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法国阅兵笑话(法国阅兵仪式翻车)

本文目录一览:

阅兵的目的是什么?

目的有很多,大概有庆祝节日、展示军威国威两大类,或两者兼有之。

其中,东方国家阅兵普遍以展示国威为主,讲究军人风貌和精气神,也会同时展出先进武器装备。而我国国庆节阅兵后还会举办群众游行,兼有庆祝节日的目的。

但西方国家,尤其是欧美大多数国家阅兵一般是庆祝自己国家独立日、建国纪念日或君主生日,虽然也有队列行进和装备展出,但仍然以庆祝为主,好似一个大聚会,并不特别讲究军容风貌和阅兵规模,二战后普遍随意性、娱乐性更强一些。

其中,每年都在7月14日举办阅兵仪式的法国就是个典型案例。

法国国庆日是在每年的7月14日,以纪念在1789年7月14日,巴黎群众攻克了象征封建统治的巴士底狱,从而揭开法国大革命序幕,之后逐步推翻帝制、走向共和。由于这是现在法兰西共和国的法统所在,这一天也就成为了法国国庆节,当天会举行阅兵进行庆祝。

至于为什么要攻打巴士底狱呢?这得让五雷从头说起。巴士底狱是一所位于巴黎市中心的监狱,“巴士底”在法文中意思就是“城堡”。它建立于14世纪,本来是一座军事堡垒,用于防御百年战争时期的英国人。当时巴黎不大,巴士底狱的位置是在巴黎城门前。巴黎不断扩大,巴士底狱也就成为市内的要塞,失去了防御的作用,14世纪末就改为监狱了。

从法国国王亨利四世以来,巴士底狱不但驻扎了大量军队,还关押政治犯和贵族犯人。文学家伏尔泰曾因受人迫害在此处坐牢。因为这些原因,巴士底狱被法国人民看成封建统治的象征,在大革命爆发后首先对此进行攻击。

但生性浪漫的法国人事前并没有做好调查工作,激情一来就革命。虽然巴士底狱过去确实关押了不少得罪国王的政治犯,但当天监狱里面只有7个犯人,包括2个精神病患、4个假币制造者,还有因“生活作风问题”入狱的萨德侯爵,就没有一个群众想要拯救的革命家。

不但如此,在这场革命中被救出来的萨德侯爵并没有好过。因为与妻子感情不和,萨德之后又被送进了精神病院!真是有点搞笑又有点悲凉。倒霉的萨德侯爵就和当时动荡的法国局势一样,人生三分之一的岁月都在监狱、精神病院中渡过,最后孤老于1814年。也正是那一年,法国皇帝拿破仑一败涂地,法国大革命也暂时失败了。

不过,拿破仑还是给法国首都巴黎留下了凯旋门和香榭丽舍大道,现代法国得以有地方举办自己的庆典,每年在7月14日这一天举办阅兵活动,今年也不例外。

不过就和法国大革命的浪漫、激情和搞笑、动荡并存一样,巴黎的阅兵虽然二战后几乎年年都搞,但并不像我们那样庄严、隆重,也不像苏联/俄罗斯那种大国一样强势热血,倒更像一种国家表演。

扛斧头的复古工兵、奇特的外籍军团、军机拉错本国国旗三色烟......这些奇葩放在法国阅兵式上都不叫事,反正年年都搞,法国老百姓在路边看着,就当个乐子就完事了。

至于在阅兵式上搞空中飞人、未来战士表演,那更是信手拈来。弄辆装甲车、无人机过来,都显得法国人中规中矩。

毕竟,就连仪仗队摩托车相撞、阅兵现场军人求婚这种笑话都有,上面那些失误和奇葩就不算啥。这样热闹一场后,小兵和老百姓无论失误与否都很开心,就是前来观礼的总统等高官脸上挂不住。

法国阅兵笑话(法国阅兵仪式翻车)插图

拿破仑阅兵被各国讥笑毫无战斗力,他是如何做的?

