笑话哦本文目录一览：
- 1、英文译中文的幽默短句
- 2、求搞笑英文段子
- 3、精选励志幽默英语段子
- 4、中式英语笑话精选
- 5、双语幽默英语笑话
英文译中文的幽默短句
1. 英文句子搞笑谐音中文
Room out high people 世外高人
When the moonhas its ownlook up 明月几时有 自己抬头瞅
I am not a casual person,but it is not people casually 我不是随便的人，但随便起来就不是人
Other people's road,let others have no way out. 走别人的路，让别人无路可走
Water to pure have no fish,people are invincible to 水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌
Give me a girl,Ican create a nation 给我一个姑娘，我可以创造一个民族
I want to love,butalready late. 我想早恋，但是已经晚了
Money is not a problem,the problem is no money 钱不是问题，问题是没钱
够不够呢 ，，嗯哼？！
2. 幽默的英文句子
【第一条】英文：Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating.中文：考试害了多少个孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。
【第二条】英文：For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.中文：对于美女，看两眼就行，转身告诉自己，我老婆比她们都好。【第三条】英文：Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.中文：你有没有发现，那些讨厌你的人，长得都特别丑。
【第四条】英文：Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.中文：自从会玩QQ后，我发现我拼音越来越好了，读书都没这效果。【第五条】英文：I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.中文：我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是个妞。
【第六条】英文：I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke！中文：我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！【第七条】英文：Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.中文：考试有人靠的是实力，而我靠的是丰富的想象力。【第八条】英文：Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run.中文：国外：思想和才能才是王道，国内：关系和马屁才能横行。
【第九条】英文：The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.中文：听到老师说又要开始罚钱，我就知道是他工资花完了。【第十条】英文：The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.中文：男人情史丰富那叫风流，女人情史丰富那叫风骚。
【第十一条】英文：One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.中文：一个人快活，两个人生活，三个人就是你死我活。【第十二条】英文：Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying.中文：毛爷爷说，不以结婚为目的的搞对象都是耍流氓。
【第十三条】英文：Brother, you have to face the resolution is good？中文：大哥，把你脸上的分辨率调低点好吗？【第十四条】英文：In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.中文：天上没有白掉的馅饼，倒有白掉的砖头。【第十五条】英文：Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have！中文：理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！【第十六条】英文：More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.中文：再多各自牛逼的时光 也比不上一起傻逼的岁月。
【第十七条】英文：Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.中文：思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。【第十八条】英文：Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.中文：中国人就两大特点：一，不爱说实话；二，不爱听实话。
【第十九条】英文：You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.中文：你长的很爱国，很敬业，很有骨气。【第二十条】英文：Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.中文：女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
【第二十一条】英文：If you don't like brother talk about conscience, I did not, a few days just donated.中文：你丫别跟哥谈良心，哥没有，上几天刚捐了。【第二十二条】英文：Go go go, don't waste the youth the two words, you are already the beginning of autumn.中文：去去去，别糟蹋青春那两字了，你都已经立秋了。
【第二十三条】英文：Women have two mouths, a mouth is a, a mouth to eat.中文：女人有俩张嘴，一张嘴道是非，一张嘴会吃人。【第二十四条】英文：In fact, the day classes can be short, the computer opening and closing the past.中文：其实，一天班可短暂了，电脑一开一关就过去了。
【第二十五条】英文：You have learned at school all forget, the rest is quality.中文：把你们在学校所学的知识统统忘掉，剩下的7a686964616fe78988e69d8331333361316664就是素质。【第二十六条】英文：Living half are bad luck, the other half is how to handle it.中文：活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。
【第二十七条】英文：Life can not cook, all the materials are ready was the pot.中文：人生不能像做菜，把所有的料都准备好才下锅。【第二十八条】英文：First scroll: Live meaningless, the second line of a couplet: Dutch act no courage, horizontal batch: white go back.中文：上联：活着没意义，下联：自杀没勇气，横批：白走一回。
【第二十九条】英文：My principle is: the person does not make me, I do not prisoners; if the person make me, I will get angry！中文：我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！【第三十条】英文：After today, do not meet again, I am afraid to wake up every day to beat you many times.中文：过完了今天，就不要再见面，我害怕每天醒来揍你好几遍。【第三十一条】英文：What I want, is shameless. What t。
3. 幽默英语（要中文翻译）小笑话
1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you！" 医生懂得多 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说："我想他伤得很厉害."医生说："我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说："我没死，我还活着."妻子说："安静，医生比你懂得多." 2：英： You can't go without me The busis very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts. "It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him. "But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says. 译： 没有我你们走不了 公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车，但是没有人给他让路. "喂，让我上车！"那位男士喊道. "车太挤了，你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机！"那位男士说道. 3:Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” 4:Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。
这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”
那小男孩说。 5:Dear white, something you got to know When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold, I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black. When I'm sick, I'm black.When I die, I'm still black.you---white people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become white.You're red under the sun.You're blue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're green when you're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"？ 亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。
当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。
你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。
你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。
你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。
而你，却叫我「有色人种」？ 6:Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” 7:How Many Rabbits? Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan: Nine, sir. Teacher: Nine? Jonathan: I've got one already, sir. 多少只兔子？ 老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？ 乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？ 乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。 8:These Are My Jeans After going on a diet,a woman felt 。
4. 英语笑话带翻译
I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。
售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too？" 狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” 一 Can we have our teacher back? Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back？" 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。
一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌？ 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。
瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。
但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。
5. 英语笑话带翻译
Father:do you know?Today is a great occasion of nation stanza, the anti- day is also successful!
