笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

深深的一个笑话英语(一个英语笑话的英文)

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求几个英语笑话 简短 有新意 单词不要太生疏复杂 不要复制已有的欢迎原创

Best Joke in the worldA couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“Second PlaceSherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, bullet

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”Top joke in USAA man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”Top joke in CanadaWhen NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.Top joke in AustraliaThis woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”Top joke in UKA woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”Top Joke in EnglandTwo guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”Top Joke in WalesA turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”Top Joke in Northern IrelandA doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”Top joke in BelgiumWhy do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducksTop joke in GermanyA general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.” 世界最佳两个猎人在森林里打猎,突然一人晕倒了。没有了呼吸。另外一个人急忙掏出打911。

“我的朋友死了,我该怎么做?”他紧张的大喊。

接线员说:“别那么紧张,我能帮你。首先,要确定他真的死了。”沉寂片刻,传来一声枪响。他回到电话中说:“好了,然后呢?”世界第二夏洛克·福尔摩斯和华生医生正在进行一次野营旅行。在吃过晚饭,喝了瓶葡萄酒后,他们便躺下呼呼大睡。

过了不知几个小时,福尔摩斯醒了过来并推醒他最忠诚的朋友,“华生,快看看天空,然后告诉我你能看见什么。”

“我能看见数千万颗星星,福尔”华生回答。

“接下来你能从中推理出什么?”

华生思考了一分钟,“好的,让我逐条说明--

--根据天文学,说明那里可能有数百万个星系和几十亿颗潜藏的行星。

--从占星学角度来说,我观察到土星的位子处于狮子座。

--从钟表学上看,我推测现在的时间大约是3 点一刻。

--就气象学而言,我想明天很可能是晴空万里。

--神学上,我又能深深感到上帝的强大与我们的渺小,有如浮游于天地,沧海之一粟。”

“那你能推理出什么呢,福尔?”

福尔沉默了片刻后。

“华生,你真够白痴的!”他说。“有混蛋把我们的帐篷偷走了!”Top joke in USA 美国 一天,一个男人和他的朋友正在当地的高尔夫球场打球。当他正准备切球时,看见一支长长的送葬队伍沿着道路方向走来。他的手刚摆到一半,立刻停下来,脱下他的高尔夫球帽,闭上眼睛,深深的鞠躬并默默祈祷。

他的朋友看了说:“喔喔,这是我见过最体贴最感人的事了。你真是个善良的男人。”

那个男人然后说,“是啊,怎么说我们也结婚35年了。” Top joke in Canada 加拿大在美国太空总署第一次派太空人上太空时,他们很快发现圆珠笔无法在零重力的情况下工作。为了解决这个问题,美国太空总署花了10年时间和120亿美元研发了一种可以在零重力,倒置,水下,和几乎一切表面包括玻璃上书写,适应温度的范围从0摄氏度到300摄氏度的钢笔。而俄国人用铅笔Top joke in Australia 澳大利亚 一个女人急冲冲的找到她的大夫,样子非常的焦虑,而且神情恍惚。她紧张兮兮的说,“大夫,快看看我。我今早起来的时候,我看镜子里的自己。我的头发一根根好像生锈的金属丝一样,我的皮肤苍白满是皱纹,我的眼睛布满血丝,还有小虫子掉出来,这是在我脸上找到的虫子尸体!我到底怎么了,大夫!?”

医生接过虫子尸体,给她检查几分钟。然后平静的说,“还好,我只能告诉你,你的眼睛没有任何问题....”Top joke in UK 英国一个女人抱着她的孩子搭上一辆巴士。司机说,“那是我见过的最丑的小孩了,呃咯!”那个女人生气的走到巴士后排坐下。她对身旁的一个男人抱怨到,“刚才司机在侮辱我!”那个男人说:“你直接过去,叫他闭嘴。你去吧,猴子我帮你抱着。”top Joke in England 英格兰岛 两个男人坐在酒吧里。其中一个开始侮辱另一个人。他高声嚷到,“我和你妈睡过!”酒吧里顿时一片寂静,每个人都想听听那个人会怎么反击。他又一次大喊,“我睡过你妈!另一个人说,“你喝醉了,爸,咱回家吧!”Top Joke in Wales 威尔士 纽约的一只乌龟,当它走在过一条胡同时,被一群蜗牛打劫。警探前来调查,他让乌龟描述下当时的情况。乌龟一脸迷糊的看着警探,回答:“我什么都不知道,事情发生的太快了。”Top Joke in Northern Ireland 北爱尔兰 医生对病人说,“我有一个坏消息和一个更坏的消息。”“哎呦,妈呀!坏消息是什么?”病人问。医生回答,“你只能活不超过24个小时。”“太可怕了”,病人说,“还能有什么比这还糟?”医生说,“我从昨天开始就一直试图联系你。”Top joke in Belgium 比利时 为什么鸭子长着蹼脚?

