼都会出来寻找自己的另一半……你想让我也变成鬼么？来陪我吧。
38、万圣节日已来到，牛头马面靠边站，僵尸巫婆齐上阵，带上假面尽欢畅，释放快乐无级限，短信幽幽送祝福，幸福无边把你绕，如意紧紧把你抱。
39、万圣节礼物来咯!吉祥护身符、照妖降魔镜、除鬼斩怪剑，它们会让你身边没有饿鬼、醉鬼、死鬼、色鬼、讨厌鬼、开心鬼。呃，开心鬼可以除外，嘿嘿!
40、我跟你讲你不要跟他讲，因为他叫我不要跟你讲，现在我跟你讲你不要跟他讲，我有讲如果他问你我有没讲，你跟他讲我没讲，只对你说了万圣节快乐！
41、小鬼，快过节了，由于平时你工作表现突出，本鬼王现将健康、好运、快乐、幸福四大美女赏赐给你，与你终身相伴，注意查收！预祝万圣节快乐！
42、万圣节，南瓜为你把面发，苹果为你把糖挂，南瓜派，苹果饼，小鬼一来，全扫光，小气抠门可不行，不给糖果，捣蛋来，万圣节，玩的开心，笑的愉快！
43、发个短信是想告诉你，你背后有人。不信你回头看看。没有？你再回头看看。没有？你再回头看看。真的没有？活见鬼了，祝你万圣节快乐！
44、万圣节了，要强调的一点是你们可以去装鬼吓人，但是装鬼也要讲品味，我们的原则是让所有的鬼在见到你都开心，包括正在看短信的那个人。
45、万圣佳节，风吹叶落，小鬼出没，今日记得，发发信息，表表祝愿，记得要转，不然难堪，神马过客，均是夜神，心别寒胆莫颤，有我短信保你平安!
46、其实我有句话藏在心中很久了，想对你说，但说出来怕把你吓到，所以在万圣节前夜，我把它编成短信告知你：今晚欢迎鬼敲门，因为你是我的“开心鬼”！
47、万圣节，相传在这一天大家欢庆能赶走鬼魂，把他们唤回正确的轨道，而且在以后的生活中一帆风顺，平安幸福。朋友们，还不赶紧欢庆祝福!
48、黑漆漆的眼睛，黑漆漆的夜，黑漆漆的我们过着万圣夜，黑漆漆的风衣，黑漆漆的袍，提着南瓜灯照着道!万圣夜，一切的黑漆漆可要用你的万圣灯照亮哦!
49、发这条短信的动机是“问候”；主观表现是“故意”；客观表现是“移动通信技术实现信息传递”；传递者：我；目的：愿收到短信的你和我一样欢度万圣节。
50、今天是个特殊的日子，万圣节。我是跟你同年同月同日生的，我死的时候跟你现在一样大，我只要找到你就可以复活了，你就会变成鬼，害怕了吧!
51、不给糖就捣乱！不给糖就捣乱！不给就是小气鬼，不给就是小气鬼！明天就是万圣节，你要么交糖，要么交钱。不给就捣乱，不给就派钟馗来抓你！。
52、发这条短信的动机是“问候”;主观表现是“故意”;客观表现是“移动通信技术实现信息传递”;传递者、我;目的、愿收到短信的你和我一样欢度万圣节。
53、南瓜灯亮起来，大鬼小鬼都出来，万圣节多愉快，约你出来你不来。来了保你乐开怀，不来就把你吓呆。万圣节祝您愉快!
54、小鬼对大鬼说他寂寞难耐，男鬼对女鬼说他很孤独无聊，万圣节的夜晚让我们尽情狂欢，过一个欢乐的万圣节。祝万圣节快乐！
55、万圣节即将来到，我送你一座后花园，园子里栽的是智慧树，流的是忘忧泉，开的是自在花，搭的是幸运桥，祝愿好运好心情，万圣节快乐!
