笑话哦本文目录一览：
- 1、急需简单英语笑话
- 2、places的英语笑话？
- 3、为什么红虫的爸爸是木乃伊
- 4、搞笑木乃伊的电影
- 5、笑话英语小故事
急需简单英语笑话
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
Excuse for Speeding
Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.
〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.
〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃
超速的理由
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。
“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
A: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
B: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
A:猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？
B:猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
A:Which is the strongest creature in the world?
B: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
A:世界上最强壮的动物是什么?
B:蜗牛.因为它可以把自己的房子放在背上.
A: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
B: Keep him awake.
A:怎样才能不让梦游者梦游呢？
B:不让他睡觉.
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着?!
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
还有……
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
这个也挺好
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, thats what he did.
Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
places的英语笑话？
The assistant curator of the museum came to the head curator with a couple of problems.”Sir, the mummy is damp and getting moldy, and the white mouse in the maze exhibit has developed dry skin.”
博物馆馆长助理找到馆长反映了一个问题:“先生，木乃伊现已受潮开始发霉了，但在迷宫中展览的小白鼠的皮肤变得越来越干澡。”
The head, curator thought a minute，then advised, "Put your mummy where your mouse is.”
馆长听后，想了一会儿，说:“把木乃伊放到白鼠那儿去吧。”
为什么红虫的爸爸是木乃伊
这是一个普遍的笑话，没有什么特殊的原因。红虫的爸爸是木乃伊，只是为了调侃，做一个搞笑的比喻。
搞笑木乃伊的电影
《阿黛拉的非凡冒险》，又名：神鬼惊奇：古生物复活 / 神探阿黛拉 / 阿黛拉·布兰科塞克的非凡冒险 / 女侦探阿黛勒的冒险
制片国家/地区: 法国
导演：吕克贝松
上映时间: 2010-08-03 (中国大陆)
语言: 法语
剧情简介：1912年。为了拯救深陷重度昏迷的妹妹，聪明果敢的法国女记者阿黛拉·干白（露易丝·布尔昆 Louise Bourgoin 饰）上天入地，走遍世界寻找治病良药。她不顾出版商去秘鲁印加古果探险的要求，自顾自来到埃及寻找传说中法老名医的木乃伊。经过一番险象环生的对决，阿黛拉总算得到木乃伊，启程返乡。与此同时，位于巴黎的自然博物馆发生奇怪之事。一枚恐龙蛋突然孵化出一只翼手龙，当晚，翼手龙袭击了前警察局长的专车，该事件惊动全国上下，政府要求警方24小时内破案。即将复活的木乃伊，以及危险的翼手龙，阿黛拉即将迎来新的冒险……
本片根据雅克·塔蒂（Jacques Tardi）同名畅销漫画改编。
笑话英语小故事
下面是我整理的笑话英语小 故事 ，希望对大家有帮助。
笑话英语小故事：We are friends(我们是朋友)
Tommy is turtle. He has no daddy, no mummy and no friends.
Tommy 是一只乌龟。他没有爸爸、妈妈和朋友。
He is crying. A bird comes. She says: “I can fly. Let’s fly!”
他在哭。一只小鸟过来了。她说：“我会飞，让我们一起飞吧。”
Tommy says: “ no,no, I can’t fly!”
Tommy 说：“不，不，我不会飞。”
A rabbit comes. He says: “ I can jump. Let’s jump!”
一只兔子过来了。他说：“我会跳。让我们一起跳吧。”
Tommy says: “no, no. I can’t jump!”
Tommy说：“不，不。我不会跳。”
A monkey comes. He says:“I can climb the tree. Let’s climb the tree!”
一只猴子过来了。他说：“我会爬树。让我们一起爬树吧。”
Tommy says: “ no, no. I can’t climb the tree!”
Tommy说：“不，不。我不会爬树。”
A duck comes. He says: “I can swim. Let’s swim!”
一只鸭子过来了。他说:“我会 游泳 ，让我们一起游泳吧!”
Tommy smiles: “ we are friends!”
鸭子笑了：“我们是朋友!”
笑话英语小故事：Little mouse(小老鼠)
It’s a sunny day. A little mouse wants to go out and play.
这是一个晴朗的一天。一只小老鼠想要去外面玩
But he is afraid of the cat . so he peeks and peeks.
但是它害怕猫。 所以左看看右看看
He peeks to the left and peeks to the right.
它看了左边又看右边
Suddenly, the mummy mouse shouts.
突然，老鼠妈妈叫道：
“watch out! Watch out! The cat is here , the cat is here.”
“小心!小心! 猫在这里，猫在这里”
笑话英语小故事：The hart in the ox-stall
A hart was being pursued by some dogs. It ran into an ox-stall, and hid itself in a truss of hay. Only the tips of its horns could be seen.
Soon after the hunters came to the stable, and asked if anyone had seen the hart. The stable boys looked around, but could see nothing. So the hunters went away.
Later the master came in. He looked around, and saw that something unusual was there.
He pointed to the truss of hay, and asked, "What are those two strange things?" When the stable boys went to look, they discovered the hart.
牛栏里的雄鹿
●一只雄鹿被猎狗追赶得很急，跑进牛栏里，躲在一大堆干草里面，只有鹿角尖露在外面。
●猎人们很快来到牛栏，询问是否有人看到这头鹿。牧童们四处张望，什么也没有看到，于是猎人们走了。
●不久，主人回来了，他四处检查时，觉得有些异常。
●他指着那堆干草问：“那两个怪模怪样的东西是什么?”牧童们上前来翻寻，发现了那只鹿。
寓意: 在逃避一种危险时，不要忽视另一种危险。
笑话英语小故事：The eagle and the arrow
An eagle was flying in the sky. As soon as it saw a rabbit, it swooped down on its prey.
Suddenly it was hit by an arrow.
It fluttered slowly down to the earth, and blood was pouring from the wound.
When the eagle looked down, he found that the shaft of the arrow was feathered with one of its own plumes.“Alas!”it cried.“We often give our enemies the means for our own destruction.”
鹰和箭
●鹰在天空中飞翔，当他看见一只野兔时，就俯冲下来捕捉猎物。
●突然，有人一箭射中了它。
●鹰扇着翅膀降落在地面上。鲜血从伤口中喷涌而出。
●它低头看到箭尾竟是由一根它自己的羽毛制成的，就痛苦地说：“唉，我们总是给敌人提供毁灭我们自己的工具!”
寓意: 人们常常因自己的原因而受到伤害，那种痛苦更令人难受。
