笑话哦本文目录一览：
急求英语搞笑四人短剧~~尽量简单点~~
话剧名：吻青蛙就会给你带来王子
name:kissing a frog can always brings you a prince
需要四五个人：一个旁白，一个公主，一只不爱洗澡的青蛙，一到两只干净的青蛙。
需要道具：服装，一枝花，一张帅哥的照片，还有其它的道具你可以自添加。
场景：森林里，破井边。
旁白（头上插枝花）：long long ago,a bueatiful princess who was as bueatifull as a.......
(开始思考，突然大悟，取下头上的花）。。。。。right! flower.
she is lonely so the Queen of love promised a prince of frog for her,she told her to go out one day.....(公出场).....
the princess walks near the castle and...........
公主（以下简称公）台词：
Oh，Venus,Queen of love,can you tell me where is my fate?where is my handsome prince?where is the prince of frog?
白：Suddenly,she discovered that she had walked in to a strange forest,when suddenly again, a frog appeared in front of her.
（青蛙把王子的照片藏在领子里，出场，蹲在地上，要表现出自己很脏很邋遢，但不能让人恶心，记住）
公：(惊喜）Oh Venus,thank you my Queen of love,I see it,I see the frog.let me see,(走过去）
oh my god,this frog is so.........(闻闻，然后捏住鼻子，犹豫,来回走），is it really the frog for me?
（看看周围，）aren't there any other frogs?
这时，早就在场边待命的干净青蛙，跳动起来：YES YES other frogs we are here ,see? we are here.（重复说we are here!)
旁白冲过去，敲那些“青蛙”的头,说：“sh.......sh.........shut up ,shut up....."
脏青蛙(很不耐烦)：excuse me my lady? please tell me how long you want to keep me waiting?
公主：(惊慌，，，赶紧给它洗澡。。。。。。)don't be angry lovely little frog,you need a shower first.旁白过来用花把它扫干净。
白：now the princess is going to kiss her frog.
公要亲它头的时候，它突然站起来，吐出（从领子里抽出照片）给公主。
说：thank you young lady,the Queen of love told me to give this to you after the shower,she promised me a shower here.
公主：what?（大吃一惊）
青蛙：She told me to give this photo to you to thank you for the shower.now you take it,just take it.
公：so you are not my frog of prince........公主接过照片,青蛙走人，公主看一下，然后晕倒。。。。。。
白冲过来扶住她，同时大声念：
my dear,the man on the photo is the prince I promise you,tel NO.131232313266
幽默四人英语小短剧
小剧本-----小红帽
Little Red Riding Hood
第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!
Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.
Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.
Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二场：在路上
(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三场：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.
Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)
Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!
Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (应声倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．
Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you
英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威）
T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear
Tiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)
Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!
Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.
Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?
Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.
Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now.
Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here.
Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.
Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.
Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out.
Bird: I’m a bird.
Rabbit: Hi!
Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?
Rabbit: Yes, please.
Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?
RB: Yes, come on!
Frog : Ok! I’m coming!
Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?
R,BF: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us.
Bear: Ok! I’m coming.
Fox: Hello, Bear!
Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Frog!
Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Bird!
Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Hello, Rabbit!
Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)
Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!
Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.
Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me
April Fool's Day
愚人节
(N：讲述故事者；F：愚男；Mum：妈妈；U：丑男；D1：大女儿；D2：小女儿；S：科学家；king国王)
N: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!
许多年以前的四月一日，有个婴孩诞生了，他老爸给他取名为“愚男”，除他妈妈，没人喜欢他。时间过的真快啊！
F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.
妈妈，我十八岁了，我要离开这个家了。
Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!
好的，但要时不时回家看望我哈。这是一瓶酒，一块干面包。记住：要照顾好自己啊。再见了！
N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.
他走到一座森林，遇到一个丑八怪的男人。
U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?
你好！我又饿又干，请给我些喝的和吃的，怎么样？
F: Ok, here.
好的。给。
U: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!
喔，多谢了！好，我要走了。哦，这根手杖给你，会给你带来好运的。一路好运！
N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.
