笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

班级英语笑话(幼儿英语笑话)

本文目录一览:

英语小笑话(带翻译)短些

1、Warning 

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.

I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming.

When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

提醒

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生,开学几个星期之后,我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话,“提醒”他我们将光临。

但是当我们来到宿舍时,他的房间凌乱不堪,我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来,是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?“,他回答说,“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”

2、Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.

Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring,

so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."

基本原则

位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师,他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时,

他说:“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味,了无生趣,所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。

不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”

3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,

"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"

After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚饭后,父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将,这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来,便对正在看电视的儿子说道:“宝贝,去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢?” 过了一会儿,儿子回来说:“妈,厨房里太黑了,我根本就看不见。”

4、Young hopeful:“Father,what is a traitor in politics,Father(aveteranpolitician):“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”

Young hopeful:“Well then,what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father:“A convert,my son.”

有希望的青年人:“父亲,什么叫政治叛徒?” 父亲(一位老资格的政治家):“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”

有希望的青年人:“那么,离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢?” 父亲:“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”

5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.

This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.

In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.

我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。

这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的一种良好习惯。为什么?因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。

再者,早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。

班级英语笑话(幼儿英语笑话)插图

谁有英语小笑话?帮个忙,发一下,把汉语意思也发上,谢谢!

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

一个人在乡下迷了路,向一个小孩问路。孩子说:“给我10块钱,我就对你说实话。”那人给了孩子10块钱。

孩子说“说实话,我也不知道。”

A person in the country lost his way, to a child for directions. The child said: "give me 10 dollars, I to you the truth." The man gave the child 10 dollars.

The child said, "to tell you the truth, I don't know."

一位妇女带着她的女孩去看精神科医生。

妇女说:“我的女儿这半年来, 一直觉得自己是一只母鸡。”

医生说:“已经半年了,为什么现在才带来看病呢?”

“因为我们一家人都一直在等着吃鸡蛋!”

A woman with her girl to go to see a psychiatrist.

Women say: "my daughter this over the last six months, always think of myself as a hen."

The doctor say: "have already for half a year, why now just bring a doctor?"

"Because our family had been waiting to eat eggs!"

长篇英语笑话故事

幽默笑话我们看不少了,可逆看过 英语笑话 故事 吗?下面我为大家整理了一些长篇英语笑话故事资料,快跟我一起来看看。

   经典长篇英语笑话故事

1、My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

我丈夫马上就要回来了

一个已婚男人去 拜访 他的“女朋友”时,女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

“噢,詹姆斯,我喜欢你的胡子,但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”

詹姆斯回答说,“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子,所以我不可能剃掉它,否则她会杀了我的。”

“噢,我求你了,”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。

“可是,我不能,”他回答道,“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”

在女朋友再三请求下,他终于屈服同意了。夜里,在妻子熟睡时,詹姆斯爬上了床。

妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道,“噢,迈克尔,你不应该在这里,我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

2、Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了。她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人长篇英语笑话故事长篇英语笑话故事。”

仙女拾起了 魔术 棒。“呯!”,他变成了90岁。

3、This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

这是一个:电脑新病毒的警告

如果你收到一封主题是“ 倒霉透了”的邮件时,立即删除千万不要阅读。这是迄今最为危险的邮件病毒。

它会重写你的硬盘,不止这些,还会损坏任何离你电脑很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度数让好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉,牛奶也馊掉。它还会让你的所有信用卡磁条失效,更改你在自动提款机上取钱的密码,你录像机上的影像资料也会变得乱七八糟,它还利用子空间场谐波刮坏任何你想听的CD。

它还会把你的新电话号码告诉你的旧情人,把防冻剂注入到你的鱼缸里,它将喝光你所有的啤酒,然后,当有人上门的时候,将它的臭袜子留在茶几上。

当你迟到的时候它会藏起你的车钥匙,还会干扰你车内的音响系统,好让你在塞车的时候欣赏沙沙的静电声。

“倒霉透了”还会把你的洗发水换成脱毛膏,然后把你的脱毛膏换成生发液.还始终在你背后与你的现任情人幽会,用你的维萨信用卡支付他们的酒店浪漫费用

它会色诱你的祖母,不管她在不在人世。这些都显示了此邮件的影响力,它就是这样毁掉了坟墓内外所有美好的事。

这个邮件会使你患上荷兰榆树病,它会让你的屁股永远放不到马桶座垫上,还会把电吹风插在放满水的浴缸旁边的插座上,它会肆意篡改枕头和床垫的禁止事项,把脱脂牛奶换成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗处,到处写满了它的危险和可怕,不过,它呈现的淡紫色到是相当有趣的。

4、One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

一天,妻子 Sue 在整理床铺时,偶然发现了一个小盒子。出于好奇心,她小心翼翼的打开了盒子,发现里面放了三枚鸡蛋和10000美元钞票。对于相处了20余年丈夫居然对自己隐瞒了此事,她开始感到有些疑惑不安。

“哦,是这样的,”丈夫 Frank 解释道,“每次我做了对你不忠的事,我就会在这个盒子里放一枚鸡蛋。” Sue 虽然对此感到不很高兴,但是转念又一想20多年的丈夫背着她有婚外情也不过只有三次,想想也不算太坏。

“那么另外的那10000美元是怎么回事?”

