笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

求双语笑话(双关语英语笑话)

本文目录一览:

英语小笑话,越短越好,带翻译

1、Goldfish金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛)them!

斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?

斯丹:浴室。

弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?

斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!

2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说:“我死后,我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说:“不,在你死后,我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊:“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子:“为什么?” 约翰逊:“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师:你哪里不舒服?

病人:我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师:这种情况从什么时候开始的?

病人:从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"

当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候,她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后,一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前,说道:“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”

5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路,他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民:“劳驾,您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他,然后说道:“你现在在你的车子里,先生。”

6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."

"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道,“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”,警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱,直到长官回来。“但是,警察,我,,,”。“我说过了保持安静,你要到监狱了。”几小时后,警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好,因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

父亲:哎,汤姆,今天我跟你们老师谈过,现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?汤姆:我不知道,爸爸。父亲:啊,不对,你知道!想想看,当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时,谁在课堂上坐着,只是看人家做功课?汤姆:我们老师,爸爸。

8、TwoBirds 两只鸟

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。老师:请说说看。学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

求双语笑话(双关语英语笑话)插图

双语笑话

双语笑话:有益的教训

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

Mr.Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often,but he never took his son,Tom,because he was too young.Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday,Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour,and then Mr.Thompson said to his son,"Now,Tom,I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much.And how do you know when you've had enough?Well,I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar?When they seem to have become four,you've had enough and should go home."

"But,Dad,"said Tom,"I can only see one light at the end of the bar."

有益的教训

在英国,十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。

汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒,但他从来不带他的儿子汤姆去,因为他年纪太小。后来,当汤姆年满十八岁的时候,汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时,而后,汤普森先生对他儿子说:“汤姆,现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢?好,我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗?当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候,你就喝够了,应该回家了。

“可是,爸爸。”汤姆说:“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。”

双语笑话:时间对猪有什么意义?

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What's time to a pig?"

一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的'草地上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说,"时间对猪有什么意义?"

双语笑话:校园幼齿们的两则笑话

1.Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2.The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

鱼网

你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。

双语笑话:The New Teacher 新老师

George comes from school on the first of September.

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。

妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。

双语笑话:一次物理考试

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lightening first, then hear the thunder rolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?

尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

双语幽默英语笑话

双语幽默英语笑话汇集

1、话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。

A神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大拇指道:「I AM 后羿!」

B神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM 丘比特!」

轮到C了,他也挽弓,利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

Note by Jodie: 此处用西班牙口音说Sorry肥更有趣

2、昨天来了个外国人,进到办公室,前台小姐左看右看,大家都在打游戏,只有自己比较清闲,就面带微笑的:"Hello?"

外国人:"Hi."

前台小姐:"You have what thing?"(你有什么事?)

外国人:"Can you speak English?"(你会讲英语吗)

前台小姐:"If I not speak English, I am speaking what?"(如果我不会说,那我现在说的什么)

外国人:"Can anybody else speak English? "(还有谁能讲英语吗)

前台小姐:"You yourself look. all people are playing,no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go."(你自己看看,所有人都在玩呢,都没空,你愿意等就等,不愿意就走你)

外国人:I want to ask about online shopping.(我想咨询下关于网上购物的事情)

前台小姐:Online shopping?is Use Internet shopping,You de understand?(网上购物?就是用上网购物,你的明白?)

外国人:。。。。。

前台小姐:you can baidu“top leader”!!你可以去百度“尚品领袖”

外国人:。。。。"Good heavens. anybody here can speak English?"(我的上帝,这儿有谁会说英语吗?) I want to speak to your head."(我想和你的领导谈谈)

前台小姐:"Head not zai.You tomorrow come."(头儿不在,你明天再来吧)

3、Bad news and good news 好消息和坏消息

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

一名艺术家问画廊老板,最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。

"I've got good news and bad news," owner replied.

“这有好消息和坏消息,”老板回答。

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品,他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。

When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.

我告诉他你的画会升值,他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed," What's the bad news?"

“真是太好了”,艺术家是喜形于色,“那坏消息是什么?”

With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."

带着关心的口吻,画廊老板回答,“买画的人是你的医生”。

4、女儿的来信

Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, my daughter is at the university.

She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary.

Her neighbor says you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank.

Joan和她的邻居在一起聊天,聊到各自的女儿;Joan说我女儿在上大学。她很聪明,你知道的。每次我们接到她的来信,我们都要查字典。

她的邻居说,你真幸运!每次我们接到我女儿的信,我们都要去银行。

5、A New Mum took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time.

一个年轻的妈妈头一回带着她的宝贝女儿到超市买东西,

She dressed her in pink from head to toe.

她把小宝贝从头到脚穿上粉红色的衣服。

At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.

在商场,她把小女孩放在购物车里,把买来的东西都推在孩子周围。

At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them.

在付款台前排队时,一个小男孩和他妈妈正好排在她们前面。

The child was crying and begging for some special treat.

那个小男孩在哭,看上去在向他妈要着什么东西,年轻的妈妈想,

He wants some candy or gumand his mother won't let him have any, she thought.

这个小孩一定是要糖果或是口香糖之类的玩意儿,而他妈妈又不给,所以才闹得这么厉害。

Then she heard his mother's reply.

然而就在这个时候,她听到男孩的妈妈一边回答说,

"No!"she said, looking in her direction.

“不行,”一边往她的方向看过来,

"You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one"

“你今天不能买一个小妹妹了,那位女士把最后一个买走了!”