愚男来到一栋餐馆，老板有两个女儿，她们发现那根手杖闪闪发光。
D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃惊地）
喔，好漂亮的手杖啊！我想要，真是太棒了！！！(上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面)啊，老天啊！我放不开它了！(吃惊地)
D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）
姐姐，你在那做啥啊？你自个儿想要那根手杖？不行，我要有一份！我们都是父母的女儿，我必须跟你一样要有一分！（走向木棒）
D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!
别来！别来！危险！
D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?
你来得，我也来得！（也被粘在木棒上）啊，老天啊！我怎么啦？
D1: What a pity!
真可惜！
N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girls followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.
愚男一点都不在意，吃了饭之后，他拿起那根手杖就离开了饭馆。当然，那两个女孩就跟着他。来到一块田的时候，他们遇到一位科学家。
S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!
啊！太可怕了！你姐妹俩跟着一个男孩，你们怎么这么傻啊！我带你们回家，把这个男孩送到警察局去。（抓手杖 ,也被粘住）啊！糟糕！太糟糕啦！
N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.
几天之后，他们来到一个陌生的国度。国王有个女儿，但她从来不笑。
King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.
要是谁能让她笑，那她就是他的妻子。
F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.
我来看看。或许我能呢。
N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.
这样他们就去看望她。她看到愚男和他的朋友就笑个不停。
k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?
好的，你让她笑了，现在让我们看看你的生辰八字，你哪天出生的？
F: April 1.
四月一日。
K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!
哦！多么棒的孩子！你知道我们国家的名字吗？我告诉你吧，叫“愚蠢世界”。非常适合你，对不？
N: The result is ——The foolman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool".
结果是愚男跟他妻子一起幸福的过了一辈子直到死。这就是我们有这样的一个假日的缘由：“愚人节”。
4人 六分钟 英语幽默短剧(带中文翻译)
（One day, the class is over,student A and B walk together.）
A: Labour Day is coming, we should relax a little on vacation, what are you going to do.
B: I have no idea no.How about you?
A: I intend to go to the Baotu Spring,It’s said that it is a good interest of place.
B: En,yes,it is the first spring of the world.
A: Why not go with me? I believe you will be satisfied with it.
B: About it let me think.
(Student A and B come acoss C.)
C:Hi!What do you discuss?
A:Hi!We are talking about the plan of the Labor Day.
C:Where do you plan to go?
A: Baoto Spring.Visit together?
C: Oh! No! I have been there in the Tomb Sweeping Day.
B: Really?How about the sight of it?
C: Very great!There are so many birds and trees.When I go there I was attracted by the beauty of the scenery deeply.
B: Really?
C: Yes.The surroundings is so good,beyond description.There are some photoes in my moblephone,have a look.
B: How great!Is this Baotu Spring?
C: Oh,no!It is Baizheng Spring.In fact,there are many other springs,such as Mapao Spring,Dukang Spring whose funtain(泉水) is so clear and sweet.
A: It sounds great!Are there some fishes in these springs?You know I like fish very much.
C: Oh.There are many kinds of fishes with different colors, red, black, even colorful .I am sure you will be lost in the beautiful scenery.
B: En,it is a great meal to eyes.My desire to visit there become stronger and stronger.
C: It is only a part of the Baotu Spring.
A: It is said that there are many historical relics,such as Memorical Hall of Li Qingzhao.
C: Oh,yes!Except it,Jinan Massacre(惨案) Memorical Hall is also worth visiting.The Massacre is our stigma(耻辱),which happened on May Third.
A: It is of great significance to pay a visit on Labor Day.
B: Wonderful! I decide to visit there.
A: Ok！
C: May you have a good time!
A: Thank you!What about you ?
C: En,I want to climb Mount Tai.
A: Mount Tai?Unattainable feeling!
B: It is so famous for its majesty(雄伟).
A: When you go there?I mean when you climb the Mount Tai,Evening?
C: Of course.I intend to watch the sunrise.The view from the top of the hill was superb(美丽极了).
B: A good pursuit!I hear that the top of the Mount Tai is very cold,you’d better wear enough clothes.
A: en, health and strength is above all gold.
C: Oh, yes! Thanks for your advice.Now I have to search some information about how to get to Mount Tai. See you later!