能踩灭火灾

为什么大象是扁平足?

能踩灭着火的鸭子Top joke in Germany 德国 一个将军注意到他的一个士兵。这个士兵会拿起他找到的任何一张纸,然后不满的说“不是这张”,接着便把它扔到地上再去找。他这样已经持续了一段时间,直到将军安排这个士兵进行心理测试。

结束后,心理学家给这个士兵下的结论是,他疯了。并因此给他开了退役表。

士兵拿起它,微笑着说:“找到了。”

深深的一个笑话英语(一个英语笑话的英文)插图

英语幽默短笑话10篇

在繁忙的学习工作中,适时读一些幽默笑话,放松自己,劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的10个英语幽默短笑话,希望大家喜欢!

英语幽默短笑话1.

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。

妈妈:今晚停电了。

迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

英语幽默短笑话2.

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

英语幽默短笑话3.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

英语幽默短笑话4.

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

英语幽默短笑话5.

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

英语幽默短笑话6.

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语幽默短笑话7.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语幽默短笑话8.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人:哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登 广告 啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语幽默短笑话9.

—Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

-- 服务员, 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语幽默短笑话10.

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语幽默短笑话10篇相关 文章 :

1. 英语搞笑笑话10篇

2. 爆笑英语冷笑话10篇

3. 最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

4. 10个英语幽默短笑话

5. 英语幽默笑话短

5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些?

1、爆笑英语小笑话1:Who are stupid?谁蠢?

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2:A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师:如果莎士比亚还活着,他会是一名伟人吗?

学生:当然。因为到目前为止,还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3:Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店,看到了一个可爱的小狗,于是他问店主:“你的狗咬人吗?”

店主说:“不,我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗,然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说:“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢!”

店主和他说:“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4:Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察:有人抢你的手表时,你为什么不呼救呢?

男子:要是我张口的话,他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5:Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”

急求一个简短英语小笑话

英语笑话(一)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人:哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

搜集5条幽默英语笑话(一定要好笑)急!!!

英语幽默笑话:

She Didn"t Say Anything

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.

The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。

“How do you know?” asked her father.

“She didn"t say anything.”

I Have Turned It Over

A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”

The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”

2.One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, thats what he did.

Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

3.When I was born, I was black.

当我出生时,我是黑色的

When I grow up, I am black.

我长大了,我是黑色的

When I'm under the sun, I'm black.

我在阳光下,我是黑色的

When I'm cold, I'm black.

我寒冷时,我是黑色的

When I'm afraid, I'm black.

我害怕时,我是黑色的

When I'm sick, I'm black.

我生病了,我是黑色的

When I die, I'm still black.

当我死了,我仍是黑色的。

you---white people,

你---白种人

When you were born, you were pink.

当你出生时,你是粉红色的

When you grow up, you become white.

你长大了,变成白色的

You're red under the sun.

你在阳光下,你是红色的

You're blue when you're cold.

你寒冷时,你是青色的

You are yellow when you're afraid.

你害怕时,你是黄色的

You're green when you're sick.

你生病时,你是绿色的

You're gray when you die.

当你死时,你是灰色的

And you, call me "color"?

而你,却叫我「有色人种」?

4.The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问。

"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

5.Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

6.Excuse for Speeding

Excuse for Speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

〃Why on earth were you driving so fast?〃 the policeman yelled.

〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!〃

超速的理由

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶,一辆警车拦住了他们。

“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。

“我们的刹车不好,因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”

7.Send the Bill to My Father

Doctor: 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃

Patient: 〃then send the bill to my father,please.〃

把账单给我父亲

医生:“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”

病人:“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”

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