笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

睡前笑话英文(睡前幽默笑话)

本文目录一览:

少儿英语睡前小故事参考五篇

儿童 睡前 故事 是指在儿童睡觉之前由父母亲自讲给孩子的故事,内容根据宝宝的 兴趣 爱好 选择,目的在于哄孩子睡觉坦橘,并且对孩子进行 教育 和引导,有助于培养孩子的阅读情趣,切有助于提高孩子的学习成绩。下面是我为大家带来的少儿英语睡前小故事参考五篇,希望大家能够喜欢!

更多“睡前故事”方面的相关内容推荐↓↓↓

★★ 睡前公主童话故事 ★★

★早信李★ 睡前故事哄小孩睡觉的 ★★

★★ 温馨儿童睡前故事5则 ★★

★★ 经典睡前故事文字版 ★★

★★ 睡前故事幼儿故事简短版 ★★

少儿英语睡前小故事1

Qiang Qiang learns to play

Qiang Qiang likes playing badminton very much, so his father bought a pair of badminton rackets for Qiang Qiang. Qiang Qiang is very happy, but the next question is, Qiang Qiang can't play badminton. What can I do?

Dad said to Qiang Qiang, "it doesn't matter. We can learn how to play!"

Qiang Qiang learned badminton like his father, but he couldn't play well. He fell down several times. He cried in pain. Qiang Qiang threw away his racket angrily and said, "hum! I won't learn."

Then he threw the badminton aside. His father came up to comfort Qiangqiang and said, "if you encounter a little difficulty, give up. You will never learn. In the face of difficulties, you can succeed!"

After listening to his father's words, Qiang Qiang nodded and studied badminton hard. Although he still couldn't play well, Qiang Qiang always studied hard and finally learned badminton.

Later, in the badminton competition organized by the class, Qiang Qiang also won the championship!

强强学打球

强强很喜欢打 羽毛球 ,所以爸爸就给强强买了一副羽毛球拍,强强高兴极了,可接下来的问题是,强强不会打羽毛球呀,这可咋办?

爸爸对强强说:“没关系,我们可以来学怎样打啊!”

强强照着爸爸的样子陆迟学起了羽毛球,可是总打不好,有几次还摔倒了,疼的强强直流眼泪,强强生气的扔掉球拍,说:“哼!我不学了。”

说着把羽毛球扔到了一边,爸爸上前安慰强强说:“遇到一点困难就放弃,你永远都学不会,面对困难,迎难而上,才能成功啊!”

强强听了爸爸的话,点了点头,努力的学习羽毛球,虽然还是打不好,但强强一直认真学,最后终于学会了羽毛球。

后来,在班级组织的羽毛球比赛中,强强还获得了冠军呢!

少儿英语睡前小故事2

Cheated Maomao

"Jingling!" school is over!

Maomao picked up his schoolbag, hummed and walked to the school gate. His mother will pick him up later.

Maomao waited left and right, and neither did his parents,

"Maybe mom has to work overtime, or there's a traffic jam on the road, wait!" Maomao thought.

At this time, a man came to me. He walked up to Maomao with a smile and said, "Hello, Maomao!"

Maomao glanced at him and said, "who are you?"

He said, "I'm your mother's colleague. Just call me uncle Yang! Your mother asked me to pick you up."

Maomao nodded and believed him,

He was about to take Maomao to the car when the police uncle came and arrested the so-called "Uncle Yang".

It turned out that the liar had been followed by the police uncle for many days. This time, thanks to the police uncle!

The police uncle said to Maomao, "children, don't believe what strangers say in the future, otherwise it will cause very serious consequences!" Maomao nodded in fear.

被骗的毛毛

“叮铃铃!”放学啦!

毛毛背起小书包,一边哼着歌一边走向学校门口,妈妈等会儿会来接他的。

毛毛左等右等,爸爸妈妈也没来,

“说不定妈妈要加班,或者是路上堵车了,再等等吧!”毛毛想。

这时候,迎面走过来一个人,只见他笑嘻嘻的走到毛毛的面前说:“你好啊毛毛!”

毛毛看了一眼他说:“你是谁啊?”

他说:“我是你妈妈的同事,你就叫我杨叔叔吧!是你妈妈让我来接你的。”

毛毛点点头,相信了他的话,

他正打算把毛毛带上车,这时候,警察叔叔来了,还把这个所谓的“杨叔叔”给逮捕了。

原来这个骗子已经被警察叔叔跟踪了很多天,这次幸亏警察叔叔呀!

