很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !




笑话是幽默的一个属概念 ,具有幽默的一切特征。笑话是民族特有幽默的一种形式。我整理了简短的英语笑话带翻译,欢迎阅读!


When they’re together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. “All right, you two,” I said sternly. “No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting.”

As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, “C’mon, Steven, let’s get dirty . ”

我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候,总要招来大乱。一个星期六,我开始抗议了。“好啦,你们两个,”我严厉地说,“不许叫喊,不许乱拿,不许哭闹,不许乱敲,不许取笑,不许扯淡,不许弄坏玩具,不许乱抓,不许打架。” 我刚转身要走,就听我儿子说:“来,斯蒂文,我们来把自己弄脏吧。”


It’s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student. He always sleeps in the class. Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom. Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No one is laughing.” The others murmured.

“No, it’s not me. I was not making a face. I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

“Um. Not bad. You can admit your fault. You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.










Mark is a good boy,but he is not very clean.His face and hands always very dirty.

One day,Mark goes to school.His teacher looks at him and says:"Mark,I know what you eat today.""What?"Mark asks. "Eggs.your face and your mouth tell me that."

"No."Mark says,"not today,but the day before yesterday."








Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes/No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet" Yes" for heads and "No" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period,Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again.


The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok.


"Oh yes, I' m fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago一but,”explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I' m going back through and checking my answers!”




A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.


"Well,it dates back to our honeymoon,”explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, ‘That's once' .We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, `That's twice.’We hadn't gone a half一mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, `That's once'.”




A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.” The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.” The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.”




Sadie's hu *** and Jake has been slipping in and out of a a for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.


one night, Jake es to and motions for her to e closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?"


"What dear?" she asked gently.


"I think you're bad luck.”



笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松。与此同时,笑话也是人们反对极权和专制制度的有力武器。我分享关于短篇 英语笑话 ,希望可以帮助大家!

关于短篇英语笑话:Work Smarter, Not Harder

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to reload a cart that had lost its load of hay. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment and then I'll give you a hand?" "No, thanks," said the young boy. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come, have a drink of water. Rest in the shade." Again the young man protested. "Oh, no, sir. My father would be real mad!" Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him; I'll give him a piece of my mind!" The young farmer replied, "He's right there under that pile of hay!"

关于短篇英语笑话:Biggest Sex Life Lie

A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. "Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned the minister. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, "You win, Pastor!"

关于短篇英语笑话:Catholic School

Little Tommy's parents had tried everything to help his math grade: tutors, flash cards, "Hooked on Math," special learning centers, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Tommy was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back up to his room without a word and studied some more. This went on for weeks until Little Tommy proudly brought home his report card and showed it to his parents:

An A in Math! "Tommy! This is great! I'm so proud of you! Son, what was it? What helped motivate you? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy shook his head.

"Well, then, was it the books? The discipline? The structure? The uniforms? What?" Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, Mom, it's like this.

When I saw that guy out in the lobby nailed to a plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around!"

关于短篇英语笑话:Throw It All Into A River

A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it all into the river."

With greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it all into the river."

And finally he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it all into the river, too!"

As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closinghymn, let us sing number 365:"

"Shall We Gather at the River."


An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen." This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!" The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"





Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.






The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱,宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"



The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

这个病人显得很坚决。“医生,我需要做肝脏移植、肾脏移植、心脏移植、角膜移植、脾脏移植、胰腺移植和……” “你为什么认为你需要做这么多移植手术?”病人回答:“哦,是这样,我的老板说如果我这个人不重新组装的话,就别想保住我的工作!”


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Job Technique

Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straight-faced, he leaned toward the door and asked, "Going to the nudist Colony, sir?"

"Oh, no," replied the would-be passenger, retreating quickly.

"Works every time," the driver said with a wink.


1 Oahu n.瓦胡岛

2 straggler n.落伍者;掉队者

3 show up显现

4 approach v.走近;接近

5 be about todo表计划即将做

6 board v.上船、火车、飞机、公共汽车等

7 straight-faced adj.板起面孔的

8 nudist Colony天体营裸体主义者实行其信条的场所

9 retreating quickly迅速后退。这是一个分词短语作状语,表示伴随状况。



① We were waiting in our tour bus for some _____ to show up.

② A man, obviously y not with our group, _____ the bus and was to board.

③ How would our driver _____the situation, we wondered.

④ He leaned _____the door.

⑤ "Oh, no, " replied the_____ passenger, _____quickly.






① stragglers ② approached;about ③ handle ④ toward ⑤would-be; retreating


A Bad Doctor

A man walked into a doctor's examining room.

"Put out your tongue," the doctor said.

The man put out his tongue and the doctor said.

"0. K. You can put your tongue back now. " the doctor said. "it's clear what's wrong with you . You need more exercise."

"But, doctor, " the man said. "I don't think--"

" Don't tell I me what you think, " the doctor said 揑 am the doctor, not you. I know what you need. I see hundreds of people like you. None of them get any exercise. They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening. What you need is to walk quickly for at least 20 minutes a day. "

"Doctor, you don't understand," the patient said "I -"

"I don't want to hear any excuses, " the doctor said. "You must find time for exercise. If you don't, you will get fat and have health problems when you are older. "

"But I walk every clay," the patient said.

"Oh, yes, and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet to the train station from your house, a few more feet from the station to your office , and a few more feet from your office to a restaurant for lunch and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day. "

Please listen to me, doctor! " the patient shouted, getting angry with this doctor who thought he knew everything.

"I'm a mailman," the patient went on, "and I walk for seven hours every day. "

For a moment the doctor was silent, then he said quietly, "Put your tongue out again, will you?"


1 examining room检查室

2 mailman n.邮递员



① The first thing the doctor asked the man to do was to_____ .

A. walk to work

B. exercise

C. show him his tongue

D. see hundreds of other patients

② The doctor would not_____ .

A. tell the patient what was wrong with him

B. let the patient speak

C. took at the man's tongue

D. let the patient watch television

③ The doctor told the man that he____ .

A. should get more exercise

B. should stop making excuses

C. should watch more television

D. was already too fat

④ The doctor_____ .

A. gave him good advice

B. walked seven hours a day

C. was really a mailman

D. was wrong

⑤ So we can know _____.

A. the man was very lazy

B. the man should do more exercise

C. the doctor was very kind to the patient

D. the man was not a good and careful doctor


















Saving Grace

Vacationing in Hawaii, my hu *** and and I went out to dinner one night at one of its finest restaurants - When presented with the check, my hu *** and reached into his pocket for his wallet, but somehow lost his balance and fell over. As the people at the next table looked on in astonishment 'he said, "The food was delicious-but wait till you get your bill!"


1 Hawaii n.夏威夷岛

2 fall over落下;跌下

3 astonishment n.惊诧



① Where were the hu *** and and wife vacationing?

② Where did they go one night?

③ Did the hu *** and fall over before or after the meal?

④ How was the food there?

⑤ The hu *** and was mocking himself to save grace, wasn't he?




① In Hawaii ② One of the finest restaurants ③ After the meal

④ Delicious ⑤ Yes

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