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很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

英语笑话小学生(英文笑话小学生)

本文目录一览:

小学英语笑话

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝;巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似;类似

18.鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

英语笑话(一)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人:哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话(八)Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

英语笑话小学生(英文笑话小学生)插图

简单小学英语笑话带翻译

The wolf and the fox wanted to eat the rabbit, but it wasn't easy to catch him.

One day the wolf said to the fox, "You go home and lie in bed. I'll tell the rabbit that you are dead. When he comes to look at you, you can jump up and catch him." That's a good idea," said the fox.

He went home at once. The wolf went to the rabbit's house and knocked at the door. "Who is it?" asked the rabbit. "It's the wolf. I've come to tell you that the fox is dead." Then the wolf went away.

The rabbit went to the fox's house. He looked in through the window and saw the fox lying in bed with his eyes closed. He thought, "Is the fox really dead or is he pretending to be dead? If he's not dead, he'll catch me when I go near him." so he said, "The wolf says that the fox is dead. But he doesn't look like a dead fox. The mouth of a dead fox is always open." When the fox heard this, he thought, "I'll show him that I'm dead." So he opened his mouth.

The rabbit knew that the fox wasn't dead, and he ran as quickly as he could.

狼和狐狸想要吃掉兔子,但是这只兔子太难抓到了。

一天,狼对狐狸说:“你回家假装躺在床上。我去告诉兔子你已经死了。当他来看你的时候,你就可以跳起来抓住他了。”“真是个好主意!”狐狸说。

于是他立刻回到家。狼去兔子的房前敲了敲门,“是谁啊?”兔子问道。“狼,我是来告诉你狐狸已经死了。”说完狼就走开了。

兔子去狐狸家看情况。他通过狐狸家的窗户看到闭着眼睛的狐狸躺在床上。他想,狐狸是真的死了,还是在假装呢?如果他没有死,那么我走近他就会被他抓住。于是他说:“狼说狐狸死了。但是他看起来并不像死掉了呀。死去的狐狸通常都是张着嘴的。”狐狸听到这些话就想:我得证明自己是真的死了。于是他张开了嘴巴。

这时兔子知道狐狸并没有死,他就以最快的速度跑开啦。

这篇英语故事告诉我们:不要被假象迷惑,凡事多多求证才能防患于未然。

小学生经典英语笑话短文?

笑话可以在说笑中蕴含着人们对于美好生活的期盼和诉求。折射出社会生活中的方方面面。我精心收集了,供大家欣赏学习!

:上帝在看着

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE.God is watching."

学生们在食堂排队吃午餐。在桌子的一头有一大堆苹果,修女写了一张纸条,贴在苹果托盘上:“只能拿一个。上帝在看着你。”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

顺着午餐队伍往前走,在桌子的另一端有一大堆巧克力饼干。一个孩子写了一张纸条,“想要多少拿多少,上帝正看着苹果呢。”

:能让我们老师回去吗?

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room. Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

在访问一听乡村学校时,教育委员会主席因为隔壁房间里不守规矩的学生们发出的噪音而愤怒不已。他气愤地推开门,一把抓住一个身材较高的男生,他似乎说话最多。他拖着男生到另一个房间,并礼他他站在墙角。

A few minutes later, a *** all boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

几分钟后,一个小男孩探进头来,恳求道:“求求您,先生,能让我们的老师回去吗?”

:你知道我是谁吗?

It was the final examination for a Biology course at a university. It was designed to weed out some students. The examination was two hours long. After the exam booklets were provided, the professor told the class that any exam booklet that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

这是一所大学的生物课期末考试。考试旨在淘汰部分学生。考试时间为两小时。分发试题册后,教授对学生们说,两小时结束后任何没交的试题册他都不再接收,没交的学生一律不及格。考试开始后半小时,个学生匆匆跑了进来,向教授要试题册。

Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

“你没有时间答完试题的,”教授一边把试题册递给学生,一边讽刺地说。

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

“不,我有,”学生回答。然后他坐下来开始答题两小时后,教授要求交卷,学生们把试卷整理好,交了卷,只有那名迟到的学生还继续写着。一小时后,学生走到教授跟前,教授正坐在桌旁准备下一节课。学生试图把试卷放在桌上的一堆试题册上。

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there

“我不会接收的。太晚了。”

"I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

学生看上去将信将疑,有些生气。

The student looked incredulous and angry.

“你知道我是谁吗?”

"Do you know who I am?"

“不,说实话,我不知道,”教授回答说,言语中带着嘲讽的语气。

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarca *** in his voice.

“你知道我是谁吗?”学生又问,声音更响亮了。

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice.

“不知道,我也不在乎”教授回答,面露优越的神色。

"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

“那就好,”学生说著快速地拿起一叠试卷,把他的塞到中间,然后走出了教室。

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of pleted exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

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