警察叔叔对毛毛说:“小朋友,以后可千万不要相信陌生人的话,不然会造成非常严重的后果呀!”毛毛后怕的点了点头。

少儿英语睡前小故事3

The quarrel between Pangniu and Miaomiao

Pangniu and Miao Miao were good friends, but you see, today, they quarreled. Let's hear what happened!

Fat girl said proudly, "I love working best. I'll help my mother sweep the floor!"

Miao Miao on one side was unconvinced: "hum! I love labor most! I can not only sweep the floor, but also wash the dishes! Can you?"

Fat girl didn't show weakness: "come on! I love labor most! Who doesn't know you're the laziest!" fat girl laughed.

Miao Miao was so anxious that he immediately explained, "no! You are greedy. You can't walk when you see food. You still work?" Miao Miao also laughed at Pangniu

Just as they were quarrelling, grandma Yang came.

"Pangniu and Miaomiao, you have great skills! They all have their own advantages. Pangniu is the best at sweeping the floor and Miaomiao is the best at washing dishes! You are all good children who love work!"

Pangniu and Miao Miao smiled happily.

胖妞和苗苗的争吵

胖妞和苗苗本来是好朋友,可是你瞧,今天呀,她们却争吵起来了。我们来听听发生什么事情了吧!

胖妞得意地说:“我最爱劳动,我会帮妈妈扫地呢!”

一旁的苗苗可不服气了:“哼!我才最爱劳动呢!我不仅会扫地还会洗碗呢!你会吗?”

胖妞也不示弱:“得了吧!还最爱劳动呢!谁不知道你最懒了!”胖妞笑话起苗苗来。

苗苗一听可急了,马上辩解道:“才不是呢!你呀,最贪吃了,一看到吃的就走不动路了,还劳动呢?”苗苗也笑话胖妞……

正当她们吵得不可开交的时候,杨奶奶来了。

“胖妞、苗苗,你们的本领都很大!都有自己的优点,扫地最厉害的是胖妞,洗碗最厉害的当然是苗苗喽!你们都是爱劳动的好孩子!”

胖妞和苗苗听了,高兴的笑了。

少儿英语睡前小故事4

[treat teeth with bears]

In the animal Town, there is a good bear clinic, which specializes in treating the teeth of small animals.

One day, a patient came to the good bear clinic.

"Hello, Mr. mouse. I'm glad to serve you. What's wrong with your teeth?"

The vole covered his mouth and said, "I can't eat.

"Is the tooth broken? Let me have a look." the good bear took a flashlight and opened the mouse's mouth to check.

The mouse pushed away the bear: "on the contrary, my teeth are growing well. The longer my teeth are, the longer they are. I can't close my mouth. I can't eat now."

"Oh? This disease is very rare. I haven't encountered it in ten years as a dentist. Let me check it on the Internet." haoxiong immediately turned on the computer.

"Ha ha, I've found a cure for your teeth. I'll give you three prescriptions, and you can choose one." he said, and the good bear immediately wrote the prescription.

"Prescription 1: solve it at one time and simply pull it out. Prescription 2: I saw your teeth once a week and cut off the excessively long teeth. Prescription 3: 900 old corn stalks. Chew 10 stalks three times a day. Take the medicine once a month for lifelong treatment. It is strictly prohibited to bite other people's furniture and books after taking the medicine!"

"Ah! Tooth extraction? Tooth sawing? I feel very painful, and how can I eat without teeth? I'm going to starve to death. It sounds like I'd better choose the third option," said the mouse.

A week later, two weeks later, three weeks later, the mouse's teeth got better again, yeah!

【好好熊治牙】

在动物小镇上,有家好好熊诊所,专门为小动物们治牙。

有一天好好熊诊所来了一位病人。

“你好,鼠先生,很高兴为你服务,你的牙齿出了什么问题吗?”

田鼠捂着嘴巴说:“我吃不下饭。

“牙坏了吗?让我看看。”好好熊一边拿着手电筒照着,一边扳开鼠的口查看。

鼠推开了好好熊:“正相反,我的牙长势良好,牙齿越长越长,撑得嘴巴合不拢,现在都没法吃东西了。”

“哦?这个病很罕见啊,我做了十年牙医都没有遇到过,让我上网查查吧。”好好熊马上打开了电脑。

“哈哈,我找到了,你的牙齿有治疗的 方法 了。我给你开三个处方,你任选一个吧。”说着,好好熊马上开起了处方。

“处方一:一次性解决,干脆拔掉。处方二:每周我为你锯一次牙,把过长的牙锯掉。处方三,老玉米杆900根。每日啃三次,每次啃10根儿。每月取药一次,终身治疗。用药后严禁咬别人家的家具、书本!”