56、万圣节到了，大鬼小鬼齐欢唱，开心鬼一到，快乐瞬间到；机灵鬼出现，头脑变聪慧；吝啬鬼遇到，钱财数不清；调皮鬼一闹，活力更充沛。
57、万圣节之夜，我会去找你的……呵呵……吓着你了吗？其实只想对你说——万圣节快乐！
58、给心情一座高桥，迎来万圣，给衣服一份心情，乔装出行，给生活一点爆料，装鬼来迎，给节日一份别致，狂舞放松，万圣佳节不一般，欢笑快乐要非凡，祝你万圣节快乐。
59、万圣节，向你推荐一部猛鬼大片，故事情节鬼使神差，经典台词鬼话连篇，机灵鬼、开心鬼联合出演，讨厌鬼、捣蛋鬼友情客串，你这个小气鬼领衔主演!
60、疯狂当主调，嚣张当格调，吓人当情调，尖叫当声调，欢笑当音调，装鬼到高调，万圣节到来，穿上不一般的色调，玩出不一样的高调，活出放纵无极的味道。
61、万圣节的夜晚，即使你孤单一人也不必怕鬼。我不想说，我很孤独，我不想说，我很寂寞，因为今天是万圣节，你我都应该拿出一份狂欢的心情来面对生活。 万圣节驱鬼招数：佩玉、倒放扫帚、破中指、挂钟馗像、挂八卦、斩鸡头、在手心用毛笔写上“我是鬼”、 大喊救命
62、南瓜灯，鬼面具，不请吃我就捣蛋，叫来大鬼小鬼恶鬼，夜夜缠你，围绕着你，你怕不怕?哈哈!祝万圣节快乐!
63、很想你，可是又害怕见到你，也许你正在世界的哪个角落默默地注视着我，我想抚摸你那没有下巴的脸蛋，啊，鬼啊!万圣节快乐!
64、天苍苍，地茫茫，大鬼小鬼捉迷藏，叮叮当，叮叮当，手机短信让人慌，三个五个结成帮，酒吧饭馆晃一晃。万圣节快乐。
65、你的一笑，狼都上吊，你的一叫，鸡飞狗跳，你的一站，臭味弥漫，你一出汗，虱子灾难，你不打扮，比鬼难看，你一打扮，鬼吓瘫痪!献给万圣节的主角!
66、忙忙碌碌的日子里，或许忘记了联系，身心疲惫的日子里，或许忘记了送祝福，但是今天是你的节日，我绝不会忘记，送上最真挚的问候，万圣节快乐！
67、条条祝福表心意，万圣节祝福送给你：烟鬼没烟不自在，酒鬼没酒不舒坦，色鬼没色心儿闹，长舌鬼没舌憋得慌，短信提醒早来到，小气鬼收到来报到!
68、万圣节前夜就要到了，虽说是鬼节，但鬼也要分可做和不可做，吝啬鬼做不得，大餐一定要请我，礼物一定要送我，穷鬼做得，把所有的家底都花给我！
69、绞尽脑汁思来想去，千方百计寻找节日，为了送你开心祝福，万圣节被我从日历上找出。西方的节日也很有趣，提前祝你：万圣节开心!
70、昨天一个叫钟馗的哥们让我给你捎个信儿，说今天是万圣节，他的鬼小弟会来给你送礼的，有空还要请你喝两杯。万圣节快乐！
71、天命已定，你的身躯将支离破碎；运数已逝，你的灵魂将得到诅咒，无头骑士之剑已经指向罪恶的天平，迅速在万圣节里请我吃饭来洗脱罪孽！
72、这不是一条普通的短信，这真的不是一条普通的短信，这确实不是一条普通的短信，因为我要祝你万圣节快乐！
73、我绝望了，这个快乐的万圣节，师傅不知道去哪里了，大师兄回花果山了，天庭回不去，俺的根据地流沙河也快要干了，只剩下一毛钱发信息，二师兄节日开心哦!
74、万圣节到了，我要化成死神将你的烦恼勾走，我要化成精灵赋予你无尽的快乐，我要化成巫婆给你降下幸福的咒语，我要化成南瓜灯照亮你的好运气。接受我的祝福，然后给我糖果，Trickortreat哦!
75、万圣节到了，送你三件礼物、第一件、吉祥护身符!第二件、照妖降魔镜!第三件、除鬼斩怪剑!祝你万圣节平安!大鬼小鬼都离你远远的，开心鬼除外哦!