Son:??Great occasion of nation stanza?Is just Chinese?
Father:do you guess a foreign country to have?
Son:this I also don't know, affirming is "the country is disgusted with stanza"!
Father:。。
爸爸：你知道吗？今天是国庆节，抗日也成功啦！
儿子：？？国庆节？只是中国的吗？
爸爸：你猜猜外国有没有？
儿子：这我还不知道，肯定是\"国厌节\"啦！
爸爸：。
6. 急求一则英语幽默笑话,附中文翻译（尽量简短）
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问："主啊， 一百万美元对你意味着多少？"上帝回答："一便士."男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟."最后男子请求道："上帝，我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟."
7. 求几个英文幽默段子（要中文翻译,最好是发生在我们身边的事）
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
求搞笑英文段子
搞笑英文段子
1.“You say that you love rain, but you open yourumbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the
sun shines.You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows whenwind blows.This is why I am afraid, when you say that you love me too.”
你说你爱雨，但当细雨飘洒时你却撑开了伞；
你说你爱太阳，但当日当空时你却往荫处躲；
你说你爱风，但当它轻拂时你却紧紧地关上了自己的窗子；
所以当你说你也爱我，我却会为此而烦忧。
2、My feelings for you no words can tell,Except for maybe “Go to hell.”
我对你的深情无法付诸言语，
除了一句“滚一边去”！
3、My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:Marrying you has screwed up my life
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
我这辈子就毁在你手里。
4、Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，
可我与你同眠只是因为喝醉。
5、Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;This describes everything you are not.
善良、聪慧、多情而性感，
可惜这些你一条都不占。
精选励志幽默英语段子
我们很多励志幽默的段子，但是总体会不全面，应该多扩充套件看看国外是怎么励志的。下面是我为大家整理的关于，希望大家能够喜欢。
1：
1、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
2、Gods determine what you're going to be. 人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。
3、The reason why a great man is great is that he resolves to be a great man.伟人之所以伟大，是因为他立志要成为伟大的人。
4、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、pain past is pleasure.忍过痛苦即得快乐。
7、Suffering is the most powerful teacher of life.苦难是人生最伟大的老师。
8、All things are difficult before they are easy.凡事必先难后易。
9、、There’s only one corner of the universe you can be sure of improving, and that’s your own self.这个宇宙中只有一个角落你肯定可以改进，那就是你自己。
10、Where there is life, there is hope.生命不息，希望不止。
2：
1、I feel strongly that I can make it.我坚信我一定能成功。
2、Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.与其诅咒黑暗，不如燃起蜡烛。
3、The shortest answer is doing.最简短的回答就是行动。
4、Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.成功的秘诀就是四个简单的字：多一点点。
5、The car will find its way round the hill when it gets there.车到山前必有路。
6、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
7、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
8、Failure is the mother of success. - Thomas Paine失败乃成功之母。
9、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
10、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
3：
1、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
2、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。
3、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
74、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
5、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路祝寿对联。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
6、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power. -- Balzac没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。 -- 巴尔扎克
7、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
8、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
9、Failure is the mother of success. 失败乃成功之母。
10、For man is man and master of his fate.人就是人，是自己命运的主人。
4：
1、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
2、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
3、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness. -- R.M. Nixon命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉悦地把握命运 - 尼克松
4、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
5、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
6、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
7、Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前，决不放弃!
