笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

单词幽默笑话(英语幽默单词)

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简单点的英语幽默小笑话10个单词

An

old

lady

who

was

very

deaf

and

who

thought

everything

too

dear,

went

into

a

shop

and

asked

the

shopman'

How

much

this

stuff'

'Seven

dollars,

Madam,

it

is

very

cheap.'

The

lady

said,

'It

is

too

much,

give

it

to

me

for

fourteen.'

'I

did

not

say

seventeen

dollars,

but

seven.'

'It

is

still

too

much,'

replied

the

old

lady,

'give

it

to

me

for

five.'

一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。

她问店员:“这东西要多少钱?”

“七美元,太太,这是很便宜的。”

老太太说:“太贵了,十四美元差不多。”

店员忙说:“我没说十七美元,是七美元。”

“还是太贵,”老太太说:“五美元,我就买啦。”

单词幽默笑话(英语幽默单词)插图

形容“幽默”的英语单词有哪些?

形容幽默的英文单词:humorous 

读音:英 ['hjuːmərəs]      美 ['hjuːmərəs]    

释义:adj. 幽默的;诙谐的

用法示例如下:

1、He was quite humorous, and I liked that about him.

他很幽默,我喜欢他这一点。

2、Indeed he has a solemn face, but he is very humorous at heart.

他的确有一副严肃的脸孔,但内心却是很富幽默感。

3、From the story, we can see that the wisdom and humorous side of a good leader.

从这个故事里,我们看到一个好的领袖智慧和幽默的一面。

扩展资料:

近义词

amusing、comical、funny、ridiculous

这几个词都可表示“引人发笑的”。

amusing表示“逗笑的,令人开心的”;

funny表示“可笑的,滑稽的”,语意比amusing强,在口语中,还有“不可理解”的意思;

comical表示“喜剧性的,令人捧腹的”,只用于人的表情、行为或某一局面等,很少用来指具体事物;

ridiculous表示“荒谬的,愚蠢的”,有时可引申为“令人发笑的”,具有鄙视的意味。

英语幽默小笑话

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.上帝曾经答应我

Once god came up 2 me granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said.

有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。

Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, "Let me try world peace".

然后我请让你变聪明。他说:“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。” 1.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?

Jack: Certainly.

Tom: And why?

Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

汤姆:威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他?

杰克:当然应该了。

汤姆:为什么?

杰克:否则他就该跟我借了

2.I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded.

'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him.

'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.

我陪丈夫一起出差,他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。

“你为什么那么紧张呢?”我问他。

“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道

3.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

妈妈:你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?

汤姆:我刚吃完药,可我忘了先摇动瓶子了

4.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'

My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

5.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟,一天对他抱怨说:“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”

“不用担心,亲爱的,所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。 Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝;巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似;类似

18.鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道:“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

英语笑话(一)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人:哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话(八)Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人?

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

英语笑话(九)The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变。第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话(十)One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

回答者:lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08

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其他回答共 2 条

Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道: “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他。

“噢,”证人说:“那么请你回答这个问题:“你停止打你老婆了吗?”

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys?

体育老师:孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗?

Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克:见过,老师,经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢!

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师:那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克:啊,对不起,老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(

1.we two who and who?

咱俩谁跟谁阿

2.how are you ? how old are you?

怎么是你,怎么老是你?

3.you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ! together up !

你有种,我要给你点颜色瞧瞧,兄弟们,一起上!

4.as far as you go to die

有多远,死多远!!!!

5.hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!

有事起奏,无事退朝

6.you me you me

彼此彼此

7.You Give Me Stop!!

你给我站住!

8.know is know noknow is noknow

知之为知之,不知为不知…

9.WATCH SISTER

表妹

10.dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’’son can make hole!!龙生龙,凤生凤,老鼠的儿子会打洞!

11..I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face

给你脸你不要脸,你丢脸,我翻脸

12.one car comeone car go ,two car pengpeng,people die

(车祸现场描述 )

13.heart flower angry open

心花怒放

14.go past no mistake past

走过路过,不要错过

15.小明:I am sorry!

老外:I am sorry too!

小明:I am sorry three!

老外:What are you sorry for?

小明:I am sorry five!

16.If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone!

要钱没有,要命一条

17.I call Li old big. toyear 25.

我叫李老大,今年25。

18.you have two down son

你有两下子。

19.好好学习,天天向上:

good good study,day day up!

