笑话哦
很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !

英语笑话集(英语笑话 爆笑)

本文目录一览:

有关英语的笑话

笑话是实际生活中客观存在的,作为文学式样,它的特征是戏谑、讽刺,其功能是启迪、警示。它渊源流长、值得研究、探讨。下面是我带来的有关英语的笑话,欢迎阅读!

有关英语的笑话篇一

A better dishwasher 一台更好的洗碗机

Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

威廉姆斯太太住在伦敦的的一条小街上,现在她有了一位新邻居。

这邻居叫布里格斯太太,她对她的高档家具,漂亮地毯和新厨房谈论很多。

“你知道吗?” 有一天她对威廉姆斯太太说道:“我有一台新洗碗机。它洗盘子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”

“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答说,“它能弄干盘子、杯子和刀叉吗?还可以把它们放进碗柜吗?”

布里格斯太太很吃惊。“ 嗯,”她回答说,“洗碗机里的盘子、杯子和刀叉一小时后就干了,但当然啰,洗碗机不能把它们收起来。”

威廉姆斯太太说:“我有一台洗碗机已经12年半了。”

“哦?”布里格斯太太回答说,“你的洗碗机在洗完盘子、杯子和刀叉后能把它们放进碗柜吗?”她不怀好意地大笑起来。

“是的,他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答说,“他把碗盘刀叉弄干后就把它们收起来。”

有关英语的笑话篇二

My God 我的上帝啊

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up:"You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

The Scotsman responds:"I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged1 and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs2 the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls3 it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子,坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后,在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上,他一直在试图躲开售票员。

售票员最终还是找到了他,并叫他补票:“你已经坐了5英里了,请付50便士,你的箱子还要付10便士。”

苏格兰人答道:“我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士,因为我刚刚上车。”最后,他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气,终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时,抓起苏格兰人的箱子,用力扔出了车外。

箱子掉进河里,沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了,怔怔地站在那里,片刻之后对售票员说:“我的上帝啊!你不仅向我多收票钱,现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。”

有关英语的笑话篇三

Where Am I 我这是在哪儿

Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought1, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain3, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going4 to go there too."

First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few5 days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Natforgot6 about this, and while7 he was8 crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked9 him down.

Nat lay10 on the ground11 for a few seconds and then he sat12 up and said13: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side2 of the street, and he at oncecame14 to Nat and said, "Map of the city, sir?"

兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上。他的假日一直都是在这里度过的,可是去年,他想:“我从来都没有出过国。我的朋友们都很喜欢去日本度假,今年我也准备去那里。”

他先是去了马德里,并在一家小旅馆住了几天。来到这里的第一天,他一早起来去散步。在英国,人们都是靠左行驶,但是西班牙人都是靠右行驶。兰特忘记了这点,于是在他穿过一条繁杂的街道时,不幸被一辆自行车撞倒了。

兰特在地上躺了几秒钟,随后坐起来问道:“我这是在哪儿?”这时,路边正好有一位老人在卖地图,于是他立即走上前去,对兰特说:“先生,买地图吗?

有关英语的笑话篇四

A dogss bad habit 狗的坏习惯

As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic1 action was called for.

I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do someerrands2. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered3 all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.

作为一名专业的驯兽师,我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时,它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此,我必须要采取严厉的 措施 。

我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾,每当它把毛巾扯下来时,我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后,它再也不碰毛巾了。于是,我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后,就出去办事了。等我回到家时,洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落,只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。

有关英语的笑话篇五

Save Money 省钱

Henry was from the United1 States and he had come to London for a holiday.

One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr2. Kenneth Grey, 61010."

Henry said, "Thank yon very much. Is he expensive?"

"Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies3 for later visits."

Henry decided4 to save 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I've come again, doctor."

For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time."

美国人亨利来到伦敦度假。

有一天,他感觉不舒服,便来到旅馆服务台向服务员咨询:“我想看病,你能帮我找一位好医生吗?”

服务员翻阅了一下本子,然后说:“肯尼思·格雷医生,61010。”

亨利说:“非常感谢,他看病收费贵吗?”