8、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. -- Mattin Luther King我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。 马丁 · 路德 · 金
9、Energy and persistence conquer all things. 能量加毅力可以征服一切。
10、Nothing seek, nothing find.无所求则无所获。
5：
1、Cease to struggle and you cease to live. 生命不止，奋斗不息。 -- 卡莱尔
2、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下。
3、Strength alone knows conflict, weakness is below even defeat, and is born vanquished. -- Swetchine只有强者才懂得斗争;弱者甚至失败都不够资格，而是生来就是被征服的。 -- 斯威特切尼
4、The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them. -- Bernara Shaw在这个世界上取得成就的人，都努力去寻找他们想要的机会，如果找不到机会，他们便自己创造机会。 -- 萧伯纳
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、He who seize the right moment, is the right man. 谁把握机遇，谁就心想事成。 -- 歌德
7、Victory won't e to me unless I go to it. 胜利是不会向我们走来的，我必须自己走向胜利。 -- 穆尔
8、Man errs as long as he strives. -- Goethe失误是进取的代价。 -- 歌德
9、The failures and reverses which await men - and one after another sadden the brow of youth - add a dignity to the prospect of human life, which no Arcadian success would do. 尽管失败和挫折等待着人们，一次次地夺走青春的容颜，但却给人生的前景增添了一份尊严，这是任何顺利的成功都不能做到的。 -- 梭罗
10、Where there is life, there is hope 生命不息，希望常在。
的还：
1.经典幽默英语段子精选
2.励志幽默段子精选
3.精选励志段子大全
4.精选幽默语录
5.每日爆笑段子精选
6.精选搞笑段子
中式英语笑话精选
1．we two who and who？
咱俩谁跟谁阿
2.how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
03．you don`t bird me,I don`t bird you
你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
04．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！
你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
05．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home
有事起奏，无事退朝
06．you me you me
彼此彼此
07．You Give Me Stop
你给我站住！
08．know is know noknow is noknow
知之为知之，不知为不知...
09．WATCH SISTER
表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!!
龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11．American Chinese not enough
美中不足
12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
车祸现场描述
13．heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past
走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
请看下面有关中式英语的小笑话
1．we two who and who!
咱俩谁跟谁啊！
2．how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你？怎么老是你？
3．you have seed，I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！
你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们！一起上！
4．as far as you go to die！
有多远死多远！
5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!
有事起奏，无事退朝 ！！
6．you me you me
彼此彼此
7．You Give Me Stop!!
你给我站住！ ！
8．know is know ，noknow is noknow...
知之为知之，不知为不知…
9．WATCH SISTER
表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’son can make hole!!
龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11.．I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose your face ,I turn my face
给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸
12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
车祸现场描述
13．heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past
走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one!
要钱没有，要命一条
17．I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
18．you have two down son
你有两下子。
19.好好学习，天天向上：
good good study,day day up!
20、Open the door see mountain
开门见山
21、five flowers eight doors
五花八门
22、people mountain people sea
人山人海
23、Un-ding-able
顶不住了
24、You go see see
你去看看.
25、Moon under old man
月下老人
26.many people die, no see you die.
咁多人死唔见你死。
27.die away
死开
28.If you no three no four, I give you some color to see see!
如果你不三不四，我给你点颜色看看。
29.Ask what ask! 问什么问！see what see 看什么看！laugh what laugh 笑什么笑！
30.
雇主：how much do you want a month? 你一个月要多少钱?
保姆：800 yuan,eat you, sleep you. 800块，吃你的，住你的。
问题来了，那么管吃管住怎么说?
31.
有个朋友来加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服务员问:“How would you like your steak done?”(您的牛排要几分熟?)
我朋友没听懂，就听别人点的时候说“Medium”, 他就想我不能跟他们学。
他就跟服务员说：“Large， please?”
服务员一愣，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
然后他又说：“Small， please?”
服务员又吓了一跳，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
他身边的朋友着急了，告诉他，人家问你牛排要几分熟，他恍然大悟，想了想说：“Eighty percent(百分之八十熟).”
服务员又一愣说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
问题来了，那么牛肉的5分熟、7分熟、全熟怎么说?
32.
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来中式英语闹出的笑话段子中式英语闹出的笑话段子。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!
问题来了，那么文中的go ahead是什么意思?
33.
刚上班不久，有个公司的A/R(Account Receivable会计)打电话来催支票，我循例问了一下他是哪间公司打来的中式英语闹出的笑话。
那男的很有礼貌的说：“This is XXXcalling from Beach Brother.''
听懂了很开心，不过由于对公司名字还不熟，心想先用笔记下来公司名，省得等下忘记了。
正得意忘形之间，顺嘴开始拼写人家公司的名字，还说得一本正经：
''B.I.T.C.H......bitch,correct?''
那男的终于还是没能忍住怒火，近似于怒吼似的对我喊道：
''NO!!!B.E.A.C.H.....BEACH!!!''
接下来的一年里，没再跟这间公司有过任何生意往来……
这个笑话你看懂了吗?
34.
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说：sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.......
怎么说“站票”?
35.
某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男久思，毅然下笔：“Once a week”中式英语闹出的笑话段子笑话大全。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”。
官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”
文中的“sex”是什么意思?
整理：zhl201612
双语幽默英语笑话
双语幽默英语笑话汇集
1、话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。
A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿!」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特!」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
Note by Jodie: 此处用西班牙口音说Sorry肥更有趣
2、昨天来了个外国人，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的："Hello?"