76、电视购物版万圣节经典短信：万圣节期间我公司正式推出，我捉鬼我自豪，我狂欢我骄傲活动，活动内容是将万圣节快乐这句话对你的好朋友大声喊三百遍。
77、树上的叶子落了，街上的人群少了，我对你的祝福准备好了，大鬼小鬼都受不了了，你怎么还一个人呆着，万圣节出来一起狂欢吧。
78、南瓜每次走路都仰着头，有一次路上有一个石头，南瓜不小心被绊倒，脑袋被摔坏了，摔出了脑浆，你今晚是不是提着南瓜摔出脑浆的南瓜灯啊!朋友，万圣节快乐~
79、万圣节安全委公告：小孩注意馋鬼，男人注意酒鬼，女人注意色鬼，领导注意内鬼，至于你嘛…注意我这个开心鬼给你发骚扰短信，哈哈，万圣节快乐!
80、万圣节到了，各位注意、为防止白日见鬼，出门要神出鬼没，穿得像人模鬼样，工作中鬼使神差，交谈时鬼话连篇，收到短信要神不知，鬼不觉!请相互转告!
81、亲爱的，万圣节快乐!啥?说宁可见鬼也不想见到我?那好吧，我就不亲自去见你了，只给你发条短信，就当阎王发的催魂令了。
82、多谢你给我的关怀，把我宠坏，宠得我不知不觉飞起来，才知道冥冥之中有安排。这个万圣节，让我带你一起飞上天好吗？别怕，有我在你不会掉下来的！
83、不管你是白嫩美还是高酷帅，不管你是胖丑怪还是黑小矮，只要化装成鬼怪，都能获得大愉快。万圣节到了，扮妖扮魔，把表象抛弃；装鬼装怪，向快乐进发！
84、最近流行一种代号为“万圣节快乐”的手机病毒，如果您不幸收到含有此类字符的短信，请马上扔掉手机，以免感染。万圣节快乐！
85、昨夜满天星光灿烂，你在哪里浪漫？今天万圣之夜鬼火点点，你在哪里丢人现眼？
86、万圣节到了，祝你上班遇到饿鬼，下班撞上醉鬼，睡觉遇上捣蛋鬼，身边全是色鬼，反正都是死鬼；小鬼，万圣节快乐！还祝你长得越来越像大魔鬼！
87、传说今晚，阴魂不散，死光又现，鬼魂四处转！愿鬼听到我的呼唤，半夜来到你床头，苍白的脸，幽绿的眼，干枯的手抚摸你的脸，代我向你说一句：晚安
88、万圣节一到，好鬼自然来。变个开心鬼，天天好心情。变个幸运鬼，连连好运到。变个机灵鬼，步步登青云。变个幸福鬼，事事都如意。
89、睡了吗？都这点了还是早点上床睡觉去吧，今天可是万圣节喔，小心遇到不可思议的事，嘿嘿……万圣节快乐！！！
90、不论你今天晚上会看到什么东度免费资源网…记住千万不要大叫，因为他会一直在你身边陪着你。哈哈！万圣快乐！
91、信息给你：给你狼人的大块肌肉强健，给你吸血天使的永葆青春容颜，给你堕落天使的随遇而安，万圣节快乐!
92、小骷髅玲珑可爱，南瓜灯扮起鬼脸。不必在意曾经的容颜，化好妆一起去尽情狂欢，做个快乐的开心鬼、仙。祝万圣节快乐一整天！
93、喂！你身后站着的那人，他是谁？！为什么一直跟着你走？天哪，他还会跟着你转身呢！万圣节快乐！
94、听说今天会有很多吓人的恶作剧，所以今晚除了我，任何人叫门都不要开啊，我会于晚上点过去陪你，亲口祝你万圣节快乐!一定要等我喔!