20.people mountain people sea!

人山人海。

参考资料:

英语单词的笑话,带中文翻译的,如:bus= 爸死,就是英语单词的读音跟中文的读音一样的那种,急!!!!!

police=跑累死

chairman=柴门

boss=饱死

judge=榨汁

lawyer=姥爷

thank you=三克油

shade=谁的

square=四拐哦

yes=爷死

Miss=妹死

See you tommorow=谁在偷吃猫肉

watermelon=我的美人

nurse=螺丝

girl=割耳

good morning=鼓捣猫呢

含英语单词的笑话(大部分是中文)

A伸出四个手指头问B:这个用英文怎么说?B:Four。A接著把四个手指弯曲,然后又问B:现在这个怎么念。B:wonderfull.

话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大 拇指道:「I AM后羿!」B神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM丘比特!」轮到C了,他也挽弓,利箭射出! 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,

忙说:I am sorry.老外应道:I am sorry too.某人听后又道:I am sorry three.老外不解,问:What are you sorry

for?某人无奈,道:I am sorry five.

下午1点,就在我刚下博物馆一层,准备往外走的时候,发现有位大40岁的男性外国朋友向我这边大声喊“Hellow!”我以为他在和自己的朋友打招呼,没有在意。Hellow!”他还喊,并向我这边招手。周围进进出出的游客,也并没有人停下脚步,我没觉察出他在和谁招呼。就在这时他已经来到我的面前。不知说了一句什么话,反正我绝对是没听懂。但我判断他应该是欧洲人,他说的应该是英语。我当时心里有点紧张,因为虽然英语还算不错,但毕竟很少用过呀。幸好我很快反应过来,问了句“Can I help you?”他又说了一句,说的什么我还是没听懂。可是他说话时总指着大厅里的毛主席雕像并且拿出了相机,我明白了他的意思:原来他是想在毛主席雕像前照张相片。我接过相机嘴里应承着“OK OK!”他站到了毛主席雕像的一侧,我调好焦距,由于这一侧离军博入口较近,人比较多,我看准机会,迅速按下快门,但右面还是照上了一为游客的背影。那位外国朋友又说了一句话,肯定是在问照的怎么样。我摇摇头“NO NO!”这时我见另一侧人较少,于是走了过去Come

here please!” 外国朋友微笑着走道主席雕像的另一侧。我嘴里问了一句当年我们英语老师的最频繁用语“Are you Ready ?”他嘴里说着“OK OK!”我按下了快门。一看这张照的还可以。我向他点点头“OK OK!”他接过相机看了看。然后微笑着说了句“Thank

you!”这句话我确实是听明白了,但我该如何表示礼貌的回应呢,学过“不用谢或不客气”有两种表达方式,到底现在用哪一句合适呢?两三秒钟我没有说话,同时感觉额上有点冒汗,最后一着急,我紧紧握住了他的手说了一句“您就甭客气了,拜拜!”这一幕现在想起来都还让我觉得汗颜!

老师在黑板上写了一句:Time is

money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道:“汤姆是玛丽。小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说May I go to the toilet? 老师说:Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!

英语老师问一个学生,“How are you是什么意思”学生how是怎么,you 是你,于是回答“怎么是你?”老师生气又问另一个同学:“How old are you ?是什么意思?”这个同学想了想说:“怎么老是你。”

一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转。他不放心的问道:turn left监考官回答:right. 于是他立刻向右转。很抱歉他只有下次再来。

急急急!因为英语闹出的小笑话,快!

 1 too和two

有一天小明不小心走路撞到一个外国人,他不好意思的说:「I am sorry.」

「I am sorry,too.」外国人回答。

「I am sorry three.」小明马上回道。

「What are you sorry for?」外国人问。

「I am sorry five…」小明说。

2 关于模糊音

.一家陕西人在纽约唐人街开了家餐馆,儿子当服务生,老妈管收钱,老爸做大厨。

某一天,店里来了个老外,点了个套餐,吃到一半, " 咣当 " ,把汤碗打了。

儿子跑过去看了一下,说: " 碗打了! "

老外想: " one dollar,... ..."

老妈听见声音,也过来看,见地上有个破碗,问: " 谁打的? "

老外想: " three dollar?... ..."

儿子说: " 他打的! "

老外想: " ten dollar?! ... ..."

老妈又说: " 还得打一碗! "

老外想: " hundred and one?!?! ... ..."