“喔,”服务员回答说,“初诊患者收费2英镑,复诊收费1.5英镑。”

亨利琢磨着能省下50便士,于是,他去看病时对医生说:“我又来了,医生。”

医生一言不发地端详着他的面容,过了一会儿点点头说道:“哦,对。”医生给亨利做完检查后说:“病情得到了控制,继续吃上次我给你的药就可以了。”

求英文小笑话

英语笑话(一)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话(二)

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话(三)

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人:哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话(五)Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话(六)The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话(七)Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话(八)Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人?

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

英语笑话(九)The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变。第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话(十)One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

回答者:lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08

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其他回答共 2 条

Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.

“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then:“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师,他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辩护律师怒喝道: “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他。

“噢,”证人说:“那么请你回答这个问题:“你停止打你老婆了吗?”

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys?

体育老师:孩子们,你们见过男女混合双打吗?

Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克:见过,老师,经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢!

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师:那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克:啊,对不起,老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(

抄的..

经典英语笑话大全

下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇,欢迎大家阅读!

经典英语笑话一:咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆,要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说:"或许我可以做的到,但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道:“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

经典英语笑话二:世界各地的蹩脚英语

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅馆:如果您想调节您房间的温度,请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

匈牙利动物园:请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品,请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧:女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮货商店:为女士们制作的皮大衣,是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科诊所:由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰国的干洗店:在这里脱掉您的裤子,等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

意大利妇科诊所:我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓:欢迎访问这个公墓,许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里,但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麦机场:我们将拿走您的行李,送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅馆:旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

经典英语笑话三:送出去还有的东西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去,自己却也还留着?

答案:感冒。

经典英语笑话四:圣诞老人的 爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案:用原子笔

经典英语笑话五:1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节 前夕,圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物,以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯,门还未开前,三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票,猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案:当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

经典英语笑话六:Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

“没事儿,妈妈,”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我帮他吃完时,他也哭了。”

经典英语笑话七:可怜的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里,伤心至极。

酒吧招待:“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

男人:“我们吵了一架,她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

酒吧招待:“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

男人:“不,今天是这个月的最后一天。”

英语笑话集(英语笑话 爆笑)插图

用英语写一篇笑话集锦

笑话以一种幽默和嘲笑的方式使人们明白事物的本质,事物的发展轨迹和过程,人生的哲理、做人的道理和做人的道德规范。下面是我带来的用英语写笑话,欢迎阅读!

用英语写笑话篇一

向你的烦恼说再见

A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。

Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me. "

那位犹太人对圣彼得说:“坦白讲,能到这里让我蛮惊讶的,我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。”

"That's a great sorrow to us,"said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal.Just spell God and you may enter."

“我们实在感到非常遗憾,”圣彼得说,“但我们这里没有那样的偏见,这里每个人都完全平等,只要拼出God这个词你就能进入天堂。”

the Jew truly spell out god and was swept through the gates.Next,the Indian came forward and said,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in a reservation.Will I truly be free here?"

那名犹太人正确地拼出God后,被招入门内。接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得,我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击,而且只能住在居留地内,我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?”

"My son, your troubles are over.Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. "

“小兄弟,你的烦恼已经结束了,只要拼出God这个词,你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”

The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.

印第安人照着做,不久也被引入天堂。

Next,the black man strode forward."St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly.That won't happen here, will it?"

接着那名黑人跨步向前,“圣彼得,”他说道,“一辈子人们都瞧不起我,不公平对待我,在这里那些事不会发生吧!”

"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here.Just spell" onomatopoeia "and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours "

“当然不会,我的弟兄,我们不会做那样的事,只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词,天堂之国就是你的了!”

用英语写笑话篇二

黑人英语

The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnantwith her ninth. Finallyshe convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.

一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩,而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。

On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husbandputting on a tuxedoand getting into a limousine for the short ride to thehospital.

手术的早晨,她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服,乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。

"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.

"亲爱的,这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。"

"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.

"宝贝,如果你想当名大人物的话,就要让人一看就知道你很重要!"

用英语写笑话篇三

财政学的一课

Smith was the manager of a construction company and was taking bids on a new project. Thefirst bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000. "That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?"

