笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

你在哪呢冷笑话(来点冷笑话)

本文目录一览:

求一个简单的英语冷笑话

多给你几个吧!反正都是抄的!希望你能开心!!!He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

你在哪呢冷笑话(来点冷笑话)插图

哄女朋友开心的冷笑话

哄女朋友开心的笑话有:

1、我说:“你是猪。”你说:“我是猪才怪!”从此我就叫你猪才怪。终于有一天,你忍不住当着众人的面对我吼道:“我不是猪才怪!”

2、明天你醒来,枕边躺着一只蚊子,身边有一封遗书,上书:我奋斗了一晚,也没能刺破你的脸,你的脸皮厚得让我无颜活在这世上!主啊宽恕他吧!我是自杀的。

3、一对男女偷情,丈夫突然回家,男的没顾穿衣服就跳窗逃跑,走在大街上路上围观,男的装着若无其事看天:啊,这就是地球呀。路人说:cao,装鸡毛外星人。

4、我在马路边,看到一分钱,刚要弯腰捡,原来是口痰,我靠,谁吐这么圆?

5、护士看到一病人在病房喝酒,就走过去小声地对他说:“小心肝!”病人微笑着说:“小宝贝。”

6、某人骑车上街,过一路口,撒把前行。交警看见,惊呼:“手掌好!”某人高兴地挥手作答:“同志们辛苦了!”

求英语冷笑话

1、white man:are you Black?

black man:no,i'm White。

白人:你是布莱克吗?(BLACK是姓叶有黑人的意思)

黑人:不,我是怀特(WHITE是姓也有白人的意思)

2、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别?

A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣!(单词的拼写造成的JOKE)

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝;巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似;类似

18.鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

够吗?不够我再找!

吸引异性的招呼语

吸引异性的招呼语

吸引异性的招呼语,很多人在遇到喜欢的人的时候,都会十分害羞或伪装出不在意的样子,但其实心理很想吸引对方,惹对方的注意,希望对方能够将视线停留在自己身上。今天我就来分享下吸引异性的招呼语。

吸引异性的招呼语1

一、打招呼幽默用语

1、冷笑话

这种时候一般来说不按套路出牌的冷笑话总是能引起别人的注意,比如:从前有一个人叫阿爽。他死掉了。出殡那天。他的家人哭喊:‘爽阿……爽阿。’路人不解。问道:‘伱们爽什么阿。’家人痛哭流涕:‘爽死了啊……爽死了啊。’

2、赞美不可或缺

没有一个人是不喜欢别人赞美自己的,所以想要对方第一时间对你产生好感,想要对方跟你搭话,一定要赞美对方,比如:我对你的敬仰有如滔滔江水,连绵不绝,有如黄河绝堤一发不可收拾。

3、神转折

很多时候一句神转折的话,总是能让对方觉得你这个人真的太有趣了,做朋友还不错了,可以继续聊下去,互相多了解了解。

二、最吸引人打招呼的句子

1、好久不见,你在哪里

2、老同学,今天看见你发现又变漂亮了

3、兄弟,好久不见,好不容易才找到你

4、如果有一天我下去了,我一定会上来找你的

5、你头像看起来气质很不错,可以认识一下吗

6、很高兴认识你,我觉得这是我今天最大的幸运

7、你说说,现在的天气,自来水都可以直接泡方便面

8、你好,今天看见你就觉得缘分,结果上来就搜到了

9、妞,我又没有传染病你老躲着我干嘛啊,再聊会呗

10、我要让全世界的人知道,你这个磨人的小妖精被我承包了

三、回复率高的打招呼

1、你不出现,我这辈子就不爱了

2、和你擦肩而过,立马扫了下附近好友

3、愿你我的融合,会散发出浓浓的香味

4、感情的事如云聚云散,缘分是可遇不可求的风

吸引异性的'招呼语2

1、给你超级的大爱哦,亲爱的。

2、如果你也想见我,那么我们的见面才会有意义。

3、如果你是人,我便做你的意中人。

4、我是天空里的一片云,偶尔投影在你的波心。

5、我们玩躲猫猫吧,让你躲在我心里,假装找不到。

6、曾经的我喜欢曾经的你,现在的我喜欢现在的你。

7、你的影子已被我刻印在心底、所以忘不掉、擦不掉。

8、我的生命的温暖就那么多,我全部给了你。

9、想念你,是一种习惯。

10、躲得过四下无人的街,躲不过寂静无声的想念。

11、可以跟你要个东西吗?要你喜欢我。

12、别在胡思乱想了,想我吧,我也想你。

13、我喜欢你的名字,还有你爱笑的样子。

14、懵懵懂懂的恋,注定今生都在一起。

15、抱怨真没用,不如抱我吧。

16、我只想要和你一起慢慢变老。

17、我长得矮可能就是,想让你护短。

18、你是我这一生等了半世,未拆的礼物。

19、晚上不敢想你了,想到你的笑容,我都睡不着了。

20、不论在时光,还是梦里,你都是我最想见的人。

21、让我爱你,让这份爱轰轰烈烈,天荒地老。

22、我崇拜你像英雄,你宠爱我像小孩。

23、你来人间一趟,你要看看太阳。

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