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全明星笑话故事英文(一个笑话的英文)

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简短的英语笑话带翻译

Feel Unhappy.心里难受

Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?

Father: Of cause, it is.

Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.

Father(angrily): What? You------

儿子:是不是当心里难受时,就不应该再给他精神或肉体上的刺激?

父亲:那当然!

儿子:那好,这次我有两门功课不及格,我现在心里很难受。

父亲(气愤地):什么?你……

It’s not that. 不是那样的。

A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.

B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.

A: No, it wasn’t raining.

A:我看见7个女孩共撑一把伞却没有一个被淋湿。

B:啊?那一定是把很大的伞吧!

A:不是,当时并没有下雨。

Compare other things?比一下其他?

Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

儿子:妈妈,John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。

妈妈:你只关心这个吗?不会比一下其它东西?

儿子:有啊,他妈妈比你漂亮。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,

全明星笑话故事英文(一个笑话的英文)插图

英语搞笑笑话8篇

下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话:Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。

一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。

你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

英语搞笑笑话: Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”

英语搞笑笑话:I've Just Bitten My Tongue

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

英语搞笑笑话:我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。

而且,他只会说几个 英语单词 。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

英语搞笑笑话:He Won 他赢了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

英语搞笑笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

英语搞笑笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。

一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

英语搞笑笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会 游泳 ,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

让人目瞪口呆的英语笑话

让人目瞪口呆的英语笑话大全

@纪西西Baby:第一次出国住酒店要续住,得说一个“我想再住三天”,我就冲上去说I want to live for three more days.前台美女说 ah, you'd like to stay for three more nights, right? 我从此就学会了不是live是stay不是days是nights,老有人问英语怎么学?就这样一点点学。

【我真的~还想~再活~三两天!!】

live for three more days是再活三天的意思。

@五道口奥萨玛: 和朋友去迈阿密玩,朋友跳下车就冲到人家店里问 Can I borrow your toilet? 店主一头雾水反问:what are you going to do with my toilet?

【艹马桶狂魔】

Can I borrow your toilet?意为:我能借走你家的马桶吗?

要借用厕所的话,说Can I use your bathroom?就行了。当然,有语法洁癖的会用May I。

不过无论Can I还是May I,toilet在美式英语中都不是厕所,而是马桶。

@JEFFFF_C: 有次住家问我在哪我说I m in the toilet...住家问迷茫的回了我what re u doing in the toilet? Swim?

【猜火车】

其实想说的是in the bathroom。in the toilet就是进马桶了。

toilet其实就是坐便。而我国常见的蹲便叫squat toilet。曾有一位美国朋友跟我诉苦,刚来中国时用不惯squat toilet,憋了好几天…

@谷大白话: 大学时,学生会为迎接来访的外国教授打出横幅“Professor Cooper, you are welcome!!!”

【膝盖粉碎的教授】

You are welcome是不用谢。欢迎到我校访问该说Welcome to our school!

许多人问这教授是不是叫Sheldon...

@肉肉lin:上课走神被老师叫起来回答问题,喷出一句:what's your problem?

【来自东北的你】

What's your problem?是说:你丫啥毛病?你丫想咋地?

下一个镜头就是抄起板砖海扁老师了。

此处该说Sorry. What's / What was the question? 或简单朴实的Come again?

礼貌点可以说Pardon. / I beg your pardon. / I didn't quite follow you / understand you / catch what you just said. Would you be kind enough to repeat the question, xoxomemeda?

@Auxpow:以前有朋友刚到美国的时候,在麦当劳要吸管,说成 I want a sucker!

【麻烦给我来一杯傻比】

sucker是傻比,容易上当的二货意思。

如I can't believe those suckers really buy that shit! 没想到那群傻比连这当都能上!

也可以作为一种口头禅,类似北方方言的这逼那逼。就是指某人,没啥实际意义。

如Get that sucker over here! 把那逼给我找过来!

或者指某物,相当于“这逼玩意”。

比如布什总统2008年访问某工厂时,站在他们生产的除草机上说了句「Crank this sucker up. 」把这逼玩意开起来。

@青蛇尾巴噼里啪:听说过进诊所说,I'm on fire

【我滴热情~好像一把火~】

想说滴是发烧吧,I have a fever. I'm burning up.

对于不会翘舌音的朋友来说就是 I'm so horny.

on fire要么就是真的着火了,要么就是说你像火一样激动兴奋,状态高涨,势不可挡。

比如打篮球时人品爆发,两分三分各种进球,过人上篮各种无敌。

大家就可以说Dude, you're on fire!

@快宣太医皇上羊水破了:最开始我在穿衣服我就说I'm wearing clothes住家妈妈说do you mean you're changing up?我才会说的

【国王的新衣】

-- I'm wearing clothes!

-- Indeed. Aren't we all?

wear表示的是穿着。穿的过程是put on/ get dressed。换衣服是change。

所以各种颁奖礼走红毯时主持人问明星Who are you wearing?不是说你正在穿谁,而是问你穿的是谁家的衣服。

wear也可以是擦化妆品,擦香水的意思。比如梦露那句经典的I wear nothing but a few drops of Chanel No. 5 in bed.

@小呆鹿:在NZ时不会说手机充值,弱弱的.问店员I want to put money into this cellphone

@nk_usually:是呢,想起第一次买手机充值卡,特别笨拙地跟店员说想 refuel money to my phone, 人家说 oh you mean top-up your mobile。

【充多少?充满!】

给手机充值可以说top up, refill, add minutes, add credit

@Fishlee919:听到过一个好笑(三俗歧义)的,坐出租车快到边说 Can you get me off here? 司机瞬间傻眼。

【弄出来!】

get off的三俗意思是使人高潮。

举个彪马叔吐槽Kim Kardashian的例子:

彪马说Kardashian她爹当年为OJ辛普森辩护是Starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off! (开创了他们家帮黑人“弄出来”的传统)。这里的get off是双关。一个是说让辛普森逍遥法外get him off the hook;另一个就是Kardashian专搞黑人get them off。

@marshmallow_orion:跟同学上课前闲聊,她来了句oh i like your boots我好慌张又好羞涩的说,oh thanks...they are natural...擦,我以为她说我喜欢你的boobs

【literally】

还记得我之前推送中提到的literally使用问题吗?

@阿球阿球笑一笑:说到这个。第一次在外面想吃牛排,扯着脖子跟人家要beef,beef…结果上来一大盘不加盐的水煮牛肉片子,后来仔细看菜谱才知道应该叫steak的。

【金粒门】

我也遇过把“给我来点汤”(soup)说成“给我来点肥皂”(soap)的。基!情!四!射!啊!

最令人发指的餐馆奇遇是一个哥们想说“给我拿菜单来”(Give me the menu)。结果犯了中式英语乱加儿化音和乱读重音两大错误,活生生把menu说成了manure(给我拿米田共来)……

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