外国人："Hi."
前台小姐："You have what thing?"(你有什么事?)
外国人："Can you speak English?"(你会讲英语吗)
前台小姐："If I not speak English， I am speaking what?"(如果我不会说，那我现在说的什么)
外国人："Can anybody else speak English? "(还有谁能讲英语吗)
前台小姐："You yourself look. all people are playing，no people have time， you can wait， you wait， you not wait， you go."(你自己看看，所有人都在玩呢，都没空，你愿意等就等，不愿意就走你)
外国人：I want to ask about online shopping.(我想咨询下关于网上购物的事情)
前台小姐:Online shopping?is Use Internet shopping，You de understand?(网上购物?就是用上网购物，你的明白?)
外国人：。。。。。
前台小姐：you can baidu“top leader”!!你可以去百度“尚品领袖”
外国人：。。。。"Good heavens. anybody here can speak English?"(我的上帝，这儿有谁会说英语吗?) I want to speak to your head."(我想和你的领导谈谈)
前台小姐："Head not zai.You tomorrow come."(头儿不在，你明天再来吧)
3、Bad news and good news 好消息和坏消息
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.
一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。
"I've got good news and bad news," owner replied.
“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.
我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed," What's the bad news?"
“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么?”
With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."
带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
4、女儿的来信
Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, my daughter is at the university.
She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary.
Her neighbor says you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank.
Joan和她的邻居在一起聊天，聊到各自的女儿;Joan说我女儿在上大学。她很聪明，你知道的。每次我们接到她的来信，我们都要查字典。
她的邻居说，你真幸运!每次我们接到我女儿的信，我们都要去银行。
5、A New Mum took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time.
一个年轻的妈妈头一回带着她的宝贝女儿到超市买东西，
She dressed her in pink from head to toe.
她把小宝贝从头到脚穿上粉红色的衣服。
At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.
在商场，她把小女孩放在购物车里，把买来的东西都推在孩子周围。
At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them.
在付款台前排队时，一个小男孩和他妈妈正好排在她们前面。
The child was crying and begging for some special treat.
那个小男孩在哭，看上去在向他妈要着什么东西，年轻的妈妈想，
He wants some candy or gumand his mother won't let him have any, she thought.
这个小孩一定是要糖果或是口香糖之类的玩意儿，而他妈妈又不给，所以才闹得这么厉害。
Then she heard his mother's reply.
然而就在这个时候，她听到男孩的妈妈一边回答说，
"No!"she said, looking in her direction.
“不行，”一边往她的方向看过来，
"You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one"
“你今天不能买一个小妹妹了，那位女士把最后一个买走了!”
更多相关文章：
1. 英语笑话带翻译20字
2. 英语小笑话大全 爆笑
3. 英语幽默笑话
4. 幽默英语笑话推荐
5. 超级经典英语笑话
6. 幽默英语笑话小段子
7. 英语幽默小笑话
8. 英语幽默笑话大全
9. 英语的幽默小笑话
10. 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全
6、Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。
妈妈：今晚停电了。
迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。
7、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的`老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8、Teacher: Here are two bird,one is a swallow,the other is a sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I can't point out but i know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallowis beside the sparrow,and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只小鸟
老师：这里有两只小鸟，一只是燕子，另一只是麻雀，谁能告诉我们哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我不会分辨但我知道答案。
老师：那请你告诉我们。
学生：燕子旁边的是麻雀，麻雀旁边的是燕子。
9、A dog can play the piano 会弹钢琴的狗
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink onthe house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.
Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
一个人带着他的狗走进一家酒吧。
酒吧服务生对他说，“这里不能带狗进来，请离开吧!”
那个人对服务生说，“这可不是一般的狗，它可是会弹钢琴的!”
服务生回答说，“呃，如果它真的能弹钢琴，你们可以免费在这喝上一杯!”
那个人把狗放到了弹钢琴坐的凳子上面，狗就开始了演奏，先是拉格泰姆音乐、接着弹莫扎特还有其它的… …服务生和顾客们都非常欣赏它的弹奏。
突然，一只体型更大的狗跑了进来，一把抓住小狗的脖子就把它拽出去了。
酒吧服务生问那个人，“那是怎么回事?”
那人回答，“噢，那是它妈妈。她不想它儿子玩音乐，而是做一名医生。”
10、Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗?
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
11、Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.
史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇.
服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的.
12、Son: Dad, give me a dime.
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?
Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?
儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。
父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗?
儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗?
更多相关文章：
1. 英语笑话带翻译20字
2. 英语小笑话大全 爆笑
3. 英语幽默笑话
4. 幽默英语笑话推荐
5. 超级经典英语笑话
6. 幽默英语笑话小段子
7. 英语幽默小笑话
8. 英语幽默笑话大全
9. 英语的幽默小笑话
10. 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全
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