笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

英语笑话200句(英语笑话短)

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经典幽默英语笑话8篇

下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ,欢迎大家阅读!

经典幽默英语笑话:The New Baby

Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.

Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.

One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,said Mr.Taylor.

Pat came into the room just then and said,What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,his mother answered.

It's no use,said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.

新生儿

泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩,名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。

帕特在别人家看见过婴儿,他不太喜欢他们,所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。

一天晚上,泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说:有了婴儿,我们的房子就太小,不够住了。

帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋,他问:你们在说什么?他的母亲回答说:我们在说我们现在得搬家,因为婴儿就要诞生了。

那没用,帕特绝望地说。他会跟我们到那儿去的。

经典幽默英语笑话:What Are The Two Words?

A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear, said the old lady,I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?

Why,sure,Granny,said the girl.What are the two words?

是哪两个词?

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的,老夫人说:我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’,另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?

噢,当然,奶奶。女孩说:是哪两个词?

经典幽默英语笑话:What's your name?

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together

Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.

Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?

The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.

你叫什么名字?

有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵,于是他开始 自我介绍 :我的名字叫Stone(石头),事实上,我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招,这样我们就能很好相处了。

接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点,让每个人都能听清楚。另外,不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。

每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时,这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫,当我问你问题的时候,要回答!我再问一遍,你的名字,士兵?

那个新兵很不高兴,但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机),长官。他紧张的说。

经典幽默英语笑话:No Problem

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.

No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.

没问题

一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问:有什么可以帮你吗?那个人解释说:我本来去做头发移植,但实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样,而且没有任何痛苦,我将付给你5000美元。

没问题,发型师说,然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

经典幽默英语笑话:

The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced,a hitch arose over the fee,and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted, the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact,the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.

What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.

That's it,replied Hogarth.

But,where are the Israelites?

They are all gone over.

Where are the Egyptians?

They're all drowned.

一天,有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久,酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现,完成这幅画后,他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后,那位主顾被请来看画。其实,这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。

这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海,是那次著名的航海。

这就是,霍迦斯回答说。

可是以色列人在哪儿?

他们都已经渡过去了。

埃及人在哪儿?

他们全都淹死了。

经典幽默英语笑话:人们什么时候说话最少?

Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

汤姆:男人们。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。

经典幽默英语笑话:我丈夫刚进来

The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table,their waiter suddenly rushed over.

在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇,他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时,服务员马上跑了过来。

“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

“夫人,您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

“不,他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”

经典幽默英语笑话:有两条裤子

A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

丈夫下班回到家里,发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了,”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”

“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

“没事儿,”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”

“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

“是的,”妻子高兴地说,“幸亏你还有一条,我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”

英语笑话200句(英语笑话短)插图

急需:英语小笑话,简单短小,而且超级爆笑!谢了。

1.Is it a boy or a girl

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

翻译:是男孩还是女孩?

A:看看那个留短发和蓝色牛仔裤的年轻人。是男孩还是女孩?

B:是个女孩。她是我的女儿。

A:哦,对不起,先生。我不知道你是她的父亲。

B:我不是。我是她的妈妈。

2.Pretty ugly

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..

翻译:非常丑陋的

玛丽:约翰说我很漂亮。安迪说我很丑。你觉得怎么样,彼得?

彼得:我觉得你很丑。

3.Silent fart

A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem.

"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"

The doctor replies:

"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."

翻译:沉默的屁:沉默的屁

一个人走进医生的办公室,遇到了一个严重的问题。

“医生,我在无声气体排放方面有问题。在家里,工作,甚至在教堂,我放出无数的无声屁,无论我走到哪里!事实上,我坐在这里和你谈过三次。我们该怎么办?”

医生回答说:

“我们要做的第一件事就是检查你的听力。”

3.Pay tax with a smile

A: I hate paying my income tax.

B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?

A: I'd like to but they insist on money!

翻译:A:我讨厌付所得税。

B:你应该是个好公民——你为什么不微笑着付钱呢?

A:我很愿意,但是他们坚持要钱!

4.Take his place

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

翻译:代替他:取代他的位置

午夜过后,一位律师打电话给州长,坚持要他跟他谈一件非常紧急的事情。一个助手最终同意唤醒州长。

“那么,这是什么呢?”州长抱怨道。

“Garber法官刚刚去世,”律师说,“我想接替他的位置。”

州长回答说:“好吧,如果殡仪馆还好的话,我就可以了。”

5.I'm Sick

One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital.

Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.

Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.

翻译:我生病了

一天,哈米德感到很不舒服,他去了医院。

护士:哈米德,医生来见你。

哈米德:告诉他,我看不见他。我病了。

向姑姑道歉

爸爸:“儿子,你怎么称呼你的阿姨傻?”去跟她说声对不起。”

儿子:(走到姨妈跟前)“阿姨,对不起你是个笨蛋。”

6.Say sorry to aunt

Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."

Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."

6.Undying love

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes, dear.

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love.

翻译:永恒的爱:永恒的爱

女孩:你爱我吗?

男孩:是的,亲爱的。

女孩:你愿意为我而死吗?

男孩:不,我的爱是永恒的

扩展资料:

look at看; 审视; 评判; 接受

young person(14-17岁的)未成年人; 少年

short hair短头发

blue jeans蓝色斜纹布裤子,牛仔裤

do you你愿意吗

fart讳放屁; 讨厌的人; 令人厌烦的人; 蠢人

walks步态( walk的名词复数 ); 人行道; 步行的路径; 走,步行,散步( walk的第三人称单数 ); 出现; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行

'vehave 的缩略形式

At home在家; 在国内; 在家接待客人; 精通

and even乃至

英语搞笑笑话8篇

下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑笑话:Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。

一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。

你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

英语搞笑笑话: Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”

英语搞笑笑话:I've Just Bitten My Tongue

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

英语搞笑笑话:我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。

而且,他只会说几个 英语单词 。"

法官看了看被告,问道:"你会说多少英文?"

被告抬起头,说:"把你的钱包给我!"

英语搞笑笑话:He Won 他赢了

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

英语搞笑笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

英语搞笑笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。

一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

英语搞笑笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会 游泳 ,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

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