老爸正在厨房切菜,听见外面的声音,赶忙跑出来看怎么回事。忙乱中,忘了把菜刀放下。

五大三粗的老爸,手持菜刀站在餐厅里,老外一看,心跳加速,血压急升,但更让他心碎加崩溃的是老爸的一番话。

老爸对着正在加热炉上舀汤的儿子说: " 烫,少盛点儿! "

老外: " ten thousand?!!

3 关于名字的谐音

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

(场景) 椭圆形办公室, 乔治布什 和国家安全顾问康多里扎赖斯

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

布什: 康迪(赖斯)! 很高兴见到你,发生什么事情了?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

赖斯:长官,我来向你汇报中国的新领导人

George: Great. Let’s hear it.

布什: 好极了,我们一起来听听!

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

赖斯:胡(谁)是中国的新领导人

George: That’s what I want to know.

布什:这就是我要知道的

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

赖斯:这就是我要告诉你的

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of

China?

布什:这就是我要问你的,谁(胡)是中国的新领导人?

Condi: Yes.

赖斯:是的

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

布什:我是说那个人的名字

Condi: Hu.

赖斯:胡(谁)

George: The guy in China.

布什: 那个在中国的人

Condi: Hu.

赖斯:胡(谁)

George: The new leader of China.

布什:中国的新领导人!

Condi: Hu.

赖斯:胡(谁)

George: The Chinese!

布什:那个中国人!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

赖斯:胡(谁)领导中国

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

布什:啊?现在是你问我了?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

赖斯: 我在告诉你, 胡(谁)在领导中国

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

布什:我在问你,谁(胡)在领导中国?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

赖斯:就是那人的名字

George: That’s whose name?

布什:就是谁(胡)的名字?

Condi: Yes.

赖斯:是的

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader

of China?

布什:你到底愿不愿意告诉我谁(胡)是中国的领导人?

Condi: Yes sir.

赖斯:是的,长官(亚瑟尔)

George: Yassir? You mean Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the

Middle East.

布什:亚瑟尔?你是说阿拉法特在中国?我以为他在中东呢

Condi: That’s correct.

赖斯:没错

George: Then who is in China?

布什:那么谁(胡)在中国?

Condi: Yes, sir.

赖斯:是的长官(亚瑟尔)

George: Yassir is in China?

布什:亚瑟尔在中国??

Condi: No, sir.

赖斯:不,长官

George: Then who is?

布什:那么谁(胡)在?

Condi: Yes, sir.

赖斯:是的长官(亚瑟尔)

George: Yassir?

布什:亚瑟尔?

Condi: No, sir

赖斯:不,长官.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of

China. Get m e the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. I bet

he knows.

布什:听着,赖斯.我要知道中国新领导人的名字,给我接联合国秘书长.我

觉得他会知道

Condi: Kofi?

赖斯:科费(咖啡)?

George: No, thanks.

布什:不,谢谢

Condi: You want Kofi?

赖斯:你要科费(咖啡)?

George: No.

布什:不!!

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

赖斯:那么你不要科费(咖啡)

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of

milk. And then get me the U.N.

布什:不,但是既然你提到它,我要杯牛奶就可以了,然后给我接联合国

Condi: Yes, sir.

赖斯:是的长官(亚瑟尔)

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

布什:不是亚瑟尔!是联合国的头!

Condi: Kofi?

赖斯:科费(咖啡)?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

布什:不,牛奶!你给我接通电话好不?

Condi: Call who?

赖斯:给谁打?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

布什:谁(胡)是联合国的头?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

赖斯:胡(谁)是中国的头

George: Will you stay out of China?!

布什:你能不能不提中国了?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

赖斯:是的长官(亚瑟尔)

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the

U.N!

布什:也别提中东了!给我接通联合国的头就好了!

Condi: Kofi?

赖斯:科费(咖啡)?

George: All right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

布什:好啦好啦!那就少加点糖吧!给我接电话

(Condi picks up the phone.)

(赖斯拿起电话)

Condi: Rice here

赖斯:赖斯在这(这有米饭)

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too

布什:米饭?好主意。在来两个蛋卷。

5.有一天小明不小心走路撞到一个外国人,他不好意思的说:「I am sorry.」

「I am sorry,too.」外国人回答。

「I am sorry three.」小明马上回道。

「What are you sorry for?」外国人问。

「I am sorry five…」小明说。

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