笑话哦本文目录一览：
- 1、较长的英语笑话带翻译？
- 2、中长篇的英语笑话大全？
- 3、英语对话小笑话带翻译？
- 4、英语幽默长笑话带翻译
较长的英语笑话带翻译？
冷笑话不同于一般笑话,它以其独特的制笑机制,能瞬间创造出一种特殊的氛围。下面是我带来的，欢迎阅读!
篇一
Two nuns were shopping and happened to be passing the beer store.
两个修女外出购物，路过一家啤酒店。
One asks the other if she would like a beer.
其中一个修女问另外一个要不要买点啤酒喝。
The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.
那个修女回答说她是想喝，但不太敢去买。
The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.
第一个修女说她会搞定，说罢拿起一提六瓶装的啤酒，来到收银台。
The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."
看到收银员的表情有点怪，第一个修女说，“我们买啤酒是用来洗头的。”
The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying. . .
收银员，眼皮都没有眨一下，把手伸进柜台下面，拿出一包椒盐饼干放到装啤酒的袋子里面，
"Here, don't forget the curlers."
说“嘿，卷发器可不能少!”
篇二
There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink.
一个男人坐在酒吧里，看着自己的酒发呆。
He stayed like that for half an hour.
他这个样子已经有半个小时了。
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up next to him,took the drink from the guy, and drank it all down.
这时，一个好惹事的卡车司机走到他旁边，从他手里一把抢过酒杯，把酒喝了个精光。
The poor man started crying.
可怜的男人大哭起来。
The truck driver said, "e on man, I was just joking.
卡车司机说，“拜托，哥们，我只是在和你开个玩笑。
Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying"
这样吧，我再给你买一杯，我实在受不了看着一个大男人哭。”
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
“不，不是那样的。今天是我这辈子最倒霉的日子。
First, I was late getting to my office.
首先，我上班迟到了，
My boss was outrageous, and fired me.
我的老板是个蛮横的家伙，他把我炒了。
When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen.
当我离开办公楼去取车时，发现我的车被偷了,
The police say they can do nothing.
警察却说他们对此无能为力。
I got a cab to return home,and when I left it,
于是我只好打车回家，下了车，
I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards there.
我发现钱包和信用卡都落在了车上，
The cab driver just drove away.
但那个计程车司机已经把车开走了。
When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
我回到家，发现我老婆和园丁正在床上鬼混。
I left home and came to this bar.
我离开家，来到这个酒吧。
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,you show up and drink my poison"
而现在，正当我考虑要结束我的生命，你出现了，还喝了我的毒酒。”
篇三
A New Mum took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time.
一个年轻的妈妈头一回带着她的宝贝女儿到超市买东西，
She dressed her in pink from head to toe.
她把小宝贝从头到脚穿上粉红色的衣服。
At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.
在商场，她把小女孩放在购物车里，把买来的东西都推在孩子周围。
At the checkout line a *** all boy and his mother were ahead of them.
在付款台前排队时，一个小男孩和他妈妈正好排在她们前面。
The child was crying and begging for some special treat.
那个小男孩在哭，看上去在向他妈要著什么东西，年轻的妈妈想，
He wants some candy or gumand his mother won't let him have any, she thought.
这个小孩一定是要糖果或是口香糖之类的玩意儿，而他妈妈又不给，所以才闹得这么厉害。
Then she heard his mother's reply.
然而就在这个时候，她听到男孩的妈妈一边回答说，
"No!"she said, looking in her direction.
“不行，”一边往她的方向看过来，
"You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one"
“你今天不能买一个小妹妹了，那位女士把最后一个买走了!”
中长篇的英语笑话大全？
笑话是民族文化不可或缺的一部分。透过笑话我们可以看到一个民族的生存环境、生活方式、社会关系和心理特征等等。我分享中长篇的英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!
中长篇的英语笑话：Wish You a Merry...Chri *** ukah?
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was being prohibitive for both sides. By bining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chri *** ukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus being unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the petitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."
中长篇的英语笑话：The Athiest
One beautiful morning a athiest was walking through the forest, admiring natures surroundings...
He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and *** iled...
He saw the river glisten in the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside...
He thought to himself that mother nature had made a true and wonderful world...
The athiest had walked a little further down the track he had taken when suddenly a bear jumped out of the bushes only a few yards ahead of him and started growling, looking hungry and ran quickly towards him...
Seeing the big bear bounding towards him he screamed in horror and started running as fast as he could away from the bear...
Knowing that the bear would catch up to him and he had no chance, the athiest soon ran out of breath and in a few paces fell to the ground...
As the bears shadow fell upon his face and his paws e down upon his chest, the athiest screamed
"oh help me god"
Suddenly the trees that he so much admired stopped swaying...
The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing..
And the sky opened up and a voice begun to speak..
"I am god, and even though you dont believe in me, i am here for every being on this earth"
The athiest felt relieved a little bit and asked god...
"Im sort of in this situation, im only asking if you can help me get out of it"
God thought for a moment and said...
