笑话哦本文目录一览：
- 1、求一段英文的冷笑话
- 2、英文冷笑话
- 3、经典英语冷笑话12篇
- 4、急求英语冷笑话！！！！！！！
求一段英文的冷笑话
Police: When can it be that the thieves broke into your house?Owner: How could I know as my watch was stolen? 警察：你估计小偷是什么时候进入你家的？失主：我的手表都被偷走了，我怎么知道是什么时候？ Psychiatrist: What's your problem?Patient: I think I'm a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg! 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？病人：我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 We have got a new dog, would you like to come around and play with him?
Well, I don't know. Does he bite?
That's what I want to find out.
我们又得到了一只新狗，你要过来和他玩玩吗？
哦， 我不知道。他咬人吗？
这正是我想要知道的。
英文冷笑话
1.Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师:谁能回答我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?
老师:谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I'm going home now.
男孩:我!我现在要回家了。
2.What dog can jump higher than a building?
什么狗比大楼跳的还高?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。
3.What has a head, a tail, and no body?
什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体?
A coin!
硬币!
经典英语冷笑话12篇
下面是我整理的经典英语冷笑话12篇，以供大家学习参考。
经典英语冷笑话：小心有狗!
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
经典英语冷笑话：在天堂结婚
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问：“如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她，回答说：“夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”
经典英语冷笑话：点名
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”
经典英语冷笑话：最希望得到的签名
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是：“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样，大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生，他说：“在我 毕业 证上签字的那个人。”
经典英语冷笑话：动机
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道：“我妈妈。”
经典英语冷笑话：班级、情人和蠢驴
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。
经典英语冷笑话：智力缺陷
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯，你可以这样问，‘库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的回答道，“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多。”
经典英语冷笑话：开卷考试
On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.
我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天，听说书店在回购我们的工商管理课本。考试前，我们几个赶忙跑到书店把书卖了，随后，我们坐在教室里等着考试。这时候教授宣布：考虑到试题的难度，今天的考试我们决定开卷。
经典英语冷笑话：机长的录音
This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.
这是你们机长的声音。请允许我代表全体工作人员，欢迎你们乘坐英国航空公司602号航班从纽约飞往伦敦。我们此时在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你从飞机的右边向窗外看去，你将会发现右侧的两个引擎都已经起火。如果你从左边往外看，你就会看到那边的机翼已经脱落了。如果你俯视下面的大西洋，那么你会看到一艘黄色的救生筏，上面有三个人正在朝你挥手。那是我、副驾驶员还有我们的一名女乘务员。这是一段录音。
经典英语冷笑话：无聊的课
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"
在开普吉拉多市的东南密苏里州立大学上学的时候，我喜欢的几个老师之中有一个以他的幽默感而出名。给新生上头一节课，他给学生解释在他课上的纪律，他说：“我知道我的课经常会很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你们在课上看表。然而，我坚决不允许你们把表重重的摔在课桌上，以此来检查你的表是不是还在走。”
经典英语冷笑话：交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
有个人开车行驶在上班的路上，一辆卡车闯红灯从侧面撞上了他的车，当时他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他从车里拉出来并唤醒他。刚一醒过来，他就拼命的挣扎着，最后不得不用了药物才让他镇静下来。过了一会儿，他平静了，别人问他为什么要这么恐怖的挣扎，他说：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，当我醒过来，我发现我躺在了路边，前面是一个巨大的 广告 牌上面闪烁着‘壳牌’，但是有个人挡住了那个“S。”
经典英语冷笑话：写给上帝的信
A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.
有个小男孩非常需要50美元，他为此祷告了数周但是什么也没发生。后来，他决定写封信向上帝索要这50美元。邮局接到这封信，想了想觉得还是应该交给总统比较好。总统被逗笑了，于是指示秘书寄给小男孩5美元，因为他觉得5美元对于一个小孩来讲已经是不少了。小男孩收到了钱很高兴，给上帝回了一封 感谢信 ，信里写道：尊敬的上帝，非常感谢你把钱寄给我。然而，我发现这些钱是通过白宫寄出的，因此，和往常一样，那帮家伙收了我45美元的税。
急求英语冷笑话！！！！！！！
1、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）
2、white man：are you Black?
black man：no,i'm White
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
新西兰的气候
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。
My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
我妹妹的手指头
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?
凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。
All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
除了音乐
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗?”
“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”
The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么?
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?
汤姆：双胞胎。
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少?
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少?
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢?
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
迟到的原因
老 师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。