“啊!拔牙?做锯牙?感觉会很痛,而且没有了牙齿我怎么吃饭岂不是要饿死。听起来我还是选择第三个方案吧”老鼠说。

一周后,两周后,三周后,老鼠的牙齿又变好了,耶!

少儿英语睡前小故事5

[kittens don't like cleaning]

Once upon a time, there was a clever kitten. It was very beautiful, but it didn't like cleaning. Kittens have smart eyes and can see everything around them. Mom and Dad love kittens very much. Every time the kitten finished the game with the children, she didn't wash her hands. She ate and ate immediately when she got home. No matter what dirty things the kitten took it and ate it. Mom and dad said, "kitten, you have to talk about hygiene, you know?" but the kitten turned a deaf ear and didn't even listen to a word.

Once, the kitten asked his friends out to play and accidentally fell into a black ditch. A friend asked him to take a bath at home, but the kitten said, "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, I'll take a bath at home." on the way home, the kitten saw others eating delicious food, and he paid for it. As soon as the kitten got home, without saying a word, it began to eat again.

Because the kitten didn't like cleaning, friends began to ignore it and don't play with it. The kitten is very unhappy. Finally one day, because the kitten ate and drank indiscriminately, he ate badly and became ill. The kitten felt ashamed. She cried and told her mother, "Mom, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Let you worry about me. I'll love cleaning in the future." her mother took good care of it every day, fed the kitten, and the kitten lying in bed gradually got better.

After this lesson, kittens love cleaning. The kitten combs her hair, arranges her schoolbag and goes to school every day. Now friends play with kittens. Accompanied by her father, mother and friends, the kitten lived happily every day.

【小猫不爱清洁】

从前,有一只聪明的小猫,它很漂亮,但是它很不爱清洁。小猫有一双伶俐的眼睛,可以看出四周任何的东西。爸爸妈妈很疼爱小猫。小猫每一次和小朋友们做完游戏,都不洗手,马上到家就吃饭、食物。小猫不管什么脏东西,拿到手里就吃下去了。爸爸妈妈说:“小猫呀,你要讲卫生知道吗?”但小猫却当作耳边风,连一句话都没有听进去。

有一次,小猫约朋友们出去玩,不小心掉进一个黑沟里。朋友让它回家洗个澡,小猫却说:“没关系,没关系,我回家会去洗的。”在回家的路上,小猫又看见别人在吃好吃的食物,它又掏钱去买着吃。小猫一到家,二话没说,它又开始吃饭了。

因为小猫太不爱清洁了,朋友们开始不再理它,也不跟它玩了。小猫很不高兴。终于有一天,因为小猫乱吃乱喝,吃坏了肚子,生病了。小猫感到惭愧,它哭着告诉妈妈:“妈妈对不起,都是我的错,让你为我操心了,我以后一定会爱清洁的。”妈妈每天细心地照顾它,给小猫喂饭,躺在床上的小猫渐渐地好起来了。

经过这一次的教训,小猫很爱清洁了。小猫每天梳好头发,整理好书包,去上学。现在朋友们也跟小猫玩了。小猫爸爸、妈妈和朋友的陪伴下,高高兴兴过着每一天。

少儿英语睡前小故事参考五篇相关 文章 :

★ 少儿英语睡前小故事60字五篇

★ 少儿英语小故事五篇

★ 儿童英语小故事最新5篇

★ 儿童英语小故事5篇

★ 儿童英语小故事5篇

★ 儿童英语小故事汇总5篇

★ 儿童英文故事合集5篇

★ 儿童英文故事汇总5篇

★ 儿童英语睡前小故事短篇

★ 儿童英语睡前小故事推荐

var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = ""; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();

少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译六篇

【篇一】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

父亲梁启、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前,我们到处转了转,碰到许多穿着整齐制 服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道,如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员,问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说:“我们想让儿子知道燃羡他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

【篇二】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from knowing she is home alone.

One evening when I was working late,my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignored it, but the knocking continued. Frantic,she began to bark, softly at first,then louder and louder. Much to her relief, the knocking soon stopped.

The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect."I came by last night," he told me," but I left when your wife barked at me!"

