笑话哦本文目录一览：
求一些英文的双关语笑话，质量好些的！？
1.On Sunday they pray for you and on Monday prey on you.
星期天他们为你祈祷，星期一他们却向你榨取。
2.Seven days without water makes one weak (week).
七天不喝水，虚的拉不动腿。
3.Why is an empty purse always the same?
Because there is never any change in it.
钱包为什么老是瘪的？
因为它里面从来就没有零钱。
4.We eat what we can and what we can’t we can.
我们能吃的就吃，不能吃的就做成罐头。
5.A professor tapped on his desk and shouted: “Gentlemen ,order!”
The entire class yelled “Beer!”
一位教授敲着桌子喊道：“先生们，安静！”
全班同学异口同声地喊“啤酒”。
6.A little boy came up to his mother. “Ma,” he said, “I have some to tell you. My teacher kissed me.”
“Well, were you a good boy and did you kiss her back?”
“Of course not!” he denied indignantly,
“I kissed her face.”
小男孩来到身边，说：“妈，跟你说件事，老师吻了我。”
“那好啊，乖孩子，你也吻她了吗？”
“当然没有！”
他气气冲冲地否认道，“我吻她脸了。”
7.Why is a river so rich?
为什么一条河流如此富有？
Because it has two banks.
因为它有两个岸边（银行）。
8.Why do carpenters reasonably believe that there isn’t such a thing as stone?
为什么木匠们总认为没有像石头一样硬的东西？
Because they never saw it.
因为他们从来没有见（锯）过这样的东西。
9.Why can you never expect a fisherman to be generous?
为什么你不应该指望渔夫慷慨？
Because his business makes him sell fish.
因为他的行当使他卖鱼（自私）。
10.What is the strongest day of the week?
每周最强大的日子是哪天？
It’s Sunday, because the other days are weekdays.
星期天，因为其它的日子都是工作日（弱小的日子）。
英语冷笑话谐音梗
英语冷笑话谐音梗如下：
1、What do you call a deer with no eye?
(没有眼睛的鹿 是什么鹿)
No eye deer (No idea).
无眼鹿（不知道）
2、What did a late tomato say to other tomatoes?
(一个迟到的番茄会对其他的番茄说什么)
I will ketchup (catch up).
(我能赶上)(ketchup 番茄酱)
3、What do you call a bee from America?
(来自美国的蜜蜂叫什么)
A USB (US bee).
4、Which is faster, hot or cold?
(冷和热，哪个更快)
Hot. Because you can catch a cold.
(热更快，因为你能追上冷/会感冒 catch a cold）
5、What did my dog say when I asked him the answer for two minus two?
(当我问我家的狗2减2等于多少，他说了什么)
He said nothing.
(他什么也没说 / 他说什么也没有)
各国语言中有哪些好玩的双关语和冷笑话？
一个西班牙语的笑话记不得具体是谁了大致是这样的语言背景：1.西班牙对国王或王后尊称sumajestad（相当于英语里的your majesty）2.“挑选”这个词的动词原型是escoger它的命令式（相当于英语里的祈使句）第三人称单数usted（usted是“您”的意思是对第二人称单数的敬称但语法上属于第三人称单数）的变位是escoja 3.“是”这个词的动词原型是ser第三人称单数变位是es（相当于英语里的is） 4.“瘸”这次词叫cojo这是它的形容词原型如果是男的就是cojo如果是女的就是coja下面是正文：西班牙历史上有一个瘸腿的reina（相当于英语里的queen）有一次一个大臣拿了一大束花给这个reina对她说了一句“sumajestad，escoja”下面是解释：这个大臣说的这句话的本意是“女王陛下，请您挑一枝花吧”但听起来像是“sumajestadescoja”（发音一毛一样）意思是“女王陛下是瘸腿”…哈哈哈机智的大臣哈哈哈打了半天可能只有我一个人又笑了一次…
经典英语冷笑话12篇
下面是我整理的经典英语冷笑话12篇，以供大家学习参考。
经典英语冷笑话：小心有狗!
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
经典英语冷笑话：在天堂结婚
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问：“如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她，回答说：“夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”
经典英语冷笑话：点名
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”
经典英语冷笑话：最希望得到的签名
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是：“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样，大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生，他说：“在我 毕业 证上签字的那个人。”
经典英语冷笑话：动机
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道，“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生，他问：“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道：“我妈妈。”
经典英语冷笑话：班级、情人和蠢驴
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。
经典英语冷笑话：智力缺陷
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯，你可以这样问，‘库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的回答道，“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多。”
经典英语冷笑话：开卷考试
On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.
