又个渔民抓到了一条非常漂亮的美人鱼，但是把她放了，另一个渔民问why＜你为什么不x她呢？＞ 他反问How ＜ 怎么x，没x过这种东西＞
1.Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
2.Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys
3你的记忆力好吗 Do You Have a Good MemoryWife:
Do you have a good memory for faces?
Wife: I just broke your shaving mirror.
4烤乳猪 roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig."
But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
5.要上头条了 one of us
While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest, two journalists found the annoyed beast turned around to chase them.
In running, one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more! What should we do?" "No idea. But one of us will have his photo on the headline (tomorrow)." replied his colleague.
6.大吃一惊 Big Surprise
Visitor: Is this a healthy place to live in?
Local yokel: Yes, sir. When I arrived here, I couldn't walk or eat solid food.
Visitor: What was the matter with you?
Local yokel: Nothing---I was born here.
7.手锯的用处 The Use of a HandsawAt the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let's try it. my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.
8.便宜的马 Cheap price for a horse
After his beloved horse died, a man wanted to place an ad in the newspaper like this: Horse saddle and bridle for $50.
Inadvertently the paper added a comma to the ad, which read instead:Horse, saddle and bridle for $50.
Immediately someone responded to the ad, That''s an awfully cheap price for a horse, said the caller, What''s wrong with your horse?
Well, he is dead, replied the man who placed the erroneously typed ad.
9.粗心的理发员 A Careless Barber
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.
10. 你爷爷 your grandfather
A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:
"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."
Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."
The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"
The waiter replied with ease:"Nobody. Just your grandfather
下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ，欢迎大家阅读!
经典幽默英语笑话：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
经典幽默英语笑话：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
经典幽默英语笑话：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始 自我介绍 ：我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom : Twins.
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”