95、一丝冷风轻轻吹过，树上的叶子落了，街上的人群稀少了，你在干嘛呢?是不是也正准备发个祝福短信给我呢?我祝亲爱的你万圣节快乐。
96、亲爱的，11月1日，我要骑上巫婆扫帚，带着黑猫，念着咒语，与你一起参加万圣节舞会。你是我的皇后，我是你的撒旦。
97、日日笙歌，那是君主国王，天天玩乐，那是地痞流氓，整日辛苦奔忙，也该享受天堂，虽然不是鬼王，万圣节也要出来疯狂。
98、万圣节，南瓜灯，苹果派，火鸡腿，大家都来共参与。圣灵你我心头在，多做善事积恩德，天堂你我留门在，万圣节，体会东西方不同的文化氛围！
99、听说今天有很多吓人的恶作剧，所以今天除了我，任何人叫门都不要开啊，我会于晚上12点过去陪你，亲口祝你万圣节快乐！一定要等我喔！
100、万圣节：我把快乐，欢笑，喜庆，顺意，美好，吉祥，安康，无忧，无愁化成梦想成真的咒语，驱除你所有的心魔和失意;愿你万圣节美好如意!
2021万圣节说说 有关万圣节的
1.奉天承运，玉皇大帝诏曰：为加强东西鬼界友好交流，万圣节之日，西方诸鬼受邀到东土度假，东西鬼族大联欢，天师钟馗放假一天，不得捉鬼，钦此!
2. 万圣节的夜晚，点起你手中的南瓜灯，照亮那黑色的忧郁，戴上你开心的面具，迎来本应属于你的喜气。
3. 白天活见鬼，晚上到处都是鬼，怎么会有这么多的鬼呢，因为今天是万圣节嘛，让我们一起装鬼吧，开心的狂欢一夜
4. 冬瓜皮西瓜皮，万圣节里要换皮。你的头我的头，万圣节里换个头。恐吓你吓吓你，万圣节里逗逗你。呵呵，不要怕，万圣节到了，祝你万圣节里hold住!
5. 不论你今天晚上会看到什么记住千万不要大叫，因为他会一直在你身边陪着你。哈哈!万圣快乐!
6. 点亮南瓜灯，照你美梦到清晨;启动魔力帚，载你敲开幸福门;关心无时无刻，呵护每分每秒，亲爱的朋友：真心祝愿你：万圣节愉快，知足常乐! 万圣节的祝福短信！
7. 等待你的是我无奈的眼神，呼唤你的是我冰冷的气息，没有你我的世界苍白不堪，没有你我的笑容都带阴影，你就是我这个孤魂要附体的不二人选。
8. 多谢你给我的关怀，把我宠坏，宠得我不知不觉飞起来，才知道冥冥之中有安排。这个万圣节，让我带你一起飞上天好吗?别怕，有我在你不会掉下来的!
9. 风吹起落叶，夜有些寂寞，在这样的日子，总是会情不自禁地第一个想到你，我想对你说一句，朋友，万圣节快乐!不用感谢我，谁让你和鬼是近亲哪!
10. 风在吼，鬼在叫，南瓜不停在闪耀;灯伴奏，人狂跳，万圣节里好热闹;穿鬼衣，戴鬼帽，誓把今天搞乱套。呵呵，万圣节愉快!
11. 疯狂是今天的主调，吓人是为了热闹，尖叫是你的声调，不变是你我的欢笑，装鬼要装到高潮，万圣节来到，穿出不一样的样貌，玩到鬼哭狼嚎，活出快乐的味道!
12. 鬼没什么可怕，就怕鬼迷心窍;神没什么可怕，就怕神魂颠倒;鬼神没什么可怕，就怕鬼使神差;神鬼没什么可怕，就怕疑神疑鬼。鬼神祝你万圣节快乐!
13. 节日来了，你还在等待什么，带上面具，点起南瓜灯，像鬼一样在大街上游荡吧，欢乐会属于你的，我的鬼友。
14. 你的一笑，狼都上吊，你的一叫，鸡飞狗跳，你的一站，臭味弥漫，你一出汗，虱子灾难，你不打扮，比鬼难看，你一打扮，鬼吓瘫痪!献给万圣节的你!