我妻子为了不让别人知道她一个人在家,真是无所不用其极。

一橡段如天晚上,我加班到很晚,我妻子一个人在家听到敲门声,起初并没有理会,那人就不停地敲。我妻子烦了,就学狗叫,刚开始叫的很小声,后来声音越来越大。令她欣慰的是,敲门声终于停下来了。

【篇三】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

园艺手套

几个月以来,我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指,因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天,我正在干园艺活时,丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说:“嗯,你肯定看到了,我的两手都是光光的。”

那天晚上,我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看:里面包着一双园艺手套。

【篇四】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

The hare and the tortoise

The hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals. "I have never been beaten," he said, "when I run at full speed, no one is faster than me."

The tortoise said quietly, "I will race with you." "That is a good joke," said the hare. "I could dance around you the whole way."

The race started. The hare darted almost out of sight at once. He soon stopped and lay down to have a nap.

The tortoise plodded on and on. When the hare awoke from his nap, he saw the tortoise was near the finish line, and that he had lost the race.

兔子向动物们夸耀他的速度,“我从来没有失败过,”他说,“当我奔跑时,没有人比我更快。”

乌龟平静地说:“我要与你比赛。”“真是笑话,我可以边玩边和你赛跑。”兔子说。

比赛开始了,一眨眼工夫,兔子已经跑得不见了踪影,但是他觉得自己跑得快,对比赛掉以轻心,躺在路边睡着了。

【篇五】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

Once there was a boy who lived on a farm. Every day he had to take his father’s sheep to a hill.

One day he tried to play a trick on the other people. He said to himself. I will call “wolf. wolf.” then everyone come to help me. It will be fun when they find out there is no wolf after all.

So he cried: “wolf .wolf.” and everyone ran to help him.

When they came he just said: “there is no wolf. It was only a joke.”

He did this three times.

Then one day a wolf really came.

“Help! Help! The wolf is here.” called the boy.

But everyone said: “No you know that there is no wolf. He is just calling us for fun. There is no danger.”

So they did not go to help the boy. The wolf killed all the sheep then.

从前,有一个住在农场里的孩子。每天,他都要带他父亲的羊到山上去放。

一天,他想对其他人开一次玩笑。他自言自语说道:“我要叫“狼呀!狼呀!”那么,人人都会来帮我的了。如果,他们发现根本没有狼,那么多有趣呀!”

因此他叫道:“狼呀!狼呀!”每个人都跑去帮助他。

当他们来到的时候,他只是说:“这里没有狼,这只是一个玩笑。”

他这样做了三次。

然后,有一天,一只狼真的来了。

“救命!救命!狼来了!”男孩子叫道.

但人人都说:“我们知道那儿没有狼。他只不过是因为好玩而叫我们。那里没有危险的。”

于是,他们没有去帮助那个男孩子。狼便把所有的羊都咬死了。

【篇六】少儿英语睡前小故事带翻译

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生,开学几个星期之后,我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话,“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时,他的房间凌乱不堪,我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来,是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?“,他回答说,“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”

求三个英语笑话!!!

I'll See to the Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.

"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."

其余的事由我负责

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动,这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边,跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点,小姐!”他喊道:“请把门关上。”

“噢,我还野衫镇没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了,”列车员说:“其余的事由我负责。”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得颂粗很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天塌慎早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”

A Smugglar

The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

走私犯

一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境,哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时,惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

“里面装的是什么?”他问道。

“土。”司机回答。

“把袋子拿出来”,哨兵命令道:“我要检查。”

那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实,口袋里除了土以外,别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

一周后,那人又来了,哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

“这次袋子里装的是什么?”他问道。

“土,又运了一些土。”那人回答。

哨兵不相信,对那些袋子又进行了检查,结果发现,除了土以外,仍旧一无所获。

同样的事情每周重演一次,一共持续了六个月。最后,哨兵被弄得灰心丧气,干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里,那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧,下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说,“我说,老兄,你要是能帮我一个忙,今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我,那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”

那人俯身过来,凑近侍者的耳朵,裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说:“汽车。”

Skunk

"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."

Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.

"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"

臭 鼬

“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”

“弄一些面包屑,”调度员说,“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

一段时间后,那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问。

“没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”

Patience

Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself?

Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.

耐 性

垂钓者:你已经盯着看了三个小时了,你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢?

旁观者:我没那耐性。

Bedtime Prayers

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

睡前祷告词

朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝,求求你,”她说,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

妈妈打断她的话说:“朱莉叶,为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”

朱莉叶回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”

Things Have Been Okay

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

一切都正常

一对年轻夫妇有个儿子,已经四岁了,还没有开品说话,他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治,但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时,那孩子突然开口了:“妈妈,面包烤焦了。”

“你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?”