“每当鸡蛋凑够一打,我就卖了换成现金。”

5、A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

一个男人在热气球上,发现自己迷失了方向。他下降高度,下方有一个妇女。他又下降了一点,大声呼喊,"打扰下,你能帮个忙吗,一个小时以前我答应了一个朋友要和他见面,但现在我不知道我身处何地。”

妇女在下面回答,“你在一个热气球里,大约离地面三十英尺。你在北纬40-41度之间,西经59-60度之间。”

“你必定是个工程设计师,”气球上的男人说长篇英语笑话故事笑话大全。

“我是,”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”

“是这样,”气球上的男人说“你告诉我的事在技术上都是正确的,但是我无法理解你的看法,事实是我依旧迷失。坦白说,到目前为止你没帮上我多少

下面的妇女回应道,“你一定是在管理部门工作。”

“我是,”气球上的男人回答,“这你是怎么知道的?”

“是啊,”妇女说,“你总是不知道你在哪里,也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升,是由于大量的热气。你对别人许下的承诺,你不知道如何履行,而且你还期望在你下面的人会解决你的问题。事实就是在我们见面之前,我们都在完全相同的立场上,可现在,不知怎么地,却成了我的错了。”

搞笑的长篇英语笑话故事

1、Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside them is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second. "When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically1."

The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. Their organs are color-coded."

"You're all wrong," said, the fourth. "Lawyers are easiest. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asset are interchangeable."

四个医生边喝咖啡休息边讨论他们的工作。

第一个说,“我认为给会计手术最容易,因为他们的器官都有编号。”

“我觉得图书管理员最容易司法英语笑话司法英语笑话。”第二个说, “他们的器官都按字母顺序排列。”

第三个医生说,“我喜欢给电工手术,他们的器官都有带颜色的编码

“你们都错了”,第四个说,“律师是最容易的,他们没心、没肠、没骨头,而且他们的脑子用钱就能换掉。”

2、Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?

Witness1: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

律师:你说你离事故现场约有35英尺,你能看清多远的东西?

证人:这么说吧,早上起床后我看见太阳,别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。

3、An American attorney1 had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then suel the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

一位美国律师刚结束他在意大利一所法律学校的客座演讲,就有一位意大利律师走近他问:“听说在你们国家里,一个人跌倒在人行道上,他就会起诉这块地的所有者赔偿很多钱,这是真的吗?”

得知这是真的后,意大利律师转向他的同行开始用意大利语快速谈论起来。当他们停下来后,美国律师问他们是否想去美国做法律工作司法英语笑话笑话大全。

“不,不,”有一个人回答说,“我们要去美国跌倒在人行道上。”

长篇英语笑话故事精品

1、A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人,于是他们开车去了那条街,看到路口站着一群人。

新警察摇下窗户:“大家注意了,快离开这里。”人们看了他几眼,没理他。他喊起来:“离开这里,马上离开!”大家都不知道怎么回事,但是在他的威胁下还是离开了。

新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意,对老警察说:“我干得怎么样?”“你做得很好,”老警察笑着说,“尤其是在公共汽车站。”

2、A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.

After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays."

The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课每日精品英语笑话每日精品英语笑话。他们都是新近来美国生活的。

在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后,他请全班同学给他挑出尺子,书本,钢笔等。课进行得井然有序,学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣,也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生,我的朋友说:“给我钥匙

那人看起来非常吃惊,也有点手足无措。看到这种情况,我的朋友想是他没有听清楚,于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着,他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下

3、An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'

'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'

The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'

'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'

'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'

一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店每日精品英语笑话笑话大全。 她问店员:“这东西要多少钱?”

“七美元,太太,这是很便宜的。”

老太太说:“太贵了,十四美元差不多。”

店员忙说:“我没说十七美元,是七美元。”

“还是太贵,”老太太说:“五美元,我就买啦。”

一篇英语小笑话,要有翻译!!!

一:

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

二:

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

完美儿子

A:我有一个很完美的儿子.

B:他抽烟吗?

A:不抽.

B:他喝威士忌酒吗?

A:不喝.

B:他会不会很晚回家?

A:不会.

B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了?

A:下个星期三就满6个月了.

三:

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

四:

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

.

鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

五:

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

六:

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说:“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块。不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问:“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

他姨妈马上回答说:“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说:“凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

七:

I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”

“没有,老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。”

八:

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

八篇任选,都还不错,希望能帮到您

短小的英语笑话

Part-time Job

When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

"How was your first day?" I asked.

"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."

Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"

"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

业余工作

我儿子在一所中学读二年级时,在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

“第一天感觉如何?”我问。

“好极了,爸爸。”他答道,“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

由于斯蒂芬不善言谈,我问道:“你跟他们说了些什么?”

“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装?”

Keys? Kiss?

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后,他请全班同学给他挑出尺子,书本,钢笔等。课进行得井然有序,学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣,也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生,我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊,也有点手足无措。看到这种情况,我的朋友想是他没有听清楚,于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着,他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

Prepare Yourself

A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."

Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."

自己做好准备

校园里流传着这样的故事:一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报,上面写着:“妈妈-我所有功课都不及格,被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”

两天以后,他收到了回电:“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”

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