拿破仑曾率领法军,占领了意大利的一部分国土。

1800年春天,欧洲反法同盟的军队,从几个不同的方向进攻法国,靠近法国边境的奥地利10万大军,抢占了拿破仑在两年前征服意大利时占据的地盘,对法国构成了严重的威胁。

为了对付10万奥军,拿破仑秘密组建了一个拥有强大力量的预备军团,他同时宣称在巴黎组成一个预备军团,并亲自去检阅这个军团。消息传开,吸引了大批间谍,他们希望通过参观检阅,能搜集到预备军团作战能力的情报。检阅开始后,间谍们发现,拿破仑吹嘘的预备军团,除了刚刚招募的一些新兵之外,只有徒有虚名的司令部和老弱病残,他们服装不整,装备不齐,毫无战斗力可言。

间谍们现场观察到的情报,很快传到各国首脑的手中,,这样,拿破仑的预备军团,也成了绅士们茶余饭后的言谈笑料。而这一切,正是拿破仑所要求的效果。原来,拿破仑事先清醒地估计到,组建一支大部队很难不被对方间谍知道,他就示假隐真。他公开检阅的预备军团是临时拼凑的老弱残兵。而真正的预备军团正在秘密地点积极备战。

奥军元帅梅拉斯梅拉斯也不是泛泛之辈,他带领的奥军与俄军一起先后取得了卡萨诺、特雷比亚、诺维战役及热那亚包围战的胜利。 但这次他上当了, 他认为,拿破仑用来威胁奥国的预备军团既然是一群乌合之众,其目的在于使奥军不敢进攻法国本土,他准备将计就计,加紧围攻当时仍由法国控制的热那亚城,并随时准备进攻法国本土。就在这时,拿破仑却亲自率领数万大军,绕道瑞士,攀越阿尔卑斯山的大小山口,出其不意地出现在奥军的后方,将奥军打得落花流水。

拿破仑阅兵笑话的英文版

A story is told about a Swede who wanted to join Napoleon’s Grand Army. One evening some of Napoleon’s soldiers were drinking together when a young Frenchman brought friend to their table. He expained that his friend was a Swede and knew no French, but this Swede admired Napoleon so much that he wanted to join the French army and fight for him.

The soldiers looked up and saw a tall young man with blue eyes, a friendly face, strong arms and broad shoulders. They like him at once.

The officers saw that he was just the right sort of man, so they accepted him and he became one of Napoleons soldiers. His new friends smoothed away the difficulties. He fought bravely in many battles and gained their respect. However, his knowledge of French remained very weak, because he was not good at learning languages, but this did not prevent him from fighting hard.

Several yaears later, word came that Napoleon himself was coming to inspect them, and the Swede was warned that the great man world probably ask him some question. There was some difficulty in expaining this to the Swede, but when at last he understood he became very anxious.

“The Swede won’t understand the questions.” One of the Frenchmen said, “What can he do?”

It was well know that Napoleon always asked the same three questions, I and usuall in the same order. The first question was, “How old are you?” The second was, “how long have you been in my army?” And the third was, “Did you serve in either of my last two campaigns?”

The Swede could not possibly remember all these words and so his friends decided to teach him only the answers in their proper order. They gave him a lot of practice. Whenever possible, one of them would stop him, make him stand at attention, and ask him the three questions. “How old are you?” he would demand, and the Swede would answer, “Twenty-three, sir.” Then his friend would ask, “How long have you been in my army?” and the Swede would answer, “Three years, sir.” To the third question, “Did you serve in either of my last two campaigns?” the Swede would answer with pride, “Both, sir!”

For many days this practice continued. The Swede would walk about, saying to himself, “Twenty-three, sir. Three years, sir. Both, sir!” Before the day of the inspection, his friends were satisfied. He knew his answer. There ought to be no trouble.

Napolen arrived. Stading in front of the straight lines of soldiers, he looked at them with great satisfaction. Then he began to walk along the lines, smiling sometimes, and saying a few word here and there. The Swede stood quite still, except that his lips moved slightly. He was still practicing.

Napoleon suddenly caught sight of the tall soldier and realized at once that he had never seen him before. He stopped in front of the Swede. For some reason, this time the great man began with the second question.

“How many years have you been in my army?” he demanded.

“Twenty-Three, sir,” said the Swede clearly and well.

Napoleon was surprised. He look at tall man and asked, “How old are you then?”

“Three years, sir,” replied the Swede quickly.

Napoleon was astonished. “Either you are mad, or I am,” he declared.

“Both, sir!” cried the Swede proudly.

绝对是原文

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