15. 你准备好欢快的心情了么，在万圣节的夜晚，我们一起去狂欢，忘记心中的烦恼，让真心在交流中释放。
万圣节短信 万圣节祝福语
条条祝福表心意，万圣节祝福送给你：烟鬼没烟不自在，酒鬼没酒不舒坦，色鬼没色心儿闹，长舌鬼没舌憋得慌，短信提醒早来到，小气鬼收到来报到！
情意深，短信祝福表关怀：莫贪莫恋酒和烟，烟鬼酒鬼皆无缘，见到美女莫发直，做人别学好色鬼，生活多彩莫吝啬，千万莫做小气鬼，祝万圣节愉快！
万圣节，短信奉上。回信息的是好鬼，不回的是坏鬼；保存的是帅鬼，删除的是坏鬼；独自偷乐是自私鬼，和大家分享的是开心鬼。
话说多遍，总觉不够--言不尽意；祝福多次，还嫌不足--情谊最深；又临节日--虽是万圣，小鬼来闹，抓个开心鬼，开心一辈子。
万圣节到了，欢迎广大兄弟姐妹参加万圣节化妆派对。你就不用装扮了……长得这么出众，怎么扮也不会像鬼的。呵呵，万圣节快乐！
夜深人静，你的窗外，有人守候，给你财富，给你欢乐，让他进去，若要问起，我不多言，你且猜测，实在不知，我就告你，鬼才知道，万圣快乐！
各位注意：为防止白日见鬼，出门要神出鬼没，穿得像人模鬼样，工作中鬼使神差，交谈时鬼话连篇，收到短信要神不知，鬼不觉！请相互转告！
日日笙歌，那是君主国王，天天玩乐，那是地痞流氓，整日辛苦奔忙，也该享受天堂，虽然不是鬼王，万圣节也要出来疯狂。
天苍苍，地茫茫，鬼节到来让人慌；大鬼躲，小鬼藏，三五成群玩迷藏；叮当当，响当当，手机短信结成帮；鬼来了，别慌，只为祝你万圣节安康！
这不是一条普通的短信，这真的不是一条普通的短信，这确实不是一条普通的短信，因为我要祝你万圣节快乐！
教育普及了，人们不信鬼神了，糖都不甜蜜了，没人穿鬼服搞怪说“不给糖就使坏”了；白炽灯霓虹灯都亮了，没人去做南瓜灯了，但要记得万圣节快乐！
万圣节，我有一万个理由爱你，万圣节，我有千言万语送你甜蜜，万圣节，我有万种风情只为你温柔，万圣节快乐，我亲爱的女巫婆婆。
万圣节到，我的心儿跳；数着兜里的碎钱不知道给你买什么好！我知道，世界上所有的鲜花和美好，都无法和我的一句祝福又力道。在万圣节到来之际，我悄悄地送上我的祝福，祝你能够和我一样快乐的笑。
是人是鬼，无所不能，上天入地，左右恒通，温柔背后，总有魅影，奇迹发生，不要害羞，皆因万圣，快乐就好。
等待你的是我无奈的眼神，呼唤你的是我冰冷的气息，没有你我的世界苍白不堪，没有你我的笑容都带阴影，你就是我这个孤魂要附体的不二人选。
情深深，雨蒙蒙，倩女靓影媚眼抛；夜静静，风冷冷，黑白无常勾人魂；扑通通，心慌慌，色鬼抢追为异性；十月底，万圣节，提个南瓜把酒言欢！
治愈不开心的笑话
治愈不开心的笑话
治愈不开心的笑话，生活中经常可以看到有很多好笑的笑话和段子，平时抽空看一看，不仅可以愉悦身心、放松心情，学几个还可以讲给同事朋友听，增进人际关系，下面是治愈不开心的笑话。
治愈不开心的笑话1
1、洞房花烛夜，新郎激动地掀起新娘的红盖头，却发现是另外一个女人，不由得又惊又喜，连忙问道：“姑娘，你是谁啊？”
姑娘莞尔一笑，红着脸，轻声说：“新娘喝醉了，我是伴娘，酒后代嫁！”
