笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

英语笑话冷笑话幽默(英语笑话冷笑话幽默段子)

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英语幽默短笑话10篇

在繁忙的学习工作中,适时读一些幽默笑话,放松自己,劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的10个英语幽默短笑话,希望大家喜欢!

英语幽默短笑话1.

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。

妈妈:今晚停电了。

迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

英语幽默短笑话2.

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

英语幽默短笑话3.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

英语幽默短笑话4.

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

英语幽默短笑话5.

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

英语幽默短笑话6.

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语幽默短笑话7.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语幽默短笑话8.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登 广告 啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语幽默短笑话9.

—Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

-- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语幽默短笑话10.

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语幽默短笑话10篇相关 文章 :

1. 英语搞笑笑话10篇

2. 爆笑英语冷笑话10篇

3. 最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

4. 10个英语幽默短笑话

5. 英语幽默笑话短

英语笑话冷笑话幽默(英语笑话冷笑话幽默段子)插图

英语幽默笑话7篇

笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术 方法 ,用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是我整理的英语幽默笑话6篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语笑话 一:Is he dying?

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说:刚才医生告诉我,在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。

他的朋友很轻松地指出,许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然,男人回答说:但是他只给了我十片。

英语笑话二:The blonde and the farmer

There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to taken......。

一个金发女郎,是那么恶心的黄色笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来,她觉得很好,她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程,她注意到一群羊,停下车来把......。

英语笑话三:太晚了 It's Too Late

A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道:“五粒。”

一分钟后,这个学生问教授:“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表,说:“太晚啦,你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。”

英语笑话四:The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?” 老师发问道。

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。

英语笑话五:脑移植 A Brain Transplant

The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人,“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元,一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别,“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

医生说:“不是好一些,只是没有用过。”

英语笑话六:最丑的孩子

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车,司机看到后说:“额,那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

女士走到车厢后面坐下,感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说:“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说:“你快上去斥责他。去吧,我替你抱着你的猴子。”

英语笑话七:我娶了你的姐妹

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥,她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个 万圣节 夜里,她穿上一套魔鬼戏服,躲在树后,准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

当丈夫走近时,她从树后跳出来,站到他面前,头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴,手中握着钢叉。

"Who are you?" he asked.

“你是谁?”丈夫问到。

"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

“噢,那你跟我一起回家吧,”丈夫说,“我娶了你的姐妹!”

英语笑话幽默

下面是我整理的 英语笑话 幽默,希望对大家有帮助。

英语笑话幽默:我妹妹的手指头

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

老师:凯温,这次你怎么又迟到了?

凯温:对不起,老师,我在家钉钉子,砸坏了两个手指头。

老师:怎么没有扎绷带呀?

凯温:噢,砸的不是我的手指头,我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

英语笑话幽默:新西兰的气候

The Climate of New Zealand

Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

Teacher: Wrong.

Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

老师:马修,新西兰的气候怎么样?

马修:先生,那里的天气很冷。

老师:错了。

马修:可是,先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

英语笑话幽默:Good news or Bad news?

An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览,他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。

“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。

“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。

“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品,还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的,然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”

“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢?”

店主想了想之后说:“问那个问题的是你的医生”。

英语笑话幽默:I don't think I know

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

老师:“John,动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。

约翰:“你想它是什么呢”?

老师:“我不用想,我知道!”。

约翰:“我想我不知道”。

英语笑话幽默:A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .

Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

女儿出生时,我们给她取名叫迈尔斯,和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字,不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

几年以后,我觉得迈尔斯已经长大,能够懂事了。我对她解释说:你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字,因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。

迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下,然后说道:这些我都懂,妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

英语笑话幽默:电脑问题

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是 其它 颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

英语笑话幽默:精神病医生

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生,我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候,我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间,”医生说,“每周来三次,我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了,“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

英语笑话幽默:死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信,先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦,那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后,她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

英语笑话幽默:他什么都没听到

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

我在邮局上班,对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以,有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时,我还是非常平静地问她,“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了,”女顾客说,“我回到家的时候,我看到一个卡片,卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹,但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后,我把包裹给了她。“噢,太好了”,那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

英语笑话幽默:有效

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

汤姆早上老起不来,所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气,警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是,汤姆去看医生,医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了,睡得非常之好,事实上,他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐,然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”,汤姆说,“那药真管用,我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的,”老板说,“问题是,昨天你人哪去了”?

英语笑话幽默:两个笨贼

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说:“我听到警报响了,快跳吧!” 第二个说:“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他:“都什么时候了,还这么迷信!”

英语笑话幽默:结婚的花费

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

小男孩问他的父亲:“爸爸,结婚要花多少钱?”

His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."

他的父亲回答说:“儿子,我不知道,因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”

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