"I will give you one wish to help you and that is all, you may proceed with this wish"
The athiest thought about this wish for a moment and then spoke to god..
" Well i dont really want to bee a christian, so i wish the bear to bee a christian"
God spoke...
"So be it done"
Suddenly the sky closed up...
The river turned back into its flowing glory...
The trees began to sway again...
And the bear clapped his paws together and said...
"Thankyou god for this meal im about to recieve"
中长篇的英语笑话：Wele At Church?
Three couples -- one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed -- wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father."
"Congratulations! Wele to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it."
"Congratulations! Wele to the church," said the priest.
The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What happened?" inquired the priest.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overe with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be wele in our church," stated the priest.
"We know," said the young man. "We're not wele at the supermarket anymore either."
英语对话小笑话带翻译？
笑话是日常生活中常见的现象,被广泛应用于电视剧、电影、小品和其他娱乐节目中。下面是我带来的，欢迎阅读!
篇一
I'm a letter-carrier 我是邮递员
A doctor told his patient there was nothing really the matter with him. "All you requir is more outdoor life, walk two or three miles regularly1 everyday. By the way, what's your business?"
"I'm a letter-carrier." the patient answered.
医生告诉他的病人说他没有什么毛病。“你现在需要的就是更多的户外生活，天天坚持走二三里路。顺便问一下，你是干什么工作的?”
“我是邮递员。”病人回答。
篇二
How about just one RIB? 一根肋骨怎么样?
In the Eden, Adam told the God1: "I'm lonely, I need a pany."
"Ok," said the God, "I will give you a perfect woman, beautiful *** art and gentle. She will cook clean and do everything for you, without any plaint2 and question."
"Sounds good," Adam said, "But, to make such a good lady, WHAT is the cost?"
"One arm and One leg."
"OH, expensive!" after thought for a while, Adam asked: "How about just one RIB3?"
在天堂里，亚当对上帝说“我太寂寞了，我须要一个人陪我.”
“好的”,上帝答到.“我将要给你一个完美的女人，美丽、聪明而且温柔，她将毫无怨言地为你烧饭，为你做一切事情。”
“那太好了。” 亚当说道，“但是，要做出这么一个完美的女士，我需要付出什么呢?”
“一只手和一条腿。”
“噢，那代价太大了!”想了一会，亚当接着问：“ 一根肋骨怎么样?”
篇三
They Are Here in My Hand 它们全在我手里
Mrs Williams loved flowers and had1 a *** all but beautiful garden.
In the summer, her roses2 were always the best in her street. One summer afternoon her bell rang, and when she went to the front door, she saw3 a *** all boy outside.
He was4 about seven years old, and was holding a big bunch5 of beautiful roses in his hand.
"I am selling roses," he said6, "Do you want any? They are quite cheap. Five pence7 for a big bunch. They are fresh8. I picked10 them this afternoon."
"My boy," Mrs Williams answered, "I pick9 roses whenever11 I want, and don't pay12anything for them, because I have lots in my garden."
"Oh, no, you haven't," said the *** all boy, "There aren't any roses in your garden -- because they are here in my hand!"
威廉斯夫人喜爱花，而且有一个小而漂亮的花园。
在夏天，她的玫瑰花在她那条街上总是最好的。一个夏日的下午，她的门铃响了，当她去到前门时，看见一个小男孩在门外。
这个小男孩7岁左右，手里拿着一大束漂亮的玫瑰花。
“我在卖玫瑰花，” 这个小孩说，“ 你想买点吗?这些花想当便宜。 5便士买一大束。这些花很新鲜，今天下午我才摘的。”
“ 我的宝贝，”威廉斯夫人回答说，“ 每当我想要玫瑰花时，我就去摘，而且摘了花我也不用付钱，因为在我的花园里有许多玫瑰花。”
“哦，不，你现在没有了，”这个小男孩说，“ 你的花园里没有玫瑰花了——因为它们全在我这手里!”
篇四
Ever catch all the fish? 你把所有的鱼都抓到了吗
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle***一群*** of cars all traveling at the same speed.
However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared1 speed detector2 and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation3***引用，传票***, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"You ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Yeah," the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch all the fish?"
有个人在高速公路上超速了，因为夹杂在一群超速的车里，他并不担心被发现。
当这些车通过一个速度探测仪时，他被红外线扫描器发现了，于是被迫停在路边。
交警过来给了他一张***，签名之后，交警准备离开，司机突然说道：“长官，我知道我超速了。但是我觉著这个不公平。刚刚我周围还有很多车开得跟我一样快啊。为什么只有我得到***?”
“你，钓过鱼吗?”长官突然问道，“当然”，司机有点吃惊，他回答。长官咧开嘴笑了，接着说，“你把所有的鱼都抓到了?”
英语幽默长笑话带翻译
1.How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
2.Where Am I 我在哪儿
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”
3.Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。
4.Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
扩展资料
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
2008年6月7日，笑话经国务院批准列入第二批国家级非物质文化遗产名录。
参考资料笑话＿百度百科