“哦,在这之前,”那男孩说,“一切都很正常。”

That's Why

Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money."

Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.

"That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!"

One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?"

"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."

原来如此

吉米三岁开始画画,五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画,人们出高价购买。他们说,“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名,我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。”

吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸,而另一半他总空着。

“构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说,“从来没有人这么做过。”

有一天,一个人买了吉米的画,然后问他:“请告诉我,吉米,你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画,而不是在纸的上半部分?”

吉米说,“因为我个头小,够不着上面。”

A Trip to Disney

On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Good-by, Mickey."

Our daughter waved and said, "Good-by, Minnie."

My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Good-by, Money."

迪斯尼之族

弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游,我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后,我们要回家了。

当我们驱车离开时,儿子挥手说:“再见,美奇。”

女儿挥着手说,“再见,美妮。”

丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手,说道:“再见,美元。”

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

势均力敌

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠,所以她冲出屋子,搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿,她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她:“放点奶酪在里面,很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里,但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去,因为已经很晚了。于是,她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

令人称奇的是,这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上,这位女士下楼到厨房时,发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!

Prepare Yourself

A story around campus:a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."

Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."

自己做好准备

校园里流传着这样的故事:一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报,上面写着:“妈妈-我所有功课都不及格,被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”

两天以后,他收到了回电:“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”

谁有英语小笑话?

美国一支著名的橄榄球队的教练因有严重的种族歧视

而帅位不稳,他决定用自己的方式来解决这个问题。

他把他的队员叫到一起,然后对他们说:

从现在开始,我们队中没有白人球员和仔铅黑人球员之分,

在我眼里只有绿人球员(队衣的颜色)。好了,现在

开始训练,浅绿色的队员站这边,深绿色的队员站那边,?!

秋天落叶

夫妇俩人一起去参观美术展览,当他们面对一张仅以几片

树叶遮掩羞部的裸体女像油画时,丈夫立刻张口失神地盯着

那幅画,呆上半晌仍不想走开。妻子狠狠地揪住丈夫,吼道:

“喂!你是想站到秋天,树叶落下才甘心吗?”

微软笑话

海滨浴场上,许多妙龄少女穿着微软的广告衫信步漫游。

只见广告衫的胸前印着“pentium inside"(奔腾的心),

短裤上印着“plus and play "(即插即用)。

回家之路

警察看见一个醉鬼摸着一个大木桶的边在绕圈子,

便说:“你怎么啦?”

“没事!我回家,这木头围栏的尽头就是我的家。”

挖洞

一个罪犯的妻子要求狱吏能给她丈夫一份稍微轻松些

的工作。

“他抱怨说他近来一直觉得很劳累。”她解释道。

“但是,他白天什么活也没干啊。”狱吏回答道。

“这我不知道,单他对我说他连续几个晚上都在掘一个墙洞呢。”

守法司机

交通警察看到一个司机在大街上吃力的推着汽车,就走过去问:“先生,是不是出了什么故障或者是没汽油了?”

“哦,不是这样的,只是因为刚才我发现忘记带驾驶执照了。”

宁死不招

加州的一个小镇发生了一宗银行抢案,抢匪才刚刚把钱藏握戚稿好,就被警长逮捕了。由於抢匪是从太平洋的那一边偷渡过来的,又不会讲英文,警长只好去请麦克阿$来当翻译。

经过一阵疲劳轰炸式的拷问,抢匪坚持不肯说出钱藏在那里。没办法,警长只好扮起黑脸,咆哮地叫麦克阿$告诉抢匪:“再不说,把他毙了!”麦克阿$忠实地把警长的意思传达出去。大概翻译得太好了,抢匪吓得语无伦次:“钱在镇中央的井里,求你叫他饶我一命。”

麦克阿$转过头来,神情凝重地告诉警长:“这小子有种,宁死不招。他叫你毙了他吧。”

另有说法

美国警方在确认嫌疑犯是否是犯罪时,常常让目击者进行一种例行的认人手续。警方为了使证人能够辨认出嫌疑犯的口音,规定每个被指认的嫌疑犯,都要说一句同样的话:“把所有的钱交出来,我需要一些零钱。”

一天,在美国某警察局,第一个和第二个嫌疑犯在这一程序中都按照警方的要求说了,到第三个嫌疑犯时他竟脱口而出:“我当时不是这么说的!”