史密斯是一家建设公司的经理,他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司,他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理,”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”

"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "

“当然没问题,”波兰公司代表说道,“二十万元工资,二十万元材科费。”

Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.

下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司,他们以八十万元竞标。

"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?"

“嗯,这个价钱似乎有些偏高,”史密斯说道。"你们有明细表吗?"

" $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. "

“四十万元材料,四十万元工资。”

"I'll get back to you. "

“我以后再同你联系。”

Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office. " $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent."

最后可翰•高斯坦•雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百二十万元是我们竞标的价码,”代表说道。

$11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown onthat?"

“一百二十万元这个标高得太过分了,”史密斯叫道“你可以给我一张明细表吗?"

"No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400,000 for thePolacks.

“没有问题,”代表回答道。“四十万元给我,四十万元给你,最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”

用英语写笑话篇四

听到那样真令人难过

A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed to the ground.

一位外国游客到美国大西部游览,碰到一个印第安人把耳朵紧贴在地上。

"What are you listening for?" heasked.

"你在听什么呢?"他询问道。

"Stagecoach pass about half hour ago.

“一辆马车半小时前曾经过这里。”

"How can you tell?"

“你怎么知道呢?'’

"Broke my neck. "

“我的脖子被撞断了。”

看了“用英语写笑话”的人还看了:

1. 用英文写的笑话故事大全

2. 英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦

3. 关于英文笑话带翻译大全

4. 关于英语经典笑话大全

5. 关于英文版笑话阅读大全

6. 关于经典英文笑话集锦

英语笑话带翻译短一些

1. 英语笑话

英语笑话 【急!求英语笑话带翻译的,三到五分钟,两个人对话的,初二水平,

1、周而复始老王在树下休息,老李走过来对他说:“嗨,为什么不去上山砍柴?” 老王说:“砍柴干什么?” 老李说:“好卖钱啊.卖到钱就可以买驴,再沿家挨户卖柴.挣了钱就再 买卡车,然后买木厂卖木 器,再买更多的卡车,那样就可以发大财了.” 老王问:“发了财干什么?” 老李答:“发了财就可 以逍遥自在地享清福嘛.” 老王说:“那你以为我现在在干什么?”1,round and roundLao wang rested under the tree,Lao li came up and said,"hey,why not go up the hill cutting wood?" Pharaoh said:"cut wood stem what?" Lao li said:"good money!Sold into money can buy a donkey,then along home door-to-door selling wood.Zheng money will buy trucks,and then buy wood factory sells wooden ware,buy more trucks,so that you can be really rich." The old king:"fortune"?Lao li answer:"fortune can be to free and unfettered freely do well." Pharaoh said,"that you think I doing now?"2、甲鱼风波甲鱼又叫团鱼或鳖,俗称王八.味鲜美,价昂贵.“吃的不买,买的不吃”,实乃高级礼品,公关丑 星.某乡派数人携众鳖入城进贡.因其重量不同,又须按“职”分配,为免差错计,故将官 号写于纸上,贴于鳖背.……至机关干部住宅楼前,天已晚.不料竹篓倾覆,众甲鱼乘暮色争相逃命,乡人一片 惊呼:“赵局长”跑啦!——那个块头最大的.快抓住“钱处长”——小心它咬手.那墙角里黑乎乎的,莫非是“孙科长”?“李秘书”个头小,爬得快,怕是找不到了.2,turtle stormTurtle and call TuanYu or turtle,monly known as the tortoise.Taste delicious,the price is expensive."Eat not to buy,buy the do not eat",solid senior ts,pr ugly stars.MouXiang sent several people join the turtle into town tribute.Because of its different weights,and must according to "responsibility" distribution,in order to avoid mistakes plan,therefore,JiangGuan written in paper,stick at turtle's back。