2、愚公移了一辈子的山，临死前把他的儿子们叫到床前，用尽最后一口气对他的儿子们说：“移山、移山……”
儿子们紧紧握着愚公的手，深情地回答：“移山，移山，亮晶晶！”
3、一个老师，问班上的三名同学，“在中国谁最高？”
第一名同学连忙回答道：“姚明最高。”
第二名同学感觉不对，立刻反驳道：“我们那里的乐山大佛比姚明高多了，起码有七十多米。”
第三名同学自信地补充道：“七十多米也只是他坐下的高度，他要是站起来，至少一百米。”
4、回来的路上遇见两个法国人，一个可能是教汉语的老师，另一个应该是他的学生。
老师高兴地指着中国日历对学生说：“看，这两个字念雷锋，这是雷锋纪念日，他在中国非常有名，因为他生前帮助过很多人。”
学生佩服地说：“老师，您真是见多识广！”
说完两人就高兴地走了，我凑过去一看，见日历上写的是霜降！
5、电梯里，一位漂亮的妈妈带了个可爱的小姑娘，另外还有一个陌生男子，为了避免尴尬，陌生男子从口袋中掏出了一只棒棒糖递给了小姑娘。
然后，漂亮的'妈妈就问小姑娘：“当别人送给你东西的时候，你该跟别人说什么？”
小姑娘回答道：“叔叔，你还有吗？我妈妈也想要。”
6、一对夫妻到野外旅游，突然碰到一只老虎，老公义无反顾地走上去跟老虎搏斗，最终把老虎赶跑了。
老婆对老公说：“你真是太勇敢了，那么大的老虎，你居然一点都不怕。”
老公回答道：“有什么好怕的，我和你这只母老虎生活在一起这么多年，难道是白混的嘛。”
7、小明：“大师，您认为人生中最快乐的事是什么？”
大师抓了一只七星瓢虫，放到面粉里裹一圈后送给小明。
小明：“大师，您的意思是人虽然微小如虫，在凡尘中摸爬滚打一生，但也必能遇到快乐之事？”
大师：“不，是白嫖。”
8、美女发现口红太重，便拿湿巾擦拭，随后将湿巾扔到了路上，恰巧被一个老头捡起，老头端详半天，突然醒悟，追上去说：“姑娘，这超薄的就是容易掉呀”！
9、居委会大妈看到一个小女孩站在门口，于是便问道：“小孩，大冷天，你一个人站在门口干什么？怎么不在房间里待着？”
小女孩回答道：“爸爸妈妈在吵架。”
居委会大妈说：“不像话，你爸爸是谁？”
小女孩回答道：“这就是他们吵架的原因。”
10、一个人去理发店理发，他跟老板说：“我赶时间，不要太磨叽，修一下就好了。”
老板说：“就算我再快，也不能咻一下就好了啊。”
11、一对夫妇在河边钓鱼，夫人总是吵个不停，一会儿鱼上了钩，夫人说：“这鱼真可怜！”
丈夫说：“是啊，闭上嘴不就没事了嘛。”
12、有一位姓铁的老头儿，身上没有一根毛儿，请问他得了什么病呢？答案是：老铁没毛病。
13、一根火柴去逛街，走着走着，头皮突然发痒，于是他就挠了挠头，没想到着火了，去医院之后，就变成了一根棉签。
14、我有一个朋友，他的名字叫朱川，他妈妈每次给他买衣服的时候都会说，“这是买给我们家朱川的。”
15、听说睡觉时把手机放在枕头边上会有辐射，对身体不好，于是我在睡觉时果断把枕头给丢了。
16、今天在办公室闲得没事，就拿出一块磁铁玩，不巧被领导看到了，领导伸手就来拿，结果“嗖”的一下，磁铁吸在了领导的金戒指上面，超尴尬。
17、刚刚在翻看简历的时候，看到一个毕业生的简历，他在获奖经历栏写的是，在校期间，多次获得康师傅“再来一瓶”奖励！