谁是笨蛋

某天有两个有钱人在乡村俱乐部里闲话家常。其中一人对另一个人说:“嘿,我告诉你我的司机实在很笨,你不认为吗?你看看就知道。”他把他的司机吉米叫过来对他说:“这里有十元,到汽车展示区去给我买一辆Mercedes回来。”

吉米回答,“是,先生,我马上就去。”就跑去汽车展示区了。

有钱人对着他的朋友说:“看,我告诉你他很笨吧!”而另一个有钱人说:“那没什么,你要看笨蛋,我就给你看笨蛋。”

接着,他就叫他的司机比利过来,“比利,回家去看看我在不在家。”

而比利回答,“是,先生,我马上就去。”就跑回家了。

“看到了吧,他甚至不用脑子想想如果我在这里又怎么可能会在家呢!”

稍后,两个司机在街上相遇。吉米对比利说,“耶,你知道吗我老板实在是太笨了,他竟然给我10

元叫我去汽车展示区买一辆Mercedes给他,他不知道今天是星期日吗?汽车展示区根本没开!

比利回答,“你认为他笨吗?我老板比他笨多了!他竟然叫我回家看他有没有在家,他有行动电话,不

是吗,他不会自己打啊!!!”

不必担心

在游泳池旁,一个小孩问他妈妈,“妈咪,妈咪,我可不可以下去游泳?”

“亲爱的,当然不可以,水太深了。”

“可是爸爸不是在游泳吗?”

“你爸爸在保险啊,甜心。”

冰箱

一个马戏团大力士有个漂亮老婆,但他猜疑心很重。某人他认为老婆欺骗他,和别人勾搭。匆忙赶加家,他跑上四楼公寓,冲入卧室中,发现他老婆正忙着穿衣和整理凌乱的头发。床头旁两杯马丁尼酒杯和烟灰缸装

两支仍点燃的香烟更让他深信不疑。他开始在公寓的每个角落找他太太的情夫。

刚进入厨房他瞥见有个男人一边穿衣服,一边冲下街段孝去,大力士顺手抓了最近的一样东西,不巧的是那样东西正好是个电冰箱。他把冰箱由窗口砸下去,当场砸死了那个年轻人,可是他承受不了这样的打击心脏病发而死。第二天,有三个人在珍珠门前接受圣彼德审问。圣彼德问第一个人他是如何死亡的。“我来不及赴一个约会,赶着出门,突然有台冰箱砸在我头上。”“你呢?”圣彼德问那大力士。“大人,我正举起那台冰箱...”“够了,不用说了!”侍卫严厉斥责打断大力士的话“你老兄呢?”“圣彼德,”第三人答道:“我正躲在那个冰箱里面。”

我们干吧

美国太空总署正与将送往金星的人才面试。只有一个人能去而且可能无法再回地球了。

第一个应征者,一位工程师,被询问想得到多少报酬。“一百万”,他回答,“我要把钱捐给我的母校。”

下一个应征者,一位医生,也被问了同一个问题,他的要求是2百万。“我要留一百万给我的家人,一百万则作为医学上的研究基金。”

当第三个应征者被问到想要多少报酬时(一位英文老师),他小声的在面试者的耳边说,“三百万。”

“为什么比其他人多了这么多呢?”面试者问。这名教师回答,“如果你给我三百万,我给你一百万,自己留一百万,我们可以把工程师送到金星去。”

酒鬼聊天

两个爱尔兰人坐在一个酒吧间里喝酒。

其中一人问另外一个:”你是哪儿的人?”

另一个回答:”我目前在此地,都柏林,不过我生在科克郡。”

”不是开玩笑吧?我生在科克郡,

现在也在都柏林....咱们再来一杯吧!

你生在科克郡什么地方?”

另外一个答道:”我生在我妈的房子里,

门前有一条小河从萨克村南边流过。”

”上帝保佑”第一个人叫道:”你能相信吗?我也生在我妈的房子里,

也离萨克村不远。为了咱们的亲近,来,我们再干一杯。

那么你是在哪个学校上学呢?”

”我上学是在镇上的圣母受难学校。”另一个答道。

这时第一个人已经兴奋得不能自己,他大声叫了起来:”天啊,

太不可思议了,我也是在那家学校上的学,这个世界真是太小了。

老板,再给我们每个人来上一杯。”

这时,酒吧里的电话铃响了,老板接电话:”克兰酒吧....