.To government cadres residential against the building,it is late.Behold,all the turtle piggy overthrown by the dusk scramble to flee for life,XiangRen a exclaimed,"zhao chief" run!The bigger the biggest.- Catch "money director" - be careful it bites the hand.The corner of the mariposa rushed,murphy is "Samson section chief"?"Secretary li"'s *** aller,climb quickly,afraid that I can't find it.3、迟了在地铁里,一位男子发现扒手正在掏他的钱包,便幽默地说:“老兄,你来晚了!我今天虽然领 了薪水,但我太太下手比你快 多了!”3,lateIn the subway,a man found pickpocket is cutting his wallet,and humorously said:"man,you came to night!I today although took salary,but my wife lay more quickly than you!"4、情书小伙子在给女朋友的信中写到:“爱你爱得如此之深,以至愿为你赴汤蹈火.星期六如不下雨,我一定来.4,love letterGuy in the letters to his girlfriend wrote:"love your love so much,that would like to give you go through hell.On Saturday as it does not rain,I'll e.5、无理抱怨两个人一起吃饭,只有两条鱼,一大一小.一位先把大 的吃了,另一位勃然大怒.”多不合适!”他抱怨说.”怎 么了?”另一位问.”你吃掉了那条大的,如果我是你就不 会这样做.””你会怎 样呢?””我当然是先吃小的.”” 那好哇,你抱怨什么,那条小鱼不是还在那里吗!”5 and irrational plainTwo people eat together,only two fish,a great and a *** all.A first big eat,another flew into a rage."Not more suitable!" He plains."How yao?" Another asked."You ate that big,if I were you,I would not do so." "How would you like?" "Of course I is first eat *** all." "That good,you plained,the fish is still there!"6、为您保密甲:”这件事我只告诉你一人,请你千万为我保密." 乙:”放心,不但我要为你保密,我还要告诉大家都来为你保密.”6,for your confidentialA:"this matter I just tell you one person,you must the secret for me." B:"trust,not only I want secret for you,I will tell everybody to be secret for you."7、擦玻璃父亲走进儿子的房间,夸奖道:干得好,儿子!窗户又干净又明亮,你是用肥皂水擦的吗?儿子:没有,爸爸,我用的是锤子.7,wipe glassFather entered the son's room,praise,way:well done,son!The window and clean and bright,you are using soap water wipe?Son:no,dad,I am using a sledgehammer.8、开学小学开学了,刚满6岁的冬冬不肯到学校上学.妈妈向冬冬解释,小朋友满6岁就要去上学,一直到15岁.最后冬冬终于在书桌前坐下来,满含热泪地问:等我15岁的时候,您会记得来接我吗?8,openingElementary school begins,just over 6 years old of winter winter will not e to school.Mother to dongdong explanation,children with 6 years old shall go to school,until 15 years old.Last winter winter finally before desk sat down and full of tears to ask:when I was 15,you will remember pick me up?。

英语小笑话带翻译15至25字

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。”

“可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor *** iled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了 这些够吗? 求你了给分吧。

英语笑话100篇+翻译

yyxh/

这里的英语笑话都有译文!

A teacher said to her class:

"Who was the first man?"

“George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly.

"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, *** iling indulgently.

"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."

But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?"

"I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."

有个老师问班上的学生:

“谁是第一个男人?”

“乔治·华盛顿,”一个小男孩当即叫道。

“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道,宽容地微笑着。

小男孩说:“因为他是战时第一,和时第一,国人心中第一。”

这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。

“那么,”老师对他说,“你认为谁是第一个男人呢?”

“我不知道他的名字,”大点儿的男孩说,“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿,老师。因为历史书上说,乔治·华盛顿取了一个寡妇,所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”

英语笑话【短】

1. Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt a passionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun *** iling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 美 德 获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。

一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过。

最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。”

2. Difference"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区 别 “研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来,”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’,本科生们回答说‘下午好’。

研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”3.Too Long The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long." 太久 一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话,说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。

她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定,”她怯怯地坦白道:“您是否还健在。

每次发现作者已经不在人世了,我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”4.Charge for Bread and Butter Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services." Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter." The $1.50 was returned without delay.面包和黄油费 几年前,我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。

帐单上来时,上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐,连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。

但是第二天,他给餐馆寄了一封信,说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。

餐馆马上打来电话,问道:“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事?我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。” 爸爸答道,“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”

那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。5. Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。

他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。

他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?” 英文谚语大全 cqwlzx/Article/ShowArticle?ArticleID=275 Each bird loves to hear himself sing. 鸟儿都爱听自己唱歌。