18、一个日本人来中国看牙医，结果两个人打了起来，警察一问才知道，原来牙医对日本人说了句，“拔个牙喽。”
19、你知道吗？唐僧被困在女儿国的时候，其实看上了漂亮的女国王，当女国王问他想不想嫁的时候，唐僧十分爽快地说：“嫁！”然后白龙马就驮着唐僧跑了。
20、有一天，赵云屁股受伤了，去找华佗帮忙医治，刚打算坐下来，华佗喊道：“将军，有伤勿坐。”
赵云回答道：“你家是开高铁的吗？还有商务座？”
21、曹操带儿子曹冲拜访刘备，曹操走到门前，大声喊道：“曹操携幼子前来拜访。”
刘备说：“哎呀，来就来嘛，还带什么水果嘛。”
22、有一天，唐僧问八戒：“你知道悟空头上戴的是什么箍吗？”
八戒想了想，回答道：“猴头箍。”
23、有一天，我下铺的室友在吃泡面，这时候，吃着吃着，突然说了一句，“这泡面里咋还有脆骨呢？”于是，上铺的我默默地收起了指甲刀。
24、有一天，小蛇慌张地问哥哥：“我们有毒吗？”
大蛇说：“你问这个干嘛？”
小蛇说：“我刚刚不小心咬到了舌头。”
25、今天万圣节，我去买南瓜，老板特意给我挑了一个大的，我说：“我一个人吃不完。”
老板说：“我还以为你拿去做面具呢。”
26、父亲走进儿子的房间，夸奖道：“干得好，儿子，窗户既干净又明亮，你是用肥皂水擦的吗？”
儿子回答道：“没有，我用的是锤子。”
27、单位有个同事，蒙古人，过年的时候休假回家，假期过了好几天还不回来，领导给他打电话。
他在电话里说：“领导，我还在呼伦贝尔草原上骑马找家呢，我家是游牧民族，现在不知道搬到哪里去了。”
28、老公下班到家，发现老婆躺在沙发上，老公关切地问道：“老婆，身体不舒服吗？”
老婆点了点头，老公连忙安慰道：“做饭的事，你不用愁，我一会儿把你背到厨房。”
29、和老婆一块看三国演义，我顺嘴说了一句：“你说我在三国里面能做什么？”
老婆说道：“绑在草船上，借箭。”
30、有一天，大象上完厕所，没有手纸了，它就问旁边的小白兔，“你怕掉毛吗？”小白兔回答道：“我不怕啊。”于是，大象抓起小白兔就去擦屁股。
第二天，大象吃饭又忘记带手纸了，然后它就又问旁边的小松鼠，“你怕掉毛吗？”小松鼠回答道：“我不怕啊。”于是，大象就拿起小松鼠擦嘴。
擦完嘴之后，小松鼠说：“大象，我就是昨天的小白兔！”
治愈不开心的笑话2
发泄
我哥被我嫂子管得严，整日郁闷。
我给他出一主意：“我带你去拳击健身房吧？好好发泄发泄”??
哥问我：“我怎么发泄呢？”
我说：“你就把沙袋当成我嫂子好了”。
晚上在健身房，教练问我：“你带来那男的有病吧！‘’
我问：他怎么啦？
教练说：你那个朋友对着沙袋都跪了一下午了。
没老公
去闺蜜家玩，发现闺蜜的女儿自己洗小袜子。
我就好奇的问她:你怎么自己洗啊，没人帮你洗啊？
她很无奈地看了我一眼说:我还小，没老公 ，只能自己洗..........
断了念想
妻子问丈夫：有个以前追过我的男生来这出差，想找我吃饭！你介意不？丈夫想了想问：什么时候追的你？妻：大二！
丈夫：那会儿你体重多少？妻：90斤左右！丈夫上下打量了一下150斤皮肤暗黄的妻子，说：去吧，也好让人家断了念想.....