噢,今天晚上没有什么新鲜事,就是奥哈拉家的那对双胞胎又喝多了。”

同病相怜

有二位美国中年人在纽约一小巷碰头

二个人都是迤着左脚一拐一拐慢慢走向前。

当他们面对面时,第一个中年人??着第二个中年人

看看他的左脚,然后用一种同病相怜的脸神,

指着他自己 的左脚,长憾道:『朋友,越南,一九六九。』

第二个中年人举起右手指向身后答道:『朋友,香蕉皮, 后面二十尺!』

发明

意大利人对犹太人说:“我们在古罗马的底下发现了电缆,说明了我们祖先就发明

了电话通迅。”

犹太人:“那你知道在耶路撒冷发现了什么吗?”

意大利人:“什么?”犹太人:“什么也没发现。”

意大利人:“啊!?”犹太人:“那说明了我们的祖先已经发明了无线电。”

窃听

一夫妻下榻水门饭店. 晚间入睡前, MM忽想起一事, 夫君: 这里是水门饭店耶,

要是房间里 有窃听器... 俺俩的话会被外人听到的, 那多不好意思呀! 先生马

上领会精神四处寻找, 终 于在床下找到一按键大小的金属物于是用力拧下扔掉.

次日, 服务生送早餐. 二位昨晚休息的好吗? 很好,俺们喜欢这里的一切. 那就

好, 唉,你们楼下的那对可真倒霉, 听说昨晚天花板上的吊灯掉了...

在下面

士兵狄克提着一瓶酒回宿营地时,不巧碰上了严厉的连长。他只好撒谎说:

“这瓶酒是我和上校合买的。一半属于上校。” 连长申斥道:“把另一半

给我倒掉!” 狄克慢腾腾地说:“没法倒。我的一半在下边。”

笨贼一箩筐

肯德基∶有两个人把铁链绑在自动提款机的前面令一端绑著拖车的保险杆想把

提款机的壳扯掉。结果扯掉的不是提款机的外壳,反而是拖车的保险杆。非常

惶恐的,他们开著拖车逃离现场。而链子还著提款机。保险杆还绑著链子,车

子的牌照还挂在保险杆上。 一个人到药房去,拿出枪,宣称抢劫,然后拿出了

一个大袋子套在 头上--然后他发现他忘了在袋子上打眼睛的洞了。 警察问一

个被当场抓住的小偷:“为什么你偏要到这家商店偷东西?” 小偷回答说:

“因为这家商店离我的住处很近。你知道,目前社会上非常乱, 我不敢过久地

离开自己的家。”

猜硬币

罗克对朋友说:“我真不知道医院是怎么回事。我住进医院后,一个医生说我是

阑尾炎, 另一个却说我是胆结石。” “结果怎样?”朋友问。 “他们争论不休,

互不相让。结果猜硬币裁决,最后割了我的扁桃腺。”

耳光付账

摩洛科在饭店里吃了一顿美味的午饭,需付一卢布,可他连一个

戈比也没有,于是他问店老板:“请告诉我,在此地,如果有人打了

别人的一记耳光,官司打到法院,他会被罚多少钱?”

“我想,五个卢布吧!”

“好吧,”摩洛科说,“请您打我一记耳光,再给我剩下的四卢

布找头吧!”

忏悔

某人(到教堂〕:神父,我。。。我有罪。。。

神父:说吧,我的孩子,有什么事?

某人:二站时,我藏起了一个被纳粹追捕的犹太人。。。

神父:这是好事啊,为什么你觉得有罪呢?

某人:我把他藏在我家的地下室里。。。而且。。。而且,我

让他每天交我1500法郎租金。。。

神父:你就为这事忏悔?那。。。

某人:但是,我。。。我直到现在还没告诉他二战已经结束了!

腰带

越战时期 ,河内物资奇缺 ,向苏联求救 。

苏联电 :勒紧腰带 。

河内回电 :请给腰带 。

新命名法

有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:"dad,我的名字怎麽来的?"父亲

回答说:"我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来

命名的"像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain

像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是

我们族人命名的方式.

父亲顿了一下,然后回过头说:"对了,Dog-fucking,你刚刚问我什麽问题?"

可以吻我

到了家门口,杰西卡提醒她新结识的男朋友:“你现在可以吻我,但是随后

我得打你一个耳光,因为我爸爸正在窗口看着我们。”

结帐

一位顾客慢条斯里的在餐厅中用餐,然后他吃水果,抽香烟。 当侍者把帐

单送上时,他摸了摸囗袋,假装惊慌失措的说: 「糟糕,我的钱包不见了。」

侍者面无表情的问:「真的吗?」於是,他把这个男人带到门 囗,大声命

令他:「蹲下。」然后用力一脚,把他踢到门外。 这时,坐在另一张桌上

的一个顾客,自动的走到门囗,同样的 蹲下来,然后回头对侍者说:结帐。」

英语小笑话

1、How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

中文翻译

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。而且,他只会说几个英语单词。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果,为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字,而女人每天使用30000个。

妻子想了一会儿说,女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍,因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。

他问:"什么?"