Each day brings its own bread. 天无绝人之路。Each man is the architect of his own fate. 命运掌握在自己手中。

Eagles catch no flies. 大人物不计较小事情。Eagles fly alone, but sheep flock together. 鹰单飞,羊群集。

Early mistakes are the seeds of future trouble. 早期的错误可以酿成日后的麻烦。Early sow, early mow. 播种早的收获早。

Early start makes easy stages. 早开始是成功的保证。Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. 早睡早起,令人健康、富有而且聪明。

英文短笑话 最简单的 要短的 四年级

There is a family, is very rich. One day, his son to go to school, mother asked her son, go out alone in our family was very rich, his son to keep in

Heart. The Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to write an article about the family. Son: my family is poor. My mother is very poor, very poor, dad was very poor, my servant is poor, the gardener is poor, the driver is very poor, very poor。

有一户人家,很有钱。一天,儿子要去上学,妈妈叫 儿子,出去后别说咱们家很有钱,儿子牢记在

心。语文课上,老师叫同学们写一篇关于家庭的作文。 儿子写:我家很穷。我很穷,妈妈很穷,爸爸很穷,我家的仆人很穷,园丁很穷,司机很穷,保姆很穷。。

有哪些英语小笑话?给我来十个(越短越好)

1、英语笑话(一)  

老师在黑板上写了一句:Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道:“汤姆是玛丽。”   

小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?   

老师说:Go ahead.  

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?   

老师说:Go ahead.  

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?   

小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!   

2、英语笑话(二)  

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾,上前搭话曰:I am hong tao liu,外宾曰:我TM还是方片七呢!   

3、英语笑话(三)  

江青会见外宾,要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻,不许走样。外宾一见到江青,立刻拍马屁道:"Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻,江青心花怒 放,嘴上还要谦虚一下:“哪里,哪里”。  

翻译不敢怠慢,把江青的话翻成英文:"Where? Where?" 外宾一愣,还有这样的人,追问哪里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:"Everywhere, everywhere."  

翻译:“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下:“不见得,不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文:"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."  

4、英语笑话(四)   

话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大 拇指道:「I AM后羿!」  

B神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM丘比特!」  

轮到C了,他也挽弓,利箭射出! 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」   

5、英语笑话(五)  

某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说:I am sorry.   

老外应道:I am sorry too.   

某人听后又道:I am sorry three.   

老外不解,问:What are you sorry for?   

某人无奈,道:I am sorry five. 

6、英语笑话(六)  

一位来自日本的旅客,坐出租车去机场的路上,看到一辆汽车经过,就说:“oh,TOyOTA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”又有一辆经过,他又说: “oh,NISSAN!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”司机有点不高兴,觉得他太吵了!当第三辆经过时,他还是说:“oh,HONDA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”  

后来到了机场,那个日本人就问:“How Much?”出租车司机说:“1000!”  

日本人惊奇的问司机:“为什么那么贵?”出租车司机回答说:“oh,mileometer(计 程表)!Made in Japan! It is very fast!” 

7、英语笑话(七)  

传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世,上帝搞错了,把克林顿送上了天堂,而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来,路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇:感谢上帝,我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了(Virgin Maria). 克林顿(坏笑中):Sorry,it"s too late. 

8、英语笑话(八) 

小强去看电影,到了电影售票处,发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天,就自告奋勇的上前做翻译,售票小姐说:麻烦你告诉她,现在坐票售完了只剩下站票,如果要看要站着看。  

小强转头就对老外说:no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 

老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English.  

小强就对售票小姐说:哦,他说他不懂英文....

踩了一个老外的脚,为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦,就先SORRY啦,老外更是礼貌有加,就来个sorry too. 

two??the chinese puzzled.恩,咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来?!~那就I am sorry three~   这下老外蒙了,一句what are you sorry for? 

晕,还有完没完啊,还FOUR?!~哼,偶跟你卯上了,Iam sorry five~(who怕 who?!~) 

9、英语笑话(九) 

我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外:“hello,你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说:“你妈是大猩猩!” 

10、英语笑话(十) 

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "                     

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”  “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

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