愈合了
一个朋友特别娇气，那天手割破了一点小皮，出了一点小血，非要去医院！
到了医院大夫看看说，哎呀呀！你们送来的真及时啊 再晚会儿，都愈合了！
善良的司机
下午坐2路公交车，有一个人上车后站在车门那儿问司机：“师....师...傅...到...到...南..南..南通门....还有几...站？（是个结巴）
司机看了他一眼欲言又止继续专心开车，于是那人又结巴了问了一遍，司机大哥还是不理他，这时他就有点不爽了在那小声嘟囔。
于是车上的一个热心乘客说：你不要跟司机说话，人家要开车呢，我待会到南通门也要下，你随我下就对了。那人说：“谢..谢..谢谢！” 车到南通门了，那个结巴随乘客下了。
这时候司机大哥说话了：“不...不....不是我...我..我...不跟他...他...说，我...我...要说...说了，他他他...还以以以为...我我我...学...学学他呢！”
叫家长
老师让一学生把家长叫到学校来，学生害怕叫家长，于是就花钱雇了一个在下棋的老头冒充家长。
到学校后老师看了一眼老头，就小声逼问学生：“你确定这是你家长？”
学生回答说：“是！”
老师赶忙把老头叫到一边紧张的说：“爸，你在外面有这么小的孩子我妈知道吗？”
治愈不开心的笑话3
说起来人生就如同这些笑话背后的启示，给了我们久久不能平静的开心和顿时需要思考的沉默。
男人买了一条鱼回家让老婆煮，然后自己跑去看电影，老婆也想一起去。男人说：“两个人看浪费钱，你把鱼煮好，等我看完回来，边吃边和你分享故事情节。”
待男人看完回来时，没见到鱼，就问老婆：“鱼呢？”老婆淡定地找了把椅子坐了下来说：“鱼我全吃了，来，坐下来我给你讲讲鱼的味道。
做人，就该这样，你怎么对我，我就怎么对你！
高考那年，我考了200分，而妈妈朋友的孩子考了680分，那个孩子去了重点大学，而我只能去打工，九年后，那孩子的妈妈向我和妈妈炫耀他儿子又应聘了一个月薪过万的项目经理…而我，却在想：该不该聘用他。
献给所有成绩不好的孩子们：你，可以不读大学！但你，绝对不可以不拼搏！
一根稻草，扔在街上，就是垃圾，与白菜捆在一起就是白菜价，如果与大闸蟹绑在一起就是大闸蟹的价格，我们与谁捆绑在一起，这很重要！
一个人与不一样的人在一起也会出现不一样的价值！一个人与不一样的平台也会体现不同的价值！请结交有正能量的人会影响你一生。
一只小猪、一只绵羊和一头乳牛，被关在同一个畜栏里。有一次，牧人捉住小猪，它大声嚎叫，猛烈地抗拒。绵羊和乳牛讨厌它的嚎叫，便说：“他常常捉我们，我们并不大呼小叫。”
小猪听了回答道：“捉你们和捉我完全是两回事，他捉你们，只是要你们的毛和乳汁，但是捉住我，却是要我的命呢！”
立场不同、所处环境不同的人，很难了解对方的感受，最高级的善良无非就是：不经他人苦，莫劝他人善。
晚饭后，母亲和女儿一块儿洗碗盘，父亲和儿子在客厅看电视。突然，厨房里传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片沉寂。 这时儿子望着父亲说道： “一定是妈妈打破的。 ”
“你怎么知道？” “她没有骂人。”
我们习惯以不同的标准来看人看己，以致往往是责人以严，待己宽。
一位大妈误加入一个博士群里。
有人提问：一滴水从很高很高的地方自由落体下来，砸到人会不会砸伤? 或砸死 ？群里一下就热闹起来，各种公式，各种假设，各种阻力，重力，加速度的计算，足足讨论了近一个小时 。这时大妈默默问了一句：你们没有淋过雨吗 ？
群里突然死一般的寂静......然后，然后大妈就被踢出群了。
知识可以给你带来更多思考方式，但是经验可以让你更快地解决问题。
一头马、一头驴听说唐僧要去西天取经，驴觉得此行定困难重重，放弃；
马却立刻追随而去，经九九八十一难取回真经。
驴问：兄弟，是不是很辛苦啊？
马说：其实，在我去西天这段时间，您走的路一点不比我少！ 而且还被蒙住眼睛，被人抽打。其实，我怕混日子更累。
老鼠掉进了半满的米缸，意外让它喜不自禁。确定没有危险后，它便开始了在米缸里吃了睡、睡了吃的生活。很快，米缸就要见底了，可它终究还是摆脱不了大米的诱惑，继续留在缸里。
最后，米吃完了，它才发现，跳出去只是梦想，一切都无能为力了。
