1、What dog can jump higher than a building？什么狗比大楼跳的还高？
Anydog，buildings can't jump！任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。
3、What has a head，a tail，and no body？什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体？
4、What has one eye but cannot see？什么有一只眼睛，却看不见？
A needle. 针。
5、Teacher：whoever answers my next question, can go home. 老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher： who just threw that？老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了？
Boy： Me！ I'm going home now. 男孩：我！我现在要回家了。
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband wasmissing.
The policeman asked her for a description.
She said,"He is 35 years old,6 feet 4 inches,has dark eyes,dark wavy hair,an athleticbuild,weighs 185 pounds,is soft-spoken ,and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested,
"Your husband is 5 feet 4 inches,chubby,bald,has a big mouth,and is mean to your children."
The wife replied,"Yes,but who wants"THIS KIND OF STUFF"back?"
老婆回答说：“你说对了，可是谁会要 这种没用的废物 回来呀?”
A Henpecked Husband
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.
"You don't have to let your wife bully you,"he said."Go home and show her you are the boss ."
The husband decided to take the doctor's asvice.He went home,slammed the door,shook his first in his wife's face,and growled,"
From now on you are talking orders from me.
I want my supper right now,and when you get it on the table ,go upstairs and lay out my clothes.
Tonight I am going out with my friends.
You are going to stay at home where you belong.
Another thing,you know who is going to tie bow tie?"
I certainlydo,"screamed the wife."The Undertaker."
A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians havedespised and reviled me. "
"That's a great sorrow to us,"said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here.Here, all are truly equal.Just spell God and you may enter."
the Jew truly spell out god and was swept through the gates.Next,the Indian came forward andsaid,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in areservation.Will I truly be free here?"
"My son, your troubles are over.Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. "
The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.
Next,the black man strode forward."St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on meand treated me unfairly.That won't happen here, will it?"
"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here.Just spell" onomatopoeia "and theKingdom of Heaven is yours "
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"