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3. 英语幽默笑话

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5. 超级经典英语笑话

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8. 英语幽默笑话大全

9. 英语的幽默小笑话

10. 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全

6、Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。

妈妈:今晚停电了。

迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

7、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的`老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

8、Teacher: Here are two bird,one is a swallow,the other is a sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point out but i know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallowis beside the sparrow,and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只小鸟

老师:这里有两只小鸟,一只是燕子,另一只是麻雀,谁能告诉我们哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我不会分辨但我知道答案。

老师:那请你告诉我们。

学生:燕子旁边的是麻雀,麻雀旁边的是燕子。

9、A dog can play the piano 会弹钢琴的狗

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"

The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"

The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink onthe house!"

So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.

Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.

Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.

The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"

The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

一个人带着他的狗走进一家酒吧。

酒吧服务生对他说,“这里不能带狗进来,请离开吧!”

那个人对服务生说,“这可不是一般的狗,它可是会弹钢琴的!”

服务生回答说,“呃,如果它真的能弹钢琴,你们可以免费在这喝上一杯!”

那个人把狗放到了弹钢琴坐的凳子上面,狗就开始了演奏,先是拉格泰姆音乐、接着弹莫扎特还有其它的… …服务生和顾客们都非常欣赏它的弹奏。

突然,一只体型更大的狗跑了进来,一把抓住小狗的脖子就把它拽出去了。

酒吧服务生问那个人,“那是怎么回事?”

那人回答,“噢,那是它妈妈。她不想它儿子玩音乐,而是做一名医生。”

10、Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师:如果莎士比亚还活着,他会是一名伟人吗?

学生:当然。因为到目前为止,还没有人活到400多岁。

11、Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生:服务员,我的汤里有一只死苍蝇.

服务员:是的,先生,我知道了,它是被烫死的.

12、Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?

Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

儿子:爸爸,给我一角钱。

父亲:儿子,你不认为你已经长大了,不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了),不是吗?

儿子:爸爸,我想你是对的,那给我一块钱行吗?

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8. 英语幽默笑话大全

9. 英语的幽默小笑话

10. 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全

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英文笑话小短文

笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头 故事 。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。 下面是我带来的经典 英语笑话 阅读,欢迎阅读!

经典英语笑话阅读篇一

泡泡温泉(双语阅读)

a:tom,look at your shoes.how dirty they are! you must clear hem.

汤姆,看看你的鞋子,多脏呀,你必须洗一洗了。

b:oh.mother,but i cleaned them only yesterday.

噢,妈妈,可我昨天才洗过的。

a:but they are dirty now.you must clean them again.

可现在它们又脏了,你再洗一次吧。

b:i don't want to clean them today. even if i clean them today,they will be dirty again tomorrow.

我今天不想洗,我即使今天把鞋洗了,明天还会脏的。

a:ok,don't clean them then.

好吧,那就别洗了。

(ln the evening tom came back from school.he was very hungry.

晚上汤姆放学回到家,他非常饿。)

经典英语笑话阅读篇二

喂养宠物(双语阅读)

Birds in their little nests agree.

鸟在巢中不相争。

A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den. while an ojd lady passing by.

一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡,正在这时,一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。

A:Sonny.you shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLer.He will get sick and die.

小家伙,你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡,他会生病,甚至会死。

(The child go on with his job.barely liatening to her.Two houra Wer,the lacjy was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cring.with the dead kitten lying beaide him.

可是,小男孩继续给小猫洗澡,几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后,那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣,小猫躺在他的身旁,死了。)

B:Didn't I tell you .sonny.that the kitty would die if you wa.shed him in the cold water?

小家伙,我不是告诉休了吗?如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡,他会死的。

A:But Auntie. he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng him dry.

可是,阿姨,他不是因为我给它洗澡死的,当我把他拧于时,他就死了。

经典英语笑话阅读篇三

戒除烟瘾(双语阅读)

Health is not valued till sickness comes.

生病才知健康好。

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案,他去找他的律师。

A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

如果我输了这场官司,我就完了。

B:It's in the judge's hand now.

这事掌握在法官的手上。

A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

如果我给法官送一箱雪茄,会不会起点作用?

B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

哦.不会的!这位法官很固执,非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见,他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上,你甚至都不用对他微笑。

With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

最后,法官作了一个有利于被告的判决,当被告离开法院时。

A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告,这很多管用。

B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

如果你送了的话,我肯定休会输掉这场官司。

A:But did send them.

但是我的确送了。

B:What? You did?!

什么?你送了?!

A:Yes.That's how we won the case.

对,这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

B:I don't understand

我不明白。

A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.

这很简单,我把雪茄送到了{去官那里,但是附上了原告的一张名片。

双语小笑话 3:00 in the morning

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

"God loves drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out

into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

一个男人和他的妻子半夜3点时被一阵敲门声吵醒。这个男人爬起来,来到门口发现是一个陌生的醉汉,站在瓢泼大雨中,请求帮他一把。(Asking for a push)“没门!”这个男人说:“现在是凌晨3点!”说完把门一摔,又回到床上睡觉了。“刚才是谁呀?”他的妻子问道。“只是个醉汉,想让我吧。”他回答说。“那你帮他了吗?”她又问。“没有,现在是夜里3点钟,外面又下着瓢泼大雨。”“噢,你的记忆可真短暂。”他的妻子说:“难道你忘了三个月前我们遭遇了事故,有两个好心人帮助了我们?我认为你应该帮助他,并且你应该为自己感到羞耻!你知道上帝同样关爱喝醉了的人。”听了妻子的话,这个男人穿好衣服,来到门外的大雨中。他向黑暗中喊道:“喂,你还在吗?”“是的”醉汉回答到。“你还需要push吗?”这个男人喊道。“是的,需要!”醉汉在黑暗中回答到。“那你在哪里呢?”这个男人问。“我就在这个秋千上。”醉汉回答道。

(敢情真的是要别人push他一把呀。)

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