笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

英语笑话faguan(英语笑话短文)

本文目录一览:

求简短的英语小笑话

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英文笑话小短文

笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头 故事 。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。 下面是我带来的经典 英语笑话 阅读,欢迎阅读!

经典英语笑话阅读篇一

泡泡温泉(双语阅读)

a:tom,look at your shoes.how dirty they are! you must clear hem.

汤姆,看看你的鞋子,多脏呀,你必须洗一洗了。

b:oh.mother,but i cleaned them only yesterday.

噢,妈妈,可我昨天才洗过的。

a:but they are dirty now.you must clean them again.

可现在它们又脏了,你再洗一次吧。

b:i don't want to clean them today. even if i clean them today,they will be dirty again tomorrow.

我今天不想洗,我即使今天把鞋洗了,明天还会脏的。

a:ok,don't clean them then.

好吧,那就别洗了。

(ln the evening tom came back from school.he was very hungry.

晚上汤姆放学回到家,他非常饿。)

经典英语笑话阅读篇二

喂养宠物(双语阅读)

Birds in their little nests agree.

鸟在巢中不相争。

A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den. while an ojd lady passing by.

一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡,正在这时,一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。

A:Sonny.you shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLer.He will get sick and die.

小家伙,你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡,他会生病,甚至会死。

(The child go on with his job.barely liatening to her.Two houra Wer,the lacjy was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cring.with the dead kitten lying beaide him.

可是,小男孩继续给小猫洗澡,几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后,那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣,小猫躺在他的身旁,死了。)

B:Didn't I tell you .sonny.that the kitty would die if you wa.shed him in the cold water?

小家伙,我不是告诉休了吗?如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡,他会死的。

A:But Auntie. he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng him dry.

可是,阿姨,他不是因为我给它洗澡死的,当我把他拧于时,他就死了。

经典英语笑话阅读篇三

戒除烟瘾(双语阅读)

Health is not valued till sickness comes.

生病才知健康好。

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案,他去找他的律师。

A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

如果我输了这场官司,我就完了。

B:It's in the judge's hand now.

这事掌握在法官的手上。

A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

如果我给法官送一箱雪茄,会不会起点作用?

B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

哦.不会的!这位法官很固执,非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见,他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上,你甚至都不用对他微笑。

With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

最后,法官作了一个有利于被告的判决,当被告离开法院时。

A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告,这很多管用。

B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

如果你送了的话,我肯定休会输掉这场官司。

A:But did send them.

但是我的确送了。

B:What? You did?!

什么?你送了?!

A:Yes.That's how we won the case.

对,这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

B:I don't understand

我不明白。

A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.

这很简单,我把雪茄送到了{去官那里,但是附上了原告的一张名片。

急需:英语小笑话,简单短小,而且超级爆笑!谢了。

1.Is it a boy or a girl

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

翻译:是男孩还是女孩?

A:看看那个留短发和蓝色牛仔裤的年轻人。是男孩还是女孩?

B:是个女孩。她是我的女儿。

A:哦,对不起,先生。我不知道你是她的父亲。

B:我不是。我是她的妈妈。

2.Pretty ugly

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..

翻译:非常丑陋的

玛丽:约翰说我很漂亮。安迪说我很丑。你觉得怎么样,彼得?

彼得:我觉得你很丑。

3.Silent fart

A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem.

"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"

The doctor replies:

"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."

翻译:沉默的屁:沉默的屁

一个人走进医生的办公室,遇到了一个严重的问题。

“医生,我在无声气体排放方面有问题。在家里,工作,甚至在教堂,我放出无数的无声屁,无论我走到哪里!事实上,我坐在这里和你谈过三次。我们该怎么办?”

医生回答说:

“我们要做的第一件事就是检查你的听力。”

3.Pay tax with a smile

A: I hate paying my income tax.

B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?

A: I'd like to but they insist on money!

翻译:A:我讨厌付所得税。

B:你应该是个好公民——你为什么不微笑着付钱呢?

A:我很愿意,但是他们坚持要钱!

4.Take his place

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

翻译:代替他:取代他的位置

午夜过后,一位律师打电话给州长,坚持要他跟他谈一件非常紧急的事情。一个助手最终同意唤醒州长。

“那么,这是什么呢?”州长抱怨道。

“Garber法官刚刚去世,”律师说,“我想接替他的位置。”

州长回答说:“好吧,如果殡仪馆还好的话,我就可以了。”

5.I'm Sick

One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital.

Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.

Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.

翻译:我生病了

一天,哈米德感到很不舒服,他去了医院。

护士:哈米德,医生来见你。

哈米德:告诉他,我看不见他。我病了。

向姑姑道歉

爸爸:“儿子,你怎么称呼你的阿姨傻?”去跟她说声对不起。”

儿子:(走到姨妈跟前)“阿姨,对不起你是个笨蛋。”

6.Say sorry to aunt

Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."

Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."

6.Undying love

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes, dear.

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love.

翻译:永恒的爱:永恒的爱

女孩:你爱我吗?

男孩:是的,亲爱的。

女孩:你愿意为我而死吗?

男孩:不,我的爱是永恒的

扩展资料:

look at看; 审视; 评判; 接受

young person(14-17岁的)未成年人; 少年

short hair短头发

blue jeans蓝色斜纹布裤子,牛仔裤

do you你愿意吗

fart讳放屁; 讨厌的人; 令人厌烦的人; 蠢人

walks步态( walk的名词复数 ); 人行道; 步行的路径; 走,步行,散步( walk的第三人称单数 ); 出现; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行

'vehave 的缩略形式

At home在家; 在国内; 在家接待客人; 精通

and even乃至

英语搞笑笑话8篇

下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话:Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。

一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。

你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

英语搞笑笑话: Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”

英语搞笑笑话:I've Just Bitten My Tongue

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

英语搞笑笑话:我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。

而且,他只会说几个 英语单词 。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

英语搞笑笑话:He Won 他赢了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

英语搞笑笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

英语搞笑笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。

一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

英语搞笑笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会 游泳 ,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

英语笑话带翻译 短一些

1.Mother: "I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?"

Johnny: "Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other."

妈妈:“约翰尼,我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?”

约翰尼:“嗯,我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。”

2.Kevin: My wife and I argue a lot. She is very touchy——the least thing sets her off.

Christopher: You’re lucky. Mine is a self-starter.

凯文:我和老婆经常吵架。她太爱发火——一点就着。

克里斯托弗:你是幸运的。我老婆是个自动发生器。

3."Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。而且,他只会说几个英语单词。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

4."Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

"汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"

"没事儿,妈妈," 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"

"他已经吃完自己的了么?"

"是的。" "我帮他吃完时,他也哭了。"

5.Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month.

爸爸:告诉我汤姆,哪个月有28天呢?

汤姆:每个月都有啊!

英语笑话faguan(英语笑话短文)插图

寻求英文笑话,!

.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

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