我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天，听说书店在回购我们的工商管理课本。考试前，我们几个赶忙跑到书店把书卖了，随后，我们坐在教室里等着考试。这时候教授宣布：考虑到试题的难度，今天的考试我们决定开卷。
经典英语冷笑话：机长的录音
This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.
这是你们机长的声音。请允许我代表全体工作人员，欢迎你们乘坐英国航空公司602号航班从纽约飞往伦敦。我们此时在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你从飞机的右边向窗外看去，你将会发现右侧的两个引擎都已经起火。如果你从左边往外看，你就会看到那边的机翼已经脱落了。如果你俯视下面的大西洋，那么你会看到一艘黄色的救生筏，上面有三个人正在朝你挥手。那是我、副驾驶员还有我们的一名女乘务员。这是一段录音。
经典英语冷笑话：无聊的课
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"
在开普吉拉多市的东南密苏里州立大学上学的时候，我喜欢的几个老师之中有一个以他的幽默感而出名。给新生上头一节课，他给学生解释在他课上的纪律，他说：“我知道我的课经常会很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你们在课上看表。然而，我坚决不允许你们把表重重的摔在课桌上，以此来检查你的表是不是还在走。”
经典英语冷笑话：交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
有个人开车行驶在上班的路上，一辆卡车闯红灯从侧面撞上了他的车，当时他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他从车里拉出来并唤醒他。刚一醒过来，他就拼命的挣扎着，最后不得不用了药物才让他镇静下来。过了一会儿，他平静了，别人问他为什么要这么恐怖的挣扎，他说：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，当我醒过来，我发现我躺在了路边，前面是一个巨大的 广告 牌上面闪烁着‘壳牌’，但是有个人挡住了那个“S。”
经典英语冷笑话：写给上帝的信
A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.
有个小男孩非常需要50美元，他为此祷告了数周但是什么也没发生。后来，他决定写封信向上帝索要这50美元。邮局接到这封信，想了想觉得还是应该交给总统比较好。总统被逗笑了，于是指示秘书寄给小男孩5美元，因为他觉得5美元对于一个小孩来讲已经是不少了。小男孩收到了钱很高兴，给上帝回了一封 感谢信 ，信里写道：尊敬的上帝，非常感谢你把钱寄给我。然而，我发现这些钱是通过白宫寄出的，因此，和往常一样，那帮家伙收了我45美元的税。
英语小笑话
#英语小笑话#
英语和中文一样，都有各自的特色，笑话也是大有不同，接下来我们就来看看一些英语中的笑话吧~
1. Why is the doctor so angry?
为什么医生那么生气？
A: Because he has no patience.
因为他没有耐心呀。
笑点：耐心=patience，病人=patient 一语双关
2. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
鳄鱼穿了背心会变成什么？
A: An Investigator.
调查员
笑点：这个点在读音，investigator = in + vest + alligator
3. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
你为什么不能给Elsa（《冰雪奇缘》女主角）气球？
A: Because she will Let it go.
因为她会让气球跑掉。
笑点：《冰雪奇缘》的主题曲就是“Let it go”。小朋友一定能知道这个梗。
4. What do you call a computer that sings?
会唱歌的电脑叫什么？
A: A-Dell
Adele
笑点：A Dell（一台戴尔电脑）和著名歌手Adele也是谐音。
5. What do you get from a pampered cow?
一头被宠坏的奶牛会给你些什么？
A: Spoiled milk.
坏掉的牛奶。
笑点：Spoil做动词是“宠溺”，spoiled做形容词也有变质的意思。一语双关。
6. What do you call a bee that lives in America?
住在美国的蜜蜂叫啥？
A: USB
笑点：美国是U.S. U.S.+ bee = USB
7.Your brain has two parts: left right. Your left brain has nothing right, Your right brain has nothing left.
你的大脑有两个部分：左脑和右脑，你的左脑里没有右脑的东西，你的右脑里没有左脑的东西。
笑点解析：right同上；left作形容词时意为左边的，作leave的过去分词使用时意为剩下的。所以后面两句还可以理解为“你的左脑里没有一点正确的东西，你的右脑里什么也不剩。”（我才不会直接说你笨呢）。
今日的小笑话先讲到这儿，你还知道哪些呢？
今日词汇:
not so much as …甚至于…都没有
set sb to do 使某人做
be determined upon … 对…意志坚定
a strip of 呈条带状的一片
divide sth into 把...分成
at the end of 在...尽头；在...结束时
a great deal of 大量
look back upon 回忆；回顾