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

男孩:这个座位是空的么?

女孩:是的,如果你坐下,我羡蠢槐的座位也将是空的。

4、

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

"汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"

"没事儿,妈妈," 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的兄友蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"

"他已经吃完自己的了么?"

"是的。" "我帮档烂他吃完时,他也哭了。"

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

路人甲对路人乙说,"猜猜我兜里有几个子儿?"

路人乙说:"我猜对了,你能给我一个不?"

路人甲说:"你要猜对了,我两个全部给你!"

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的区别

"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down."

一个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说:"我一眼就能看出来哪些是本科生,哪些是研究生。" "我说'下午好'的时候,本科生回答'下午好',而研究生则把这句话记在本子上。"

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month.

爸爸:告诉我汤姆,哪个月有28天呢?

汤姆:每个月都有啊!

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸,便去轻责他。

这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着,说:"博比,我小的时候,有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸,我的脸就会僵硬,永远都那么丑。"

博比抬头看了看老师,说:"史密斯小姐,你可别说没人警告过你啊。"

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。

当他和祖母聊天时,他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生,并把花生都给吃光了。

他们离开时,他的朋友对祖母说:"谢谢您的花生。"

结果祖母说:"唉!自从我牙齿掉光后,我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。"

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做对比。清水里虫子安然无恙,结果威士忌里的虫子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。

"所以,儿子啊,"父亲问道,"得出什么结论?"

"恩,这说明,你只要喝酒的话,肚里就不会长虫了!"

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

中文翻译:

一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

"大夫!"他说,"帮帮我!一个月前我吞了一分硬币!"

"天哪,"大夫说,"早干嘛去了?你当时怎么不来看?"

"实话告诉您吧,大夫,"穷人说,"我当时还不缺钱!"

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

男孩:嗨,我们之前是不是约会过,是一次还是两次,我忘记了。

女孩:应该只有一次吧,我从不犯两次同样的错误。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

"To be deaf," replied the boy.

"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

在一次音乐学院的入学考试中,老师问其中一个男孩:"音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么?"

"耳聋,"男孩答道。

"胡说!"老师气愤地说。

"怎么了,先生!难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子吗?"男孩轻蔑地反问道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里,伤心至极。

酒吧招待:"你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?"

男人:"我们吵了一架,她说一个月都不跟我说话。"

酒吧招待:"那你应该高兴才是啊!"

男人:"不,今天是这个月的最后一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

女人找了老公之前都在担忧未来。男人娶了老婆之前从来不为未来担忧。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

男人想要的东西,要是值1块钱却卖2块,他也会买;而对于女人,即使是不想要的东西,要是值2块钱却只卖1块,她也会买。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"

女生宿舍将全面禁止男生进入,男生宿舍也同样不得女生光临。

"不论是谁,一旦违规,初犯将被罚款20美元。再犯要被罚款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罚款。还有什么疑问么?"

这时人群中一个男同学问道,"那么一个季度通行证需要多少钱?"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.

男孩:我可以给你买杯饮料吗?

女孩:你不如直接把钱给我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

医生:听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人:应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

皮特:"我上次出去打猎,跌下了很高的悬崖,信不信由你,当我跌落的时候,我脑海里浮现了我做过的所有蠢事。"

鲍勃:"你一定是从万丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

2个男孩与祖父母一起过夜,他们跪在床边做睡前祷告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: "我祈求一辆自行车,一张新DVD……"

哥哥用肘轻推他: "你为什么大喊着祈祷?上帝又不聋。"

弟弟答道:"上帝是不聋,但是奶奶聋。"

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"

"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!" 希望对你有帮助

巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣,便开车上前,说:"靠边停车(套头衫)!"

"不," 她回答,"是一双袜子!"

英语笑话

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“仿弯他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩码虚子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "备模闷Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

---------

朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝,求求你,”她说,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

妈妈打断她的话说:“朱莉叶,为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”

朱莉叶回答道:“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”

睡前笑话英文(睡前幽默笑话)插图

赞(0)
未经允许不得转载:笑话哦 » 睡前笑话英文(睡前幽默笑话)

评论 抢沙发