A:Take care of yourself!
B:See you!
D: Hi, what are you doing? Is it Student C?
B: Oh, he is busy preparing to go on holiday.
D: Holiday?
A: En, yes, Labor Day, we intend to go to Baotu Spring. What’s your plan?
D: Oh, I don’t have an idea. Now I’m not sure if I have a free time.
B: Why? What happened?
D: you know, I have applied for the National Sports Volunteer, the train may be started recently.
B: That is a pity!
D: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to climb Mount Tai. As a Shandong person, it is very pity not to climb Mount Tai.
A: Never mind. It’s also meaningful to train as a volunteer.
D: Of course, on the other hand, my dream can also come true on Summer Day, in a word; I believe I can reach the top of Mount Tai some day.
B: May you make it!
A: Where there is a will there’s a way.
D: Thanks, have a wonderful time, see you later.
A: See you!
（一天，下课了，学生A和B走在一起。）
A：劳动节快到了，我们假期应该放松一下，你打算怎么办。
B：不知道。你呢？
A：我打算去趵突泉，据说那是个很有意思的地方。
B：是的，这是世界上第一个春天。
A：为什么不和我一起去呢？我相信你会满意的。
B：让我想想。
（学生C走过A和B。）
C：嗨！你在讨论什么？
A：嗨！我们正在讨论劳动节的计划。
C：你打算去哪里？
A：宝图春天，一起去吗？
C：哦！不！清明节我去过那里。
A：真的吗？看到它怎么样？
C：太好了！那里有许多鸟和树，当我去那里时，我被美丽的景色深深地吸引住了。
B：真的吗？
C：是的，环境太好了，无法形容。我的手机里有一些照片，你看看。
B：太好了！这是趵突泉吗？
C：哦，不！它是百正泉，其实还有很多其他的泉，比如麻婆泉、都康泉，它们的作用是(泉水) 是那么的清澈甜美。
A：听起来太好了！这些泉水里有鱼吗？你知道我很喜欢鱼。
C：哦，有很多种不同颜色的鱼，红的，黑的，甚至五颜六色的。我相信你会在美丽的景色中迷失。
B：嗯，这是一顿美餐，我想去那里的愿望越来越强烈了。
C：这只是趵突泉的一部分。
A：据说有很多历史遗迹，比如李清照纪念堂。
C：哦，是的！除了济南大屠杀(惨案) 纪念馆也值得一游。大屠杀是我们的耻辱(耻辱),发生在五月三日。
A：劳动节来参观，意义重大。
B：太好了！我决定去参观那里。
A：好的
C：祝你玩得愉快！
A：谢谢！你呢？
C：嗯，我想爬泰山。
A：泰山？高不可攀的感觉！
B：它以它的威严而闻名(雄伟).
A：你什么时候去？我是说你爬泰山的时候，晚上？
C：当然。我打算去看日出。从山顶上看的景色好极了(美丽极了).
B：很好的追求！听说泰山山顶很冷，你最好穿上足够的衣服。
A：嗯，健康和力量是最重要的。
C：哦，是的！谢谢你的建议。现在我要查一些去泰山的信息。再见！
A:保重！
B：再见！
D：嗨，你在干什么？是学生C吗？
B：哦，他正忙着准备去度假。
D：假期？
A：是的，劳动节，我们打算去趵突泉。你的计划是什么？
D：哦，我不知道。现在我不确定我是否有空。
B：为什么？怎么搞的？
D：你知道，我已经申请了国家体育志愿者，火车可能最近才开始。
B：太遗憾了！
D：是的，我一直想爬泰山。作为一个山东人，不登泰山是很可惜的。
A：没关系。作为一名志愿者进行培训也是有意义的。
D：当然，另一方面，我的梦想也可以在夏天实现，一句话；我相信有一天我能登上泰山的顶峰。
B：祝你成功！
A：有志者事竟成。
D：谢谢，玩得开心，回头见。
A：再见！
英语话剧的注意事项
1、首先，组员要熟悉理解剧本，能够充分理解剧本的内容，然后进行表情和细节性的标注，这样会有助于现场的拍摄，同样进行一幕一幕的划分，这样不会使组员太过紧张忘词。
2、其次就是准备道具，一定要全，老师会很在意我们在细节方面的用心程度，倘若我们精心地准备了道具的话，会给老师留下一个不错的印象，很容易得高分。
3、然后就是角色的分配，一定要合理，要根据人们在现实生活中的性格进行分配，这样有助于增加话剧的真实性，从而更生动，同时也要考虑到不同组员的英语水，要考虑周全。
4、然后最最最重要的便是背台词，一定要理解，切记，当我们感觉一句话念不通的时候，可以用简单句进行改写，便于背诵也便于理解，不一定一字不差的照着剧本背，这样也违背了我们学英语的初衷。
5、然后便是拍摄，注意的是情感的投入尤其是表情，还有就是拍摄的角度一定要合理，符合当时情景。进行一幕一幕地拍摄，中途有适当的休息。然后就是尽量多个角度进行切镜头，这样效果会好很多。
急寻英语四人搞笑话剧
话剧《荆轲刺秦王》
静静(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
凌云（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? 艳君(幕后)：It’s you, Prince Dan!（凌云高兴状) Thank you mirror! But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
岑(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
凌云：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
岑：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
凌云：Oh yeah~~~. Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
岑：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
凌云：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
岑：Yes.
Action II
《十面埋伏》中刘德华金成武决斗时的音乐（岑放音乐）
鑫鑫Are you Li mochou?
艳君Yes.I am.And I am the best killer in the world.No one could beat me. So far ,I have already completed a number of assassination mission perfectly...(向太子丹）so if you chose me , I promise to not let you down！
鑫鑫OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁Hey,guy.Are you challenging me?You know that I am a very cold person...，so you must be careful, I will not be lenient.
艳君：and I will not be responsible to you……
鑫鑫so do I.（ 耸耸肩表示同意）
李莫愁OK!Come on!
岑 one ,two ,three,action!
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。
艳君倒地
鑫鑫大笑
艳君痛苦状：I'm dreaming? What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
鑫鑫: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
艳君：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. I always think I'm the best killer ……I was so excellent ……
鑫鑫再次大笑
艳君：Now I finally understand. The Big world, full of wonders.But, it was already too late.（不甘状）No !it 's not the true,I'm the best in the world……
艳君：（向太子丹）You must be regret it……(被拖下去）
上（抱拳）：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and you?
凌云：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
鑫鑫：Sure!
凌云：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
凌云无语
凌云：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
鑫鑫：Oh, I’m kidding too!
鑫鑫：I am busy now!
岑：Hero，we need your help.
凌云：You can get a lot of money.
鑫鑫：I am very busy now!
岑：IC, ID, IQ card?
鑫鑫：I am very very busy now!
岑(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
鑫鑫（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy girl, but TCM is my only love!
岑：What? What’s the TCM?
鑫鑫; Hey, guy! Why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
岑：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
静（观众甲）：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
凌云：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
鑫鑫（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
岑：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
（《No matter》（艳君放音乐），荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。
鑫鑫(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
凌云与岑（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）（艳君放音乐）
鑫鑫挽着永霞，凌云,岑在后.
岑：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
鑫鑫：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
凌云：I will miss you, baby.
（凌云，岑下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起（艳君放音乐），鑫鑫与永霞做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
鑫鑫（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
永霞：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world! I can not live without you!
鑫鑫(流泪) ：Dear,I love you more.
永霞：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you forever.Don not worry about me.
鑫鑫（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... . that you will never give up... no matter what happens... promise me now, and never let go of that promis.
永霞:"I promise."
鑫鑫:"Never let go. “
永霞:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."I believe you will come back soon.
鑫鑫上船，渐渐远去
永霞：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
永霞(掏出手机拨号，岑接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
岑：Okay okay!
静静：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
艳君飘上：(面向观众）Hey,it's really a pity ! Is not it ?I have said they must be regret it! So I'm the best killer in the world...I have had enough cruel! Enough vicious!And the most important thing is I will not be the beauty of the temptation.
静 :what!Who are you?How do you appear here?What do you want to do ?(护住自己）
艳君：You only need to know that if the killer is me,you'd be dead !
