很搞笑的冷笑话哦 !




下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ,欢迎大家阅读!

经典幽默英语笑话:The New Baby

Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.

Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.

One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,said Mr.Taylor.

Pat came into the room just then and said,What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,his mother answered.

It's no use,said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.







经典幽默英语笑话:What Are The Two Words?

A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear, said the old lady,I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?

Why,sure,Granny,said the girl.What are the two words?




经典幽默英语笑话:What's your name?

A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together

Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.

Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?

The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.


有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵,于是他开始 自我介绍 :我的名字叫Stone(石头),事实上,我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招,这样我们就能很好相处了。




经典幽默英语笑话:No Problem

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.

No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.





The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced,a hitch arose over the fee,and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted, the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact,the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.

What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.

That's it,replied Hogarth.

But,where are the Israelites?

They are all gone over.

Where are the Egyptians?

They're all drowned.









Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.


Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。


The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table,their waiter suddenly rushed over.


“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

“夫人,您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

“不,他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”


A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”


“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”


“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”



笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术 方法 ,用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是我整理的英语幽默笑话6篇,欢迎大家阅读!

英语笑话 一:Is he dying?

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.



英语笑话二:The blonde and the farmer

There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to taken......。


英语笑话三:太晚了 It's Too Late

A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."



英语笑话四:The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?” 老师发问道。

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.


英语笑话五:脑移植 A Brain Transplant

The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."






A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."


The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."



A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥,她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个 万圣节 夜里,她穿上一套魔鬼戏服,躲在树后,准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.


"Who are you?" he asked.


"I'm the Devil!" she responded.


"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"



1、The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.


你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。

2、The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....


9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。

妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。

3、 Don't Need to Steal Any More

The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal,” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied,“True,I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts, a country mansion, jewelry,and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing, sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

一家大百货店的老板在查帐中发现,他最信任的雇员从公司偷走了一百多万美元。“我不要丑闻。”老板说。“我只要开除你。”那个雇员回答说:“不错,我是偷了你公司相当一大笔钱。现在我有游艇、一座乡村别墅、珠宝,以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什么都不需要了,你为什么要再雇个人来,让他从头做起呢?”


On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause,”says Parson Sly, “The same effect may give: Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife,that he may live”.

马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入绝望; 频频啜泣,相对哭啼, 他们都表达着忧伤。 “不同原因,”滑头牧师说, “可产生同样结果: 可怜的鲁宾怕他会死; 他老婆,怕他会活。”

5、Compare other things?比一下其他?

Compare other things?比一下其他?

Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.

Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?

Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.







1、Tom's excuse

Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?

Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,School-Go Slow.




2、A Useful Way

Father:Jack,why do you drink so much water?

Jack:I have just had an apple,Dad.

Father:What"s that got to do with it?

Jack:I forgot to wash the apple.






3、These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet,a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.

“Look,look.”she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”

Her husband looked at her for a long time,when said,“Honey,I love you,but these are my jeans.”



4、A Monkey and a Flea

Mum: Baby, what’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.

Mum: Anything else?

Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys.







"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."

"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"

"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."






未经允许不得转载:笑话哦 » 英语著名笑话(最好